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You probably should masturbate before the game session, it eases your nerves.

tell your DM to man up and seek changes to his mystic progresson.

All I know is I miss my shadow pupper and getting an edgy ghost is not something I wanted at all.

No, you can put down or pick up your shield during your turn but not both. So you can drop your shield, and fire all your shit. Next turn, fire all your shit, pick your shield back up. So you'd have the bonus at least for half of the fight.

That said, actually doing that would be fucking stupid.

Be a shitty wizard

spiderman is chaotic good
a knight is lawful good

railroading cunt, go kill yourself you fucking scrub

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY IS THE RAVEN QUEEN IN FUCKING EVERYTHING
HEY HERE'S A RAVEN QUEEN ARCHETYPE
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE
HERE'S A THIRD
HERE'S SOME RAVEN QUEEN SUBRACES
OH, THAT LORE YOU LIKED? TOO BAD IT'S MORE SHADOWFELL HORSESHIT NOW
OH AND ANOTHER RAVEN QUEEN SUBRACE
HOW HASN'T THIS FUCKING BITCH JUST TAKEN OVER THE WORLD BY NOW IF SHE'S GOT SO MUCH DONUT STEAL SHIT GOING ON
HOW DO ACTUAL GODS EVEN FUCKING COMPETE

OH THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, LIKE HOW WE ACERERAK WAS THE BADDY OF THIS YEAR'S PRODUCT AND WE WERE FUCKING INUNDATED IN UNDEAD SUBRACES AND CLASSES AND LORE BEING POURED INTO EVERY FUCKING ORIFICE UNTIL YOU THOUGHT SKELETONS WERE 80% OF THE WORLD'S ACTIVE POPULATION
OR HOW WHEN PRINCES OF THE APOCALYPSE WAS OUT EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT KOSSUTH, KOSSUTH, KOSSUTH, AND THE OTHER ELEMENTAL GODS
YEAH I REMEMBER THE PYROMANCER SORCERER COMING OUT THEN, AND THE FIRE ELVES, AND THE AZER SUBRACE, AND THE FIRE PALADIN, AND THE FIRE WARLOCK, AND WIZARDS BEING REWRITTEN SO THEY GET MAGIC FROM THE ELEMENTAL PLANE OF FIRE INSTEAD OF THE WEAVE

FUCK THE SHADOWFELL
I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE UNLESS WE'RE NUKING IT
THE PLANE OF SHADOW SUCKED
SHAR SUCKED
THEIR UPDATE TO IT SUCKED
THE SHADOWFELL SUCKS
RAVEN QUEEN SUCKS
IT'S ALL FUCKING DUMB

who is the best demon prince

How do I become a demon lord

That suggests that fighters are better than wizards, and that's not really true

Curse of Sudden Weight Gain (100+ pounds)

FVBTVS wrote: ↑Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:30 pm

YOU THOUGHT SKELETONS WERE 80% OF THE WORLD'S ACTIVE POPULATION

Hand crossbows are gay as shit and retarded.

As someone who ran a lot of Planescape in the 1990s, it was a shock to see them included as a core race in 3rd edition. They absolutely do not fit into a setting that isn't Planescape. It would be like if WotC made thri-kreen a core race and released a bunch of adventure modules set in a typical medieval fantasy simulation where you had to rescue a thri-kreen princess of a human kingdom from an evil thri-kreen wizard and his legion of orcs and every fourth merchant was also a thri-kreen and nobody mentioned how their favorite food is elves.

Well sex with dragon is racemixing and bestiality so i say its bad.

Sometimes I forget gnomes even exist.

The wide margin of women involved in dice and card games are fucking transtrenders, landwhales, or Girlfriends who don't care and everyone knows it.

On a less serious note, do coloured people cast with their wands held sideways?

I once ended up with a woman playing in my campaign instead of another of my meetup's campaigns because one of the men in her previous group kept trying to smell and taste her dice. I've heard other uncomfortable stories, like the GM who gave his only female player a "tits charisma" bonus, but nothing tops repeatedly attempting to lick someone's d20.

