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FVBTVS
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Have any of your Player's adopted an orphaned child in your campaign? How long did the process take? What does the child do in the game?
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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What do you do if a player falls in love with an NPC romantically?
lizardfolk are cool because they're exotic humans
anything shorter than 4 feet through and you go into fag dragon territory
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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Our cleric ruined Curse of Strahd for our DM one session, too.
werewolf panic
gather everyone into tavern for safety
oh shit it was her all along
werewolf shreds this dude in half
everyone starts beating the shit out of it
takes the cleric 3 turns to get inside
cleric walks in
cleric reaches out
strokes the pelt of the shewolf
casts remove curse
the hair falls away to reveal the busty townperson from before
her massive tits heaved at the exertion of combat
she had some cuts, but nothing too serious
her fantastic melons were unharmed as well
they beamed up at the party from the floor
the woman gave a ragged shudder
and her boobs quivered
the nipples grew hard very suddenly
almost in embarrassment
she slowly began to stand
her tater tots hung like lusty teardrops
completely exposed to the hungry eyes of the cleric
she made it to her feet and stood proudly
her amazing breasts were nothing to be ashamed of
and the busty woman knew it
"Thank you, kind cleric. May you walk long with your god."
and she left
how do i make a character based around the idea of being raised by chickens
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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Eight Bit Alien
Freakin Insane & Stuff..
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RAISED BY CHICKENS
riley-o wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:28 pm
Capitalism may not be perfect but it’s pretty darn close.
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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>wizard picks up a magical long sword and swings it around
>tell him he can’t use it
>he is confused and wants to know why he can’t attack with it
>because the rules say you can’t
>”so if I tried to stab someone with the sword, what would happen”
>NOTHING because you CANNOT DO THAT
>”how do I learn to use it”
>YOU CANNOT DO THAT
>“I can’t pay someone to train me?”
>NO END OF DISCUSSION
>”that seems silly if I made the game I’d let people train”
>start screaming autistically at this challenge to GM authority and the Word of Gygax
>curse him with deafness, blindness, and -500xp
>threaten a blue bolt if I hear another word
>quietly packs his things and leaves
>satisfied smile on my face as I’ve purged the FOE
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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i am sure that person that wrote elf section of mtof had some genderfluid fetish. with sex changing being a highest blessing for an elf and them dreaming to be mutable like corellon.
Fun Fact
People are gender fluid all the time without any magic
You can be a gender fluid Tortle Barbarian if you like.
No one gives a damn, no blessing is require

How do you handle a fight with someone who is completely unkillable and invincible to all weapons the party possesses?
I want him to be defeatable, but in the clever way, like "make the ceiling collapse on him so he's trapped for an hour or two".
Chad wrote:
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FVBTVS
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I would love to create a mini-arc around a secret NPC cannibal. Especially over the long term. Friendliest, most supportive NPC buddy turns out to be grossly evil. Regularly cooks meals for players, listens to their problems, gives dangerous advice. MMM mm mmm, delicious!
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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How many bugs or small animals could a druid of a large race reasonably fit in his cloak? Could a firbolg or a goliath for example fit a small bee hive in there?
A friend once played a Beast master Warforged Ranger whose beast was a bee colony that used his insides as a hive
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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holy shit do you have my dungeon master? It took 30 minutes to find fucking YEAST for bread, or we couldn't make our own food, and noone knew what fucking yeast was in his world apparently.

I worked at a bakery IRL, so we finally got it by breaking into the bakery (who said they didnt have any fucking yeast) and stealing some bread put out to rise, and making a sourdough.

why did we even fucking need yeast if he wasnt going to give it to us?
:moreawesome:
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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good thing I'll be dead soon, cause I'm tired of liars winning
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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Walk into town
Ask if there's an inn in this town so we can sleep before our meeting tomorrow afternoon
"Theres an in inn the next town over"
too far and out of our way, sleep in a stable
wake up, go to meeting
guy insults us for looking and smelling like shit, asks us why we didn't stay at the inn
"the inn was in the next town"
guy berates us for being retarded, there is an inn in THIS town
later find the stupid peasant who gave us shit directions
shrugs and says "You didn't specify anything, you just asked for an inn."
GM is smug, genuinely sees it as a learning experience for us.
none of you guys have it like that DM who apparently let his players eat another player, described it in detail and wrote it off as if it was something perfectly normal.
Kills Deer
Describes how he decapitates it with his bare hands
Describes how he fucks the throat hole
In detail
Then wears the head

Other campaign
Magic superkid NPC gets recruited to the party
Player is a Feral Tiefling, so has wings
Proceeds to molest the kid while the party goes through a dimensional rift without him
Pretty much gets magical AIDS, but they superpower him until he dies
Opens own rift
Carrying child by the anus, holding him like a bowling ball, tries to go through the rift
Turns out, kids magic makes it so he has to stay one this plane
Kid gets smeared between dimension

tfw he's a player in my upcoming campaign
makes his dragon encounters always include petting and tail rubs but never combat
dm doesn't want us to ever die
always gives us a last minute out
after a series of strange circumstances that led to us being out of all resources a player dies
we all say our goodbyes
NPC cleric out of nowhere "I was just so touched by your sacrifice and love for one another I shall heal you"

How do I take it seriously when there's no way to die without committing in game suicide?
Commit out of game suicide
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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Eight Bit Alien
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magic baby bowling ball :lol:
riley-o wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:28 pm
Capitalism may not be perfect but it’s pretty darn close.
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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My autism isn't like Tolkien's
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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I’m planning on doing a queer culture book for Dark Sun similar to my Eberron book, as soon as I’m allowed. Best of luck to you!

