Celebrity Gossip Thread

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:01 pm

I work with famous people pretty much every day. I've got the skinny on all the brightest stars in the biz.

- BB King is miserable. Pretty much any time he wasn't onstage, he looked damn near on the verge of tears, if not total collapse. The only words I heard him speak offstage was when the production manager asked him if he could get him anything, and he answered, without a trace of humor, "a woman". That's the blues, I guess.

- Aretha Franklin is a disgusting pig. She took a massive shit in one of the dressing rooms, wiped her ass with a toilet seat cover (even though there was still paper left), and didn't flush. She also left two half-eaten trays of shrimp cocktail in the venue - one under a chair in the house, one on top of a radiator backstage that didn't get discovered until a few days later.

- Ray Manzarek is lazy and deaf. He doesn't play bass keyboard anymore, and he doesn't even play a Farfisa. He plays an Alesis synth with a piece of red felted cardboard on top so it LOOKS like a Farfisa from a distance. He had three massive monitor wedges cranked to shit and was louder on stage than he was in the house.

- Bruce Bruce is useless. He had a bag of cheetos and a bottle of Yellowtail for dinner, then went on to perform the weakest 60 minutes of stand-up I've ever heard.

- Mick Fleetwood is old, or something. He has a ghost drummer that sits backstage behind their projection screen. Every time Mick Fleetwood plays a fill, his backstage drummer doubles it exactly. In between fills, the ghost drummer plays Gameboy.

That's not even scratching the surface. If you have a specific celeb you want dirt on (especially a musician or comedian), hit me up. If I haven't worked with them before, I'll make something up that's probably true.

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Mooretician
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:09 pm

What's Brad Dourif like in real life?
copstache wrote:on a positive note, i hope if i get old and encrippled my nurses come and put on Judeobeast Assassin and watch my horrible atrophied limbs twitch in some mess of neurons flickering and dying

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Barcass Grinder
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:09 pm

Steve Martin.

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John Jr.
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:15 pm

BB King deserves to be miserable. fuck his blues.
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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:17 pm

Steve Martin and his bluegrass band somehow managed to eat more cold cuts and macaroni salad than Bell Biv DeVoe and Tower of Power combined.

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:18 pm

THIS JUST IN! LIVE ON THE SCENE EXCLUSIVE!

Lauryn Hill is greedy and vain. She has a huge pile of amps onstage that are just for decoration, including a Matchless Chieftan stack, 3 Marshall stacks (one with neon red tolex), a Hiwatt combo, an ancient-looking unknown brand combo that looks like an oven and two Vox combos. She's playing the whole show through a 30-watt Fender acoustic amp. I'm wondering if anyone would even notice if one of these JCM heads happened to vanish sometime in the course of the evening...

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Barcass Grinder
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:21 pm

Eight Foot Manchild wrote:Steve Martin and his bluegrass band somehow managed to eat more cold cuts and macaroni salad than Bell Biv DeVoe and Tower of Power combined.
Makes me like him even more. :tup:

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WINSTON WOLFE
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:39 pm

MOAR!

I don't care who they are, just keep going!

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Dr Yail Bloor
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:45 pm

I heard AHA were not even from Norway! Can you confirm this?
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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:58 pm

Joan Rivers is blind. She doesn't wear glasses or anything, but instead expects everyone around her to accommodate her blithering follies. She had a giant, quintuple-wide strip of white gaff tape put across the front of the stage at the Wilbur Theatre in Boston so she wouldn't go doddering off the edge to her certain death. The strip is still there to this day. Come on by and touch it, then tell all your friends.

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WINSTON WOLFE
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:01 pm

Who's the biggest asshole you've ever come across?

Tell us more about filthy celebs and their eating habits.

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:03 pm

Speaking of Joan (I can call her Joan), I once saw her and Steven Tyler on the same day. Up close and without stage makeup, Steven Tyler looks like her at age 196.

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:20 pm

WINSTON WOLFE wrote:Who's the biggest asshole you've ever come across?
Tossup between Yngwie Malmsteen and Anthony Kiedis. Both vacuous cunts with shit for brains, worse than any pop diva on the planet.
Tell us more about filthy celebs and their eating habits.
Here's the list of food demands from Gabriel Iglesias's rider:

(i) Two (2) cases bottled water (one liter size)
(ii) Six Cans of Diet Red Bull Energy Drink
(iii) Coke (12 pack) and Diet Coke (12 Pack)
(iv) Six (6) bottle of fruit juice (assorted)
(v) 4 pack of Starbucks double shot Espressos
(vi) One (1) case of Stella Artois
(vii) One (1) case of New Castle beer
(viii) (1) Bottle Kettle One vodka
(ix) (1) Bottle of Don Julio Añejo Tequila
(x) Four (4) bottles of red wine (good quality Merlot or Cabernet)
(xi) (1) can of cashews,
(xii) can of mixed nuts
(xi) PLENTY of fresh coffee (Starbucks is the preference)
(xii) 6 pack Lipton Citrus Green Ice Tea
(xiii) (2) boxes of buttered microwave popcorn
(xiv) One (1) large fruit platter, enough for 14 people. Fresh Yellow Bananas (1 bunch)
(xv) Small veggie platter, enough for 14 people
(xvi) Deli platter with assorted meats, enough for 14 people
(xvii) Other items for dressing room: Skippy chunky peanut butter, One (1)
smooth. Strawberry jam, wheat bread, assorted chips
(xviii) Plenty of ice, plates, napkins, beverage glasses, wine glasses, hot and
cold cups, eating utensils, salt and pepper, plastic wrap, and a corkscrew.
(xix) Replenish and re-ice all beverages prior to show time
(xxi) one (1) package Dark Chocolate with nuts
(xxii) (2) boxes Cheerios cereal

I'm sure he had other people with him, but it's fun to imagine it's all for him.