FVBTVS wrote: ↑Wed Nov 29, 2017 10:50 am

The wide margin of women involved in dice and card games are fucking transtrenders, landwhales, or Girlfriends who don't care and everyone knows it.

On a less serious note, do coloured people cast with their wands held sideways?

What is the most efficient way to make use of as many parts of a creature as possibly by making it into as many individual undead creatures as possible?

What's the maximum possible?

Let's say there's a limitation put on using regeneration effects on the body while it's alive in order to harvest an arbitrary number of hands or eyeballs+optic nerves from them. Also, if Hydras are valid they can only lose enough heads in order to reach their maximum number of heads.

I can't picture a dwarf without a Scottish accent

mexican dwarves

Hopefully you're still here, if not then maybe someone else can enjoy my former dm's antics
>one of the evil players, a half orc fighter, gets some of that symbiote black stuff on his arm while fighting a dog that's covered in it
>it burns like hell, and the only way to kill it is with fire
>none of us were playing spellcasters and he didn't think to use a torch
>he just cuts his fucking arm off mid-conflict
>later on he does a ritual with the non-spellcaster necromancer to please the dark lord
>it grows his arm and a previously missing eye back
>this makes him into a revenant (???)
>don't learn of how he got fixed until weeks later in real time
>the player tells me about it
>ask what his goal is out of curiosity
>"What goal?"
>what
>after following session I tell the dm that he's wrong about what a revenant is
>link him to the UA
>he just talks about how his world is homebrew and super unique high magic and speshul
>the half orc is a revenant without a goal
>a functionally immortal character with no drawback

>dm's fiance is playing as the homebrew non-spellcaster necromancer
>the idea of this is fucking retarded considering that necromancy is a school of magic, but that's not the issue
>she gets a lot of small special treatment moments, as one would expect
>rolls clearly fudged in her favor, sunlight sensitivity ignored, overpowered magic items, shit like that
>the worst moment was when we were sent on a mission to go hunt some chimeras
>we find one
>everyone gets ready for a fight
>the "necromancer" starts yelling that we need to stop fighting
>for some reason she refuses to talk through a mic so she's typing this into the roll20
>everyone is ignoring the ""necromancer"" out of habit, fight continues
>he starts saying that's *his* chimera
>what
>after a fudged animal handling check (the total was like 11), the chimera becomes friendly
>this was the negromancer's pet chimera when he was a kid or some shit
>dm's fiance gets a free pet chimera at level 3

Pick whichever fits your character you rollplaying piece of shit

god dammit pixies are so fucking adorable it hurts

All women are whores

There are other non-D&D games if you want to play human dung farmers who will never see a single elf in their lives.

Out of so many entities and gods in the D&D multiverse, the raven queen might be the biggest Mary Sue

FVBTVS wrote: ↑Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:24 am

negromancer

There was this dude called Mirae. We were in the middle of investigating a city falling into ruin for the mafia activities within it. We stood in this square debating what we should do when suddenly an iguana scampered into view. It flicked its tongue at us and then continued on its way. We almost brushed it off until we heard "Balthazar. BALTHAZAR. Get back over here you cocksucker," at which point a vaguely unattractive, pudgy fellow shuffled his way across the square, followed by a herd of iguanas. He wore a leather jacket with a very nicely embroidered "Ladies Love Lizards" on the back.

He continued occasionally showing up, usually at times we were contemplating something or debating a solution to a problem.

i fucking hate what videogames have done to the cleric archetype over the years turning it into some healslut

most DMs never got to have 3 women at their table.

Why the fuck are people talking about D&D like its some fucking theoretical physics. It's not the lack of intelligence or ability to understand the math that makes people say "This is too complicated" it's lack of interest to justify doing the work.

Women seeing the numbers and just being like "fuck this" is a cultural thing, not an "I literally lack the basic ability to do this."

Playing 5e doesn't make you a genius, it just means you like games

My (warlock) patron demands that I dress fancy as fuck everywhere I go. it's like a love/hate relationship with me as a gold digger tiefling and my patron an old grumpy businessman who buys flashy outfits for me to wear