My current idea is to explore breakaway queer free tribes, trans brides of Nibenay, and possibly history-inspired homosexuality in Balic, as well as having a friend explore weird Kreen gender. Possibly presenting elves as an inherent agender or fluid society, too.

Someday!
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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Eight Bit Alien
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BREAKAWAY CIVILIZATION :ax:
riley-o wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:28 pm
Capitalism may not be perfect but it’s pretty darn close.
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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Fuck everything and be a Minotaur
Gnomes wielding a longbow looks silly in my head. At that point the bow is surely a shortbow
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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Dark Sun is literally just madmax trash that cucks humanity by saying "OH LEL, WE'RE ALL JUST HALFLING OFF SHOOTS! OH AND MAGIC IS LE BAD!" I have absolutely no idea how people like you could possibly let WoTC get away with such blatant cuckoldry.
:betternotstartanyshit:
Concept that I've always wanted to use:
Barbarian that cries when he's mad
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
You ever heard of the term "roleplaying game"?
Because first of all that's roleplaying
Second, it's a damn game it doesn't have to perfectly model life. Is my movement speed reduced because there's a pebble in my shoe? Do I get a -1 to saves because I kinda have to pee?
Chad wrote:
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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Make wizard
get to end of game
cast wish
Wish the party's edgelord rogue was never born
dude rages the fuck out because he doesnt get to finish his character arc which involved killing elf Voldemort and becoming the Master of the Thieves Guild.
I retire to my Wizard Tower because I didnt have some gay mission.
Be honest, do you jack off while thinking about your vampire NPC?
Chad wrote:
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FVBTVS
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I had a DM require over a dozen listed character flaws on character creation, he was also really into doing funny voices.
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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Although the stink of negative stereotypes attributed to people who play RPGs is lessening, they are not entirely misattributed or completely gone. My own experience as someone new to TTRPGs in high school speaks to this point. Of the two people I know played RPGs at my high school (specifically D and D and Pathfinder), they were very strange. One could be categorized as a neck beard. He was an all around wangrod, his lack of hygiene was off putting, and his almost obsessive interest in guns was, at times, unsettling. I had a surreal conversation with the other in which he expressed, quote, “I can do God’s job better than him.” He then went on to explain how he would become immortal by transferring his consciousness into a robot body and, through his hyper-intelligence, lead mankind to peace and prosperity (by what means I don’t remember). He was also a wangrod quite often, mostly to teachers. One of the reasons that I stopped playing D and D was that I didn’t want to be associated with people like them, even if they're only a minority demographic in the hobby.
Chad wrote:
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FVBTVS
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Today I did it. All my players died to a dragon. For a little context they were a party of 3 people at level 3 and they were killed by a young green dragon in his lair. I really tried to give them a chance to talk them out of the situation.

The Ranger managed to go undercover in the dragon cult. While al the cultists were chanting praysings to the dragon he decided to tell the dragon that there is another dragon. To be specific a black dragon in the northern swamp. He did it in draconic so the dragon let him a life and he was on the way to persuade the dragon, but the bard tried to sneak into the cave and failed of course. So the now quite friendly dragon rushed to the bard and the bard tried to lie to the dragon and roled a nat 1. So the dragon tried to grapple him and failed. The bard decide that he has enough and attackes the dragon. By the time the dragon reaches the cave entrance the bard is grappled and unconscious. The paladin was running outside all this time an waited for the dragon. He tried to collabse the sealing of the cave but did not enough damage with his thundering smite to do so. Than he and the dragon had an really short and not so glorious fight. While all this stuff was happening the Ranger was trying to find a way to reliese a prisoner of the dragon. An had a fight with the bandit captain. He won the fight easy due to really high rolles. He freed the prisoner. Which fleed without helping him, because it was a green hag. And than he got greedy on the other side of fight the paladin was losing and the Bard was unconscious. So I let the black dragon attack the green dragon. Just for the fun I let the player of the paladin and the bard play the dragon fight for a couple of rounds. They loved it. While the dragon fight their character healed them self to full life and then they got greedy as well. So they ran into the cave again and tried to lot the dragon hoard. The problem was that the dragons were pretty hurt and the green dragon had managed to catch the black dragon by using lair actions. I know that green dragon don't have access to lair actions, but I feeled it would be to give him that ability to show the overwhelming power of the dragon. So the black dragon fleed from the fight an the green dragon returned to his lair. All the players had decided to loot the hoard and not to flee from there. The rest was a really short fight.

Was it right for me to kill the players in that situation or not?
Chad wrote:
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FVBTVS
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The DM rolls. You see the roll, because only a faggot, insecure DM that has to cheat to keep their game interesting rolls in secret. You then decide whether or not you want to use cutting words, before the DM blurts out the result - you basically have to interject. Then it happens.
Your DM is retarded, congratulations.
Help me dissolve a stupid argument.
How much of actual physical strength is related to muscle bulk? We have a 18 STR character in our game who is described as being short & wiry human with lean, compact muscles. After session we came upon that while chatting and now people are arguing over whether that description is realistic or not.
Help?
your DM is a homosexual
A man cannot become a women even with magic
Chad wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 4:01 pm
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FVBTVS
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played as an awakened horse, had a retarded gnome as a pet and rider. everyone thinks it’s the gnome casting spells and stuff but it’s just me
yo, new to dnd and over the next year planning to get into a party when i leave my job. Looking at the warlock the most as i see lots of fun possibilities. Currently thinking of old granny archfey warlock who just uses old granny knowledge and baking skills to get out of situations
Chad wrote:
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FVBTVS
Sweet Lord _______
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I like punching things in DnD alot
Chad wrote:
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