Auguries Forecasting an Inexorable Decrepitude [NOW A SLEEP POLL]

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how do you sleep

on my back
2
12%
on my side
11
65%
head hits concrete vocalist
1
6%
sometimes, on my fucking face like a maniac
3
18%
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0
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Total votes: 17

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Necrometer
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Auguries Forecasting an Inexorable Decrepitude [NOW A SLEEP POLL]

Post by Necrometer »

I first posted here in 2003 and remembering feeling much younger than most... almost a decade later, most of the old guard should be approaching middle age. This is a thread where you play Dutko and share those little reminders that your body shall decay into a frail shell before you mercifully die.

I don't have it bad, but the last few years have made it clear that the party is coming to a close. Doing the smallest, seemingly-harmless things have fucked over random tendons, requiring months of healing instead of the few days I'm accustomed to. I have to fuck my girlfriend carefully sometimes. This makes me long for death a little.

This would also be a great thread for Smegma to go on record about when exactly he'll put that shotgun in his mouth. The bigger that transgressive art collection gets, the harder it'll be to say goodbye, even from a wheelchair.
Last edited by Necrometer on Fri Nov 18, 2016 2:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by canon.docre »

A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by fallbacktostone »

every time i'm done taking a shit that lasted longer than 5-6 minutes my calves and feet have electricity / sleep in them :shock:
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by soiled depends »

I toured Europe in 2007 and my liver has never been the same since I got back.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Zerohero »

cooked up a chicken sammich in my garage at lunch... some rye bread purchased from the Super Flea over the weekend, a touch of hickory smoked bacon, a light smear of cream cheese and pesto, fresh tomato and fresh ground pepper.

new garage-kitchen is good times.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Necrometer »

Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
canon.docre wrote:A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
Yeah, the lower back is a ticking timebomb... our payback for evolving to walk upright. I bet you did something earlier that set you up for the injury, and the tub-hoist was the straw that broke your camel-back. Do you have an office/sitting job? That'll do you in. Cue Neckbard.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by \m/Johnny\m/ »

If I don't take a shit every single morning, it really bothers me... both physically and mentally.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Deadhouse »

Even when I spend copious amounts of time stretching beforehand, feel the shock in my knees for the first mile of every run.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Zerohero »

Necrometer wrote:
Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
my scrotum is within city limits, sir. Though superflea is in suburbia

carry on young shavers going on about bein old menses.
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Frank Expletive »

I like scratching my balls way more than masturbating.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by krudmonk »

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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by james »

hahahahah what the fuck is that
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by featherboa »

Necrometer wrote:
Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
canon.docre wrote:A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
Yeah, the lower back is a ticking timebomb... our payback for evolving to walk upright. I bet you did something earlier that set you up for the injury, and the tub-hoist was the straw that broke your camel-back. Do you have an office/sitting job? That'll do you in. Cue Neckbard.
Bruised my tailbone FOUR SUMMERS ago this year and it still constantly hurts. Fuck desks fuck cars.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Natas »

featherboa wrote:
Necrometer wrote:
Zerohero wrote:new garage-kitchen is good times.
we already know that you have a pasty, terrified, complacent suburban scrotum where your soul should be; this thread is more for corporeal malfunctions
canon.docre wrote:A few months ago I put my back out lifting my leg onto the bath edge to dry myself after a shower and couldn't get out of bed for 3 days straight, and couldn't walk properly for a month.
Yeah, the lower back is a ticking timebomb... our payback for evolving to walk upright. I bet you did something earlier that set you up for the injury, and the tub-hoist was the straw that broke your camel-back. Do you have an office/sitting job? That'll do you in. Cue Neckbard.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Introvert »

My work desk is one of those electronic sit-to-stand things so I make sure to have in stand mode as much as possible.

My big thing lately is whenever I go on one of my 15-20 mile walks I can barely go down the stairs to the basement the next morning without holding the handrail and walls for dear life. I need to start doing a intense stretching routine...
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by monsterod »

Been posting since '01. Still in my twenties (for another week or so). In great shape. Thread rules.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Toxicarius »

Fading eyesight... reading glasses around the corner??

Assorted minor aches & pains.

A growing awareness of the importance of daily fiber intake.

That first time failure to find humor in farts. :cry:
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Necrometer »

monsterod wrote:In great shape.
post yer gut
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Cryptoplasty »

I started posting here almost 10 years ago when I was 22. At the time I had quit running college track and began a downward spiral of depression and Diablo 2 addiction. I was also in terrible shape. I'm definatly in better shape now than I was back then. The only thing I've noticed is that I require full nights of sleep now. Can't function of 4 hours of sleep like I used to.

I also share the FBTUS post shit leg issue. What the fuck is that???
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Cryptoplasty »

Shitting in general is becoming more of a nightmare.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by krudmonk »

james wrote:hahahahah what the fuck is that
UGH! HEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by soiled depends »

the shape of my toe nails are all around horrbile. all of them pretty much. I pluck off dead skin off them shits weekly with my clippers. i never bleed when I do this. my nails are dead and never as bad as the skin around them.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by Cryptoplasty »

Calf cramps are the worst pain imaginable. I've had 3 in my life and everytime I feel anything in my calf I can't help thinking one is coming.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by The Torsion »

ITT: Dudes under 50 will whine about being "old" because they aren't teenagers anymore.
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Re: Auguries Foreshadowing an Inexorable Decrepitude

Post by alleged triggerman »

Get some sport gel goo for dem cramps duders.

I got a "hitler" cramp climbing out of Zion NP. Quad locks up like I'm goose steppin'. I had ran out of water, so I started eating great white shark gummy worms, two at a time. I did it too fast and almost choked on the fuckers.
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