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Dr Yail Bloor
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:23 pm

When Steven Seagal played here with his band he ate the hotel out of room service, by himself.
\m/Johnny\m/ wrote:
I guess there's crippling, life shattering levels of alcoholism, and then there's Lemmy.

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WINSTON WOLFE
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:24 pm

:moreawesome:

Tell m a Yngwie Malmsteen story.
Does he have ANY groupies? And if so, are they the most annoying chicks on the planet?

On that note, who has the ugliest groupies?

Who has no groupies at all and has to hire them?

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Necrometer
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:32 pm

IIRC Chuck cancelled a Death show at a tiny club in Columbus like 13 years ago when they fucked up his rider... lots of screaming about a deli tray if I remember right
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good thing I'll be dead soon, cause I'm tired of liars winning

Bored001

Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:43 pm

Hilarious.

RE: BB King, a number of years ago my girlfriend won tickets to go see him live. Part of the award package was being able to meet him, go back to the private bar, etc. I was standing there with her and this guy comes up and starts hitting on her right in front of me...he was drunk as hell, but...still. So I asked him who he was, what his name was and he looked at me like I was absolutely worthless, something he had scraped off his shoe.

"Who am I? I'm with BB."

That's right...BB King has an entourage...and they're assholes. These people exist.

It took a long time for me to be able to stop laughing.
Last edited by Bored001 on Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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WINSTON WOLFE
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:48 pm

Bored001 wrote:
"Who am I? I'm with BB."

That's right...BB King has an entourage...and they're assholes. These people exist.
.
I think any member of an "entourage" would be assholes. They kiss ass to be part of the entourage for that reason, methinks.

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:54 pm

Necrometer wrote:IIRC Chuck cancelled a Death show at a tiny club in Columbus like 13 years ago when they fucked up his rider... lots of screaming about a deli tray if I remember right
I believe it. I've seen celebs cancel shows for the lamest reasons. Which reminds me...

Ani DiFranco is a pussy. She canceled a show when she slipped stepping off her tour bus and hit her knee on the side of the door. Didn't sprain anything, was walking just fine. Lied and said the show was canceled because her voice hurt.

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:00 pm

LIVE ON THE SCENE EXCLUSIVE UPDATE!

In addition to being greedy and vain, Lauryn Hill is forgetful. She's got two teleprompters on stage, immediately next to each other (presumably because she might have to turn her head a few inches one way or the other). Also, in case she forgets her own name, every song in the teleprompter says LAURYN HILL along with the song title.

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:21 pm

WINSTON WOLFE wrote:Tell m a Yngwie Malmsteen story.
He finished every demand with "like, NOW." As in "I need moar keyboard in dis moneetoor... like, NOW." He also had plumber butt through the whole show.
WINSTON WOLFE wrote:Does he have ANY groupies? And if so, are they the most annoying chicks on the planet?
His groupies are all men. Mostly guitarists from Berklee College of Music, who would gratefully cum-slick his scalloped fretboard for him if given half the chance. And yes, they are the most annoying chicks on the planet.
WINSTON WOLFE wrote:On that note, who has the ugliest groupies?
Bruce Springsteen, of course.
WINSTON WOLFE wrote:Who has no groupies at all and has to hire them?
Robin Trower. I kind of figured the whole point of groupies was that they followed you around for the novelty factor, which is why ugly-as-fuck trolls like Mick Jagger have seen more pussy than a veterinarian gynecologist. Robin Trower's groupies seem to resent him, though. One of them brought McDonald's into the venue, and he was trying to get her to come back to his trailer. She just blurted "I'm EATIN'!!" through a mouthful of potato pancake, and he timidly slunk off to parts unknown.

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WINSTON WOLFE
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:26 pm

How does he treat his male groupies?

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Sineadrepresent
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:35 pm

Eight Foot Manchild wrote: One of them brought McDonald's into the venue, and he was trying to get her to come back to his trailer. She just blurted "I'm EATIN'!!" through a mouthful of potato pancake
:moreawesome:

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Eight Foot Manchild
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:53 pm

LIVE ON THE SCENE EXCLUSIVE UPDATE!

In addition to being greedy, vain and forgetful, Lauryn Hill doesn't understand black metal. She's been soundchecking for four hours and forty five minutes with no sign of stopping any time soon.

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Dr Yail Bloor
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Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:54 pm

in all honesty how can you soundcheck that long?
\m/Johnny\m/ wrote:
I guess there's crippling, life shattering levels of alcoholism, and then there's Lemmy.

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