Auguries Forecasting an Inexorable Decrepitude

Music posts are a bannable offense.
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Necrometer
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Wed May 16, 2012 10:49 am

I first posted here in 2003 and remembering feeling much younger than most... almost a decade later, most of the old guard should be approaching middle age. This is a thread where you play Dutko and share those little reminders that your body shall decay into a frail shell before you mercifully die.

I don't have it bad, but the last few years have made it clear that the party is coming to a close. Doing the smallest, seemingly-harmless things have fucked over random tendons, requiring months of healing instead of the few days I'm accustomed to. I have to fuck my girlfriend carefully sometimes. This makes me long for death a little.

This would also be a great thread for Smegma to go on record about when exactly he'll put that shotgun in his mouth. The bigger that transgressive art collection gets, the harder it'll be to say goodbye, even from a wheelchair.
Last edited by Necrometer on Fri Nov 18, 2016 2:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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good thing I'll be dead soon, cause I'm tired of liars winning

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canon.docre
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Wed May 16, 2012 10:53 am

A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
[XHATEXBRIGADEX] because your a polotical faggot

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fallbacktostone
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Wed May 16, 2012 10:54 am

every time i'm done taking a shit that lasted longer than 5-6 minutes my calves and feet have electricity / sleep in them :shock:

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soiled depends
I'm always posting. At all times.
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Wed May 16, 2012 10:55 am

I toured Europe in 2007 and my liver has never been the same since I got back.
does your employer know that you are a cold hearted animal murderer in addition to being an insatiable pervert?-meatgrease
only a fundamentally insecure asshole would relish in the death of domesticated cats-chad

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Zerohero
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Wed May 16, 2012 11:05 am

cooked up a chicken sammich in my garage at lunch... some rye bread purchased from the Super Flea over the weekend, a touch of hickory smoked bacon, a light smear of cream cheese and pesto, fresh tomato and fresh ground pepper.

new garage-kitchen is good times.
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
LordDarksoul wrote:Thanks for the concern, Fucktractor.
BUNGVOX wrote:i don't want metallica to shit their pants. i want metallica to shit MY pants.

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Necrometer
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Wed May 16, 2012 11:31 am

Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
canon.docre wrote:A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
Yeah, the lower back is a ticking timebomb... our payback for evolving to walk upright. I bet you did something earlier that set you up for the injury, and the tub-hoist was the straw that broke your camel-back. Do you have an office/sitting job? That'll do you in. Cue Neckbard.
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good thing I'll be dead soon, cause I'm tired of liars winning

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\m/Johnny\m/
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Wed May 16, 2012 11:37 am

If I don't take a shit every single morning, it really bothers me... both physically and mentally.
elephants gerald wrote:
- GLENN DANZIG "literally a rotating cast of gigantic wigged infants," claims former tour manager

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Deadhouse
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Wed May 16, 2012 11:39 am

Even when I spend copious amounts of time stretching beforehand, feel the shock in my knees for the first mile of every run.

Zerohero
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Wed May 16, 2012 12:06 pm

Necrometer wrote:
Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
my scrotum is within city limits, sir. Though superflea is in suburbia

carry on young shavers going on about bein old menses.
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
LordDarksoul wrote:Thanks for the concern, Fucktractor.
BUNGVOX wrote:i don't want metallica to shit their pants. i want metallica to shit MY pants.

Frank Expletive
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Wed May 16, 2012 12:06 pm

I like scratching my balls way more than masturbating.

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krudmonk
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Wed May 16, 2012 12:18 pm

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UGH! HEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!

