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Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2018 8:21 pm
by Black Jacques
...as an adult.
I remember sitting around a campfire bullshitting with some friends when one of them brought up sharting and how one asshole she knew wouldn’t admit that he’d ever shit his pants as an adult. Like what sort of fucking insecure retard wouldn’t admit to something we all do? Another friend backed her up and everyone had a good laugh. And I sat there like pigface in the Twilight Zone.
Then last week my office neighbour at work was talking loudly on her phone to someone about missing the last few days of work due to the flu
“Oh I was feeling kinda hot, then I puked a bit and couldn’t eat for a few days because I was a worried about getting sick. But then I worked up some strength and made my way to the grocery store, was able to pick up my kids from daycare, but I didn’t stop sharting til yesterday.”
What percentage of you adults have no control over your own ass hole?
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:49 am
by spacehamster
Happened once at work, hard enough that it was visible from the outside. I was supposed to supervise an exam that day and I wasn't sure if I had diarrhea, so I went home.
Also at least once at home that I remember, but that just meant that my underpants went in the laundry and that was that.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 9:49 am
by featherboa
The time when I was working on the car ride at disneyland comes to mind. I'd say it was a minor shart, but after an 8 hour shift, things were kind of irritated. Ah, wage labor.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 9:50 am
by ghost boner
All the fuckn time. The worst was when I had the stomach flu and shit would just leak shit out of my ass with no warning. Like i didn't even feel it coming just all of a sudden i had filled my boxers up with hot water so i started stuffing my ass with toilet paper. That and puking every 5 minutes got me so dehydrated every part of my body had cramps. That was the worst. But yeah, toadly shit my pants a lot
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 9:53 am
by hipster holocaust
The subway is a very long 10 minute walk from my house and the mcdonalds next to it is a junkie haven, so let's just say I have to get new undies many times a year.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 1:37 pm
by Necrometer
lol this thread
I think I threw away a pair of underwear once in a burger joint's restroom
the most awesome shart was when I was sitting on a chair naked, post-shower, and after the odd-feeling toot, my follow-up inspection revealed a literal slice of mushroom, almost totally intact, just chilling there on the chair coated in a thin film of ass-slime. i have no idea how it made it through the whole system, coming out looking mostly unmolested.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 1:47 pm
by featherboa
omg
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:39 pm
by ghost boner
Hahahahaha that's so good. I just remembered another time when I lost the key to THE CLUB I had on my steering wheel and spent hours trying to get it off. Defeated I lay on the ground with the clubbed wheel next to me. I just wanted to fat to have some sort of victory and of course that was not the case. The girl I was seeing at the time drove me to work and I told her what had happened. It was new so she ended up telling our mutual friend that she didn't think I liked her because I told her I shit my pants while still courting her. I ended up bringing the steering wheel into work (home depot) thinking I could use some tools to saw it off. A coworker saw and pinched it in between two metal beams and bent it. It came off immediately. That fucking day sucked
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 4:22 pm
by cxwx
I full on shit my pants once because I was lost in the woods and was too self conscious to shit on the ground and wipe with leaves and thought I could hold it in until I found my way out. I wasn’t an adult though. My dad found me and I had to wipe with old invoices and scraps of paper he had in his wallet.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 4:31 pm
by Necrophilic Mallard
Not as an adult.
Once ate a shitload if slim Jim's in one sitting and didn't make home.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2018 2:06 am
by spacehamster
There's something liberating about shitting in the woods. Pull your pants down, hang on to a tree and let 'er rip. Of course you always regret it once you realize what wiping with leaves is like.
I did that once and didn't realize until I got home that I had a leaf stuck to my butthole. I thought it as poop.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2018 8:27 am
by hipster holocaust
ghost boner wrote: ↑Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:39 pm
Hahahahaha that's so good. I just remembered another time when I lost the key to THE CLUB I had on my steering wheel and spent hours trying to get it off. Defeated I lay on the ground with the clubbed wheel next to me. I just wanted to fat to have some sort of victory and of course that was not the case. The girl I was seeing at the time drove me to work and I told her what had happened. It was new so she ended up telling our mutual friend that she didn't think I liked her because I told her I shit my pants while still courting her. I ended up bringing the steering wheel into work (home depot) thinking I could use some tools to saw it off. A coworker saw and pinched it in between two metal beams and bent it. It came off immediately. That fucking day sucked
I've heard of thieves just sawing off the half with the club and steering with the attached half. But could be wrong. Also you were probably saw-less. Was the wheel itself able to be reused?
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2018 5:54 pm
by ghost boner
Yeah it was only screwed on with allen heads. Old jeeps dont give no fucks
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 10:35 am
by Jimm O' Lation
two threads about shitting
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 11:21 am
by featherboa
"camping" at a group site at the beach (you cross the street and you're in a suburban town), eating nothing but jack in the box tacos for 3 days straight...
The last day we were playing soccer and all the sudden I was like "oh no" and took off running to the nearest building, the very same jack in the box. The bathroom was single occupancy and if someone had been in there, that store would probably still be closed to this day. Anyways I made it, sorry for the boring story.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 11:42 am
by hipster holocaust
Yeah but this is a thread about shartting so either admit that you did or make something up
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 12:01 pm
by cxwx
Jimm O' Lation wrote: ↑Wed Nov 14, 2018 10:35 am
two threads about shitting
Why don’t you tell us all what your old screen name was dipshit.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 12:05 pm
by featherboa
i already have shart credits in here so consider it extra credit
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 12:11 pm
by hipster holocaust
featherboa wrote: ↑Wed Nov 14, 2018 12:05 pm
i already have shart nuggets on here so consider it extra nugget
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 1:42 pm
by Jimm O' Lation
cxwx wrote: ↑Wed Nov 14, 2018 12:01 pm
Why don’t you tell us all what your old screen name was dipshit.
dis*aster
better round up your antifa buds and kick my ass about it.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:01 pm
by cxwx
Wasn’t dis*ster Matt Jacobson? I don’t have any antifa buds.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:09 pm
by Eight Bit Alien
I heard it was S.R. Prozak actually
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:12 pm
by cxwx
I remember reading A.N.U.S. Dot com and Tracks Of Creation online circa 1996.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:16 pm
by cxwx
Who ever jimmy o Latino is he seems to be having a bit of an identity crisis as he clearly has pretty extensive grindcore knowledge which tends towards primarily towards leftwing ideology. Actually the idea of a full on Nazi/racist grindcore band is pretty funny. Anal Cunt doesn’t count. The closest I can think of is Grinded Nig. Someone should make a thread about racist noisecore.
Re: Have You Ever Sharted
Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:19 am
by Jimm O' Lation
actually, my full name was nick (dis*aster) nigorache.