Battle of Los Angeles

Toxicarius · Post by **Toxicarius** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:28 am

Not Battle Colon Los Angeles, the umpteenth alien invasion movie opening this Friday, and definitely not some sucky album by some sucky band, this is about yet another alien invasion movie airing on Syfy the day after that other colon'd invasion movie opens. And while that big budget colon movie promises thrills and chills and gobs of expensive CGI, the Syfy piggyback job promises thrills and spills and gobs of laughably bad CGI. Yet it might be worth watching for the unintended humor aspect... maybe... I've been burned by these Syfy Original movies before, more times than I care to admit, but this one could be "good," so to speak. Ninja chicks killing drone ships with swords is one selling point...

http://video.syfy.com/movies_events/syf ... es_events/

hipster holocaust · Post by **hipster holocaust** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:29 am

I hope LA loses

soiled depends · Post by **soiled depends** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:29 am

LA lost a long fucking time ago...

Honky Kong 64 · Post by **Honky Kong 64** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 9:26 am

OH I GUESS I MISSED READING THAT ON THE FRONT PAGE WHENEVER THAT HAPPENED

Mendicant · Post by **Mendicant** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:05 pm

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0267116/

all you need in the alien invasion genre

krudmonk · Post by **krudmonk** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:08 pm

hipster holocaust wrote:I hope LA loses

Is it because of the mountains, palm trees or sunshine that you envy LA, Luigi?

james · Post by **james** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 3:16 pm

hipster holocaust wrote:I hope LA loses

hahahaha

And that album totally rules wtf op

milkmandan · Post by **milkmandan** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 6:22 pm

Tom Morello makes his guitar sounds like turntables scratching whooooaoaoaaa

The Schwartz · Post by **The Schwartz** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 6:28 pm

I thought this was going to be able the only true Battle of Los Angeles

SAUSAGES!!!!!!!!!! · Post by **SAUSAGES!!!!!!!!!!** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 7:48 pm

SAUSAGES!!!!!!!!!! · Post by **SAUSAGES!!!!!!!!!!** » Tue Mar 08, 2011 7:48 pm

japanese air attacks on american soil

Broken Into Pieces · Post by **Broken Into Pieces** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:58 am

The Schwartz wrote:I thought this was going to be able the only true Battle of Los Angeles

Ha. I am both surprised and pleased that somebody else already made the indy wrestling post that I came into this thread to make myself

Toxicarius · Post by **Toxicarius** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:01 am

james wrote:And that album totally rules wtf op

{place your favorite Deal With It .gif here}

And this is still about the shitty Syfy movie... let's hope LA buys it in an awesome orgy of hammy acting and boneheaded CG faggotry... :theylive:

hipster holocaust · Post by **hipster holocaust** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 10:26 am

krudmonk wrote:
hipster holocaust wrote:I hope LA loses
Is it because of the mountains, palm trees or sunshine that you envy LA, Luigi?

the only thing i envy is your mexican food

james · Post by **james** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 10:29 am

milkmandan wrote:Tom Morello makes his guitar sounds like turntables scratching whooooaoaoaaa

yeah he should've gone for the 'shreiking wall of brown ambiguity' and joined a brutal goregrind crust band

Toxicarius · Post by **Toxicarius** » Sat Mar 12, 2011 8:58 pm

So, I watched it... with a friend (who now hates me). I can say without hesitation that that so-called movie was the biggest piece of crap I ever did see (and that's saying something, because I've seen some mighty mega crap in my days), but I was laughing my ass off at the same time. This movie made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Character development was stuck at zero, unless negative numbers are permissible here. Various people walk on and off camera with absolutely no explanation of who they are or what they are doing. The action sequences were staged by obviously clueless morons with no understanding of military tactics or even common sense. If only the acting was a little more OTT hammy, this movie could've been perched near the top of Crap Mountain. As it is, it's well worth a good 'n stoned "so bad it's good" party, but just once. Multiple viewings could be hazardous to your sanity.