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james
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Wed May 16, 2012 12:34 pm

hahahahah what the fuck is that
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featherboa
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Wed May 16, 2012 1:22 pm

Necrometer wrote:
Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
canon.docre wrote:A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
Yeah, the lower back is a ticking timebomb... our payback for evolving to walk upright. I bet you did something earlier that set you up for the injury, and the tub-hoist was the straw that broke your camel-back. Do you have an office/sitting job? That'll do you in. Cue Neckbard.
Bruised my tailbone FOUR SUMMERS ago this year and it still constantly hurts. Fuck desks fuck cars.
let's overturn these tables disconnect these cables
This place don't make sense to me no more
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dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs

Natas
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Wed May 16, 2012 1:26 pm

featherboa wrote:
Necrometer wrote:
Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
canon.docre wrote:A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
Yeah, the lower back is a ticking timebomb... our payback for evolving to walk upright. I bet you did something earlier that set you up for the injury, and the tub-hoist was the straw that broke your camel-back. Do you have an office/sitting job? That'll do you in. Cue Neckbard.
Fuck desks
this was one of the biggest adjustments for me yeras ago: going from working at a desk twelve hours a week to 45. I really have to keep active outside of work way more than I did and have less free time than ever

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Introvert
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Wed May 16, 2012 2:29 pm

My work desk is one of those electronic sit-to-stand things so I make sure to have in stand mode as much as possible.

My big thing lately is whenever I go on one of my 15-20 mile walks I can barely go down the stairs to the basement the next morning without holding the handrail and walls for dear life. I need to start doing a intense stretching routine...
Friendly Goatus wrote:and stop being a dick to your cat

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monsterod
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Wed May 16, 2012 2:54 pm

Been posting since '01. Still in my twenties (for another week or so). In great shape. Thread rules.
turn these off meatman.

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Toxicarius
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Wed May 16, 2012 3:21 pm

Fading eyesight... reading glasses around the corner??

Assorted minor aches & pains.

A growing awareness of the importance of daily fiber intake.

That first time failure to find humor in farts. :cry:

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Necrometer
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Wed May 16, 2012 8:49 pm

monsterod wrote:In great shape.
post yer gut
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good thing I'll be dead soon, cause I'm tired of liars winning

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Cryptoplasty
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Wed May 16, 2012 9:06 pm

I started posting here almost 10 years ago when I was 22. At the time I had quit running college track and began a downward spiral of depression and Diablo 2 addiction. I was also in terrible shape. I'm definatly in better shape now than I was back then. The only thing I've noticed is that I require full nights of sleep now. Can't function of 4 hours of sleep like I used to.

I also share the FBTUS post shit leg issue. What the fuck is that???
Toilet Fleet wrote:dogs are shit tbqh
oh wow youre loyal, you know who else was loyal, fuckin goebbels

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Cryptoplasty
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Wed May 16, 2012 9:10 pm

Shitting in general is becoming more of a nightmare.
Toilet Fleet wrote:dogs are shit tbqh
oh wow youre loyal, you know who else was loyal, fuckin goebbels

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krudmonk
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Wed May 16, 2012 9:12 pm

james wrote:hahahahah what the fuck is that
UGH! HEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!

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soiled depends
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Wed May 16, 2012 9:22 pm

the shape of my toe nails are all around horrbile. all of them pretty much. I pluck off dead skin off them shits weekly with my clippers. i never bleed when I do this. my nails are dead and never as bad as the skin around them.
does your employer know that you are a cold hearted animal murderer in addition to being an insatiable pervert?-meatgrease
only a fundamentally insecure asshole would relish in the death of domesticated cats-chad

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Cryptoplasty
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Wed May 16, 2012 9:26 pm

Calf cramps are the worst pain imaginable. I've had 3 in my life and everytime I feel anything in my calf I can't help thinking one is coming.
Toilet Fleet wrote:dogs are shit tbqh
oh wow youre loyal, you know who else was loyal, fuckin goebbels

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The Torsion
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Wed May 16, 2012 9:36 pm

ITT: Dudes under 50 will whine about being "old" because they aren't teenagers anymore.
Haha,

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alleged triggerman
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Wed May 16, 2012 9:40 pm

Get some sport gel goo for dem cramps duders.

I got a "hitler" cramp climbing out of Zion NP. Quad locks up like I'm goose steppin'. I had ran out of water, so I started eating great white shark gummy worms, two at a time. I did it too fast and almost choked on the fuckers.
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
200m from the car.

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