Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[ratanda]

I blow my nose right at my desk.

So do I! (at your desk)

I actually overhead someone asking a Vietnamese coworker if their family had been affected by the earthquake/tsunami. Either the person being questioned didn't hear the question or they are very tolerant of dumb hicks thinking all people from Asia are the same nationality.

Someone asked me this too, and I just assume he thought I was Japanese. Probably reinforced by my recent trip to Japan.

Then again.. if I went made a trip to some European country, he probably wouldn't think I was from that country.

[father of lies]

Wow. What was the activity?

Just some goofy worksheet about scale in chemistry and biology. Being the day after St. Patty's Day and the day before spring break, my prof felt it best to not have real class, which is pretty retarded too.

[ratanda]

Wow. What was the activity?

Just some goofy worksheet about scale in chemistry and biology. Being the day after St. Patty's Day and the day before spring break, my prof felt it best to not have real class, which is pretty retarded too.

Sounds like yer prof is more fun to party with than you!

[kmfcm]

Someone just called to track a package they sent in 2007

[hana maru]

two girls were talking about replacing their phones and one said, "i was on my old phone with my ex when he broke up with me - i ended up having to replace that phone because i water-damaged it with my tears."

[Broken Into Pieces]

I blow my nose right at my desk.

So do I! (at your desk)

I actually overhead someone asking a Vietnamese coworker if their family had been affected by the earthquake/tsunami. Either the person being questioned didn't hear the question or they are very tolerant of dumb hicks thinking all people from Asia are the same nationality.

Someone asked me this too, and I just assume he thought I was Japanese. Probably reinforced by my recent trip to Japan.

Then again.. if I went made a trip to some European country, he probably wouldn't think I was from that country.

a bunch of my mom's co-workers were asking her if I was okay, and they even know that I'm in Korea not Japan... and she works at a school, with people responsible for educating children

[danox3]

"Michael, please report to the Tone Lounge"

[CupidStunt]

Echobelly t shirts are forbidden

[Hypnagogia]

in a conf room, typing out success criteria for one of the tasks in our next iteration:
Perform anal <cursor blinks for long pause> ysis

[neckbeard]

this guy from usc that did all this like graphics engine game programming... i had to show him how to set his ip to a static one, and then ftp something to somewhere

[Dr Yail Bloor]

Last week a customer said to me 'this contract is anus'...thats pretty awesome I guess.

[caldwell.the.great]

coworker: "writing is easy! he should get that kind of thing done in 20 or 30 minutes" (speaking about a newsletter)
me: "that takes me at least an hour to do, and that's if I'm not interrupted"
coworker: "i don't get it, just type up a few words and send it out!"
me: "take a stab at it"

~45 minutes later~

coworker: "how do you spell 'doppelbock?'"

[Vanessa America]

Observations : My coworker just got some crazy surveillance cameras installed in her Hamptons condo. It feeds onto a website that she checks daily. People come in and out, maintenance, manager. They've even set money traps to see if someone is stealing from them (her and her partner). Today she is watching the housekeeper.

"I'm convinced my cleaning lady is stealing my Fantastik, every time I buy a bottle, it's gone when I return" - her
"Does she know you are watching her right now?" - me

Also, speaking of her cleaning ladies... she has this one for her Hamptons house... but when my coworker and her boyfriend decided on cohabitation a few years ago, they couldn't agree on a cleaning lady, they both had one. They compromised and decided to keep both, one comes 2 times a month, the other comes 3 times a month. The cleaning ladies don't know about each other though, they don't want to insult them, so they try to make a mess before they come over to hide any evidence.

Fucking rich people.

[krudmonk]

New York's alright if you like spying on the people you're afraid to offend

[Geeheeb]

And assholes.

[Friendly Goatus]

Hey Vanessa can I borrow a few thousand dollars?

[pleasuretokill]

FUCK! You mean to tell me this whole time I've been using an analog computer?? This is bullshit.

[Ghost Dad]

wait... what about saxophones?

When did You move?

Gonna be a nurse, Broheim?

[Ghost Dad]

Same gal I've posted about from work yesterday: "wait, I thought honey grew in trees?"

[ratanda]

Emails:

Coworker: "Could you please also look at acct #xxxxxxxxxxxx?"

Me: "Can you give me more information about this account? Like office, bank, currency? We don't have any accounts in the database with that number."

Coworker: "Yes, I can provide you with more information. I will update you once I receive all your needed details."

Me:

Me: "I gave you the needed details! : office, bank, currency"

After sending that she called right away...

Coworker: "Did I miss something in your email?"

Me: "Yes....I asked for office, bank, currency."
I then read the email I sent to her out loud and pointed out where I asked for that information.

Coworker: "So we're on the same page"

Me: "Um... Yes...."

She and I get along pretty well, so I teased her a little bit about this but she sounded like she was about to cry. Meh.


EDIT: From an email this morning -

"Good Morning,

Sorry about missing the conf call on this morning."

[Necrometer]

coworker: [complains about laptop (macbook) being slow while an image renders]
me: how many processors you got in there?
coworker: seven?
me:

[Hotchka!]

"I don't usually listen to Pantera but occasionally I like to play the fastest most brutal music there is."

[Mendicant]

my area does learning and development work and today at a presentation our General Manager (ie. about 3rd in command of the whole department) did a speech and announced that the decision had been made about a tender for a new provider for our leadership training but that she couldn't remember their name but yay for us!!

only problem was that the consultants used for the presentation today had tendered for the same thing and hadn't actually been told yet they they were unsuccessful

another in the long line of gaffs from this GM

[/boring public service story]

[From Blintzes to Crepes]

"I don't usually listen to Pantera but occasionally I like to play the fastest most brutal music there is."

[riley-o]

worker 1: ahhh there's a bee in here !
worker 2: oh it's a big one too !
worker 1: it must be a mother bee.
worker 2: yeah.