Toilet Fleet · Post by **Toilet Fleet** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:57 am

Toxicarius wrote:The action sequences were staged by obviously clueless morons with no understanding of military tactics

Not only that, but whoever wrote this movie clearly didn't know that aliens have never invaded Los Angeles. How many more inaccuracies must we be forced to withstand?

Britton · Post by **Britton** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 2:08 pm

Toxicarius wrote:So, I watched it... with a friend (who now hates me). I can say without hesitation that that so-called movie was the biggest piece of crap I ever did see (and that's saying something, because I've seen some mighty mega crap in my days), but I was laughing my ass off at the same time. This movie made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Character development was stuck at zero, unless negative numbers are permissible here. Various people walk on and off camera with absolutely no explanation of who they are or what they are doing. The action sequences were staged by obviously clueless morons with no understanding of military tactics or even common sense. If only the acting was a little more OTT hammy, this movie could've been perched near the top of Crap Mountain. As it is, it's well worth a good 'n stoned "so bad it's good" party, but just once. Multiple viewings could be hazardous to your sanity.

This is good to know. We're going to see it tomorrow, heard it was bad from just about everyone and hoped if it was bad at least it was bad in a way we could laugh at the shit.

james · Post by **james** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 2:11 pm

britton....

Friendly Goatus · Post by **Friendly Goatus** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 2:13 pm

Can it be? Are skyclads eyes crusted over with cheeto dust too?

Toxicarius · Post by **Toxicarius** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 6:06 pm

soiled depends · Post by **soiled depends** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 6:18 pm

Friendly Goatus wrote:Can it be? Are skyclads eyes crusted over with cheeto dust too?

that faggot always scrapes the bottom of the barrel...

Toxicarius · Post by **Toxicarius** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:04 pm

Toilet Fleet wrote:
Toxicarius wrote:The action sequences were staged by obviously clueless morons with no understanding of military tactics
Not only that, but whoever wrote this movie clearly didn't know that aliens have never invaded Los Angeles. How many more inaccuracies must we be forced to withstand?

Something tells me you didn't see it, otherwise you wouldn't be making such sarcastic commentary. Here's a few head scratchers:

Military personnel firing handguns repeatedly (incessantly) at spaceships flying overhead at 10,000 mph.

Air force jets taking off from a short, rocky dirt road (criss-crossed by telephone wires) within an abandoned quarry.

A gravel-voiced major (the best character by far... too bad they killed him off early) shoots down one of those ships with his trusty 6 shooter, and as he approaches the downed ship, a laser gun turret pops out and fires at him. The major manages to duck and doge, finally seizing control of the laser... which has a pistol grip and trigger for some reason... and uses it to shoot down another ship. And as that second ship speeds directly at him in an obvious suicide run, our major, who mere seconds ago was firing lasers with merry abandon, watches helplessly instead of trying to blow it out of the sky.

A pointless assault on some weird gun turret thing located in the middle of an abandoned, anything but strategic, boarded-up ghost town. And when the leader of this assault team is cut down by the turret thing, it pumps zillions of space bullets into his prone proto-corpse for 10 minutes non-stop, but somehow he survives long enough for the dying inspirational speech to his second.

Then came the above-mentioned ninja chick... :theylive:

But the best part of all was an honest to god circular firing squad. Some sort of floating ball thing pops out of an alien robot's head and our heroes actually surround it with guns drawn. Is there a friendly fire incident? What do you think?

And trust me... I'm just scratching the surface. I didn't even mention the bizarro end boss encounter with the alien tentacled monster thing, stolen from the first Hellboy movie. My head hurts just thinking about it...

John Jr. · Post by **John Jr.** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:13 pm

shitton doesn't read, he just scans. no wonder he's so clueless.

Crushing Bastards · Post by **Crushing Bastards** » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:26 am

The movie will make great fodder for people to use in their own youtube flicks.

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