I have THE FARTS

[glovefullavaseline]

Pure shit is the best smell.

[IFryKids]

Is there anything better than walking into work, and your first duty is to take a giant SHIT? My goal is to absolutely ruin the day of the first person to walk in after I'm done.

[solidaritywithfruit]

I'm goind to repeat a joke this old homeless guy told to a group of people I was in... He walks up and says,
John, I was in the hospital again the other day and I said, "Doc. I got a problem; I have to go to the bathroom every morning at 6am." The doctor says to me, "Dave that's good news for once. It means you're regular" And then I said to him... "Yeah but I don't get up until 8. "

[Zap Rowsdower]

My THE FARTS smell like Florida water today.

[canon.docre]

I got the xxx suicide hot peanut noodle box from the local noodle hut and my farts for 2 days afterwards were painful, and smelled so fucking badly I literally started making myself feel physically ill. Acrid fucking biological warfare.

[postaddiction]

Maybe because this thread is on the front page and I've been net binging hardcore, but I am chemical warfaring myself so bad right now... I want to say it's the worst of all time. TTS

[Dr Yail Bloor]

I've been doing those tiny little pop farts that you do just before a massive shite, they reeked of anger and failure, the shit it's self was almost vomited from my back passage and stunk to high heaven.

[delmuerte]

I tend to make stew a lot in the winter and every time it's pretty awful. We ate some spicy chinese and then later in the day ate spicy ramen and for the rest of the day THE FARTS were HORRENDOUS, like as in my girlfriend was literally PISSED and slept in the other room. The joke's on her though, because the next day I totally shit my pants.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

I tend to make stew a lot in the winter and every time it's pretty awful. We ate some spicy chinese and then later in the day ate spicy ramen and for the rest of the day THE FARTS were HORRENDOUS, like as in my girlfriend was literally PISSED and slept in the other room. The joke's on her though, because the next day I totally shit my pants.

That'll teach her!! Well done!

[Introvert]

I ate a little too much Thai yesterday for lunch that weighed heavily on me for the rest of the day. Drank way too many PBRs last night. If you didn't know any better and walked into my house this morning you would swear that someone set off a sulfur bomb with Thai peppers in the mix.

[BUNGVOX]

i'm cutting some fumers right now.

it's equal parts beautiful and horrifying.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

I just ripped one of the loudest the farts ever it was huge. Gave myself the dutch oven.


Roast pork and sauerkraut cooked in the pan drippings...

and now do you have PANTS drippings?

[altars of radness]

I accidentally farted on the train on the way home tonight and I think the smell woke up the guy sitting in front of me.

[DanBehavingBadly]

I'm about to take my younglings to see some church guys rip up phonebooks and bend iron bars. I hope the Toasted Angus I had this morning from DD hits me while I'm there. That baby had 2 eggs on it.

[Zap Rowsdower]

I was ripping awful the farts at work today. I later sat down on my chair fast and think I pushed out some built up the fart fumes in the chair fibers. It must've fermented further while in there.

[hipster holocaust]

A few days of not smoking really gets the farts a-flying.

Google it.

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

fucking sucks

[guardianoftheblind]

[Friendly Goatus]

I'm about to take my younglings to see some church guys rip up phonebooks and bend iron bars. I hope the Toasted Angus I had this morning from DD hits me while I'm there. That baby had 2 eggs on it.

[Mooretician]

[The Seventh Son]

I drank some White Russians last night and hot boxed my bedroom. I left the room to take a piss and walked back in only to get clotheslined by lingering methane.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

My wife puts up with farts that peel the lips back from your teeth in snarl of chuff age. She's a real trooper.

[featherboa]

Had a busy day in the snow with the young one. He was eating dried apricots all day. Don't know if that means anything. We got home and he was asleep and I put him in the bed and he woke up enough to cut a man-size fart and then he drifted off.

I held back my own the farts in the car because doad's sweatie was with us and last week I was driving with him and ed_e and they were going to throw me out for my farts. I'm really lettin' 'em fly now. It was wise to hold them in in my estimation.

[Raw Ting]

I have no idea what I ate, but I'm fucking Gaseous Clay over here...

classic.

[\m/Johnny\m/]

I was just at the supermarket picking out some cereal for the week. I was about 4 beers tipsy from stopping to meet a buddy on the way home from work. I thought I was alone, based on my last look around, so I let a nice high-pitched biscuit fly. I looked up to see an 80+ year old woman staring at me in shock. I winked at her and went back to my shopping. I settled on organic granola and Cap'n Crunch w/ Crunchberries.

[DanBehavingBadly]

I was just at the supermarket picking out some cereal for the week. I was about 4 beers tipsy from stopping to meet a buddy on the way home from work. I thought I was alone, based on my last look around, so I let a nice high-pitched biscuit fly. I looked up to see an 80+ year old woman staring at me in shock. I winked at her and went back to my shopping. I settled on organic granola and Cap'n Crunch w/ Crunchberries.

A+