Five Finger Donkey Punch - new bassist flyer

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SHOOTME
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Five Finger Donkey Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by SHOOTME »

One of the world's shittiest bands needs a new bassist. Look at the ridiculous flyer they put out:

* Hard rock/alternative metal look
* Your image MUST be compatible with the band (absolutely no exceptions!)
* Under 35 years of age (no exceptions)
* Athletic build
* Not over 6 feet tall
* Tattoos a plus
* Some vocal ability preferred (screams and harmonies)
* Five-string bass ability a plus (music is mostly played in B)
* Passport a MUST
* Non-smokers preferred
* No alcoholics/drug addicts
* Band is based in Las Vegas. Be willing to relocate or commute

:drooly:
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by SHOOTME »

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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by The Schwartz »

list sound like it was made up by Stefon the city correspondent

http://www.hulu.com/playlist/34845
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by Ogre of Disgust »

"Shitheads need bassist, you must be:
-A shithead"

I'm not seeing the ridiculous part
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by Necrometer »

SHOOTME wrote:* Not over 6 feet tall
this part is cute... if you GIS, every single promo shot they have features the singer doing something zany with respect to the rest of the dudes - either crouching, up in the foreground, standing on a BOX behind everyone else... and it's because he's a fucking midget! at bottom is the only pic of them all standing in a non-sneaky shot
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SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
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way to be a midget, midget
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by necrothrash »

Danzig angles.
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by Dr Yail Bloor »

is that shifty shellshock?
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by copstache »

necrothrash wrote:Danzig angles.
Dangles.
if there's anybody in the world who'd be fucking unobservant enough to actually damage themselves with trap-soap I guess it'd be the guy with dialup in 2007
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by Ogre of Disgust »

Their publicysts bought 'em clothes at Crust Topic on Melrose, hey sixty dollar Seige patches are the price you pay.

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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by From Blintzes to Crepes »

Dr Yail Bloor wrote:is that shifty shellshock?
I thought the same fucking thing.

also, when are white people gonna realize that dreadlocks are fucking stupid on them?

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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by SHOOTME »

Necrometer wrote:Image
What the fuck is that guy on the left wearing? It looks like some kind of chinese outfit that Hot Topic got ahold of and made it as douchey as it could possibly get. What an asshole.
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by SHOOTME »

Necrometer wrote:Image
Is the singer standing on a box in this pic?
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by triple clutcher v2.5b »

nailedrightin wrote:I saw this band in Dallas last year. I only went for the free booze, drugs and food. I don't even remembered what they sound like. I guess that's a good thing.
I hear them occasionally on the radio at work, and they sound exactly like they look.
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by Natas »

SHOOTME wrote:
Necrometer wrote:Image
What the fuck is that guy on the left wearing? It looks like some kind of chinese outfit that Hot Topic got ahold of and made it as douchey as it could possibly get. What an asshole.

I swear when we recently went to one of those Jap places where they cook in front of you, this is exactly what the chefs were fucking wearing
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by takeasneededforpain »

Why does anyone care about Five Faggot Death Hunch?
Eat shit and live...
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by copstache »

give the guy a break, maybe he didn't have time to change out of his work clothes before the photoshoot
if there's anybody in the world who'd be fucking unobservant enough to actually damage themselves with trap-soap I guess it'd be the guy with dialup in 2007
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by triple clutcher v2.5b »

I like how the singer is always turned so his tattoo is in the foreground.
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by riley-o »

no one over 6' as a requirement for joining a band is absolutely fucking hilarious

meanwhile the actual bass playing abilities are listed as a "plus"
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by copstache »

think of all the new pose options he would have if he got the other arm done!

i also like how they're kind of implying that playing a 5-string bass is somehow different than playing a 4-string.
if there's anybody in the world who'd be fucking unobservant enough to actually damage themselves with trap-soap I guess it'd be the guy with dialup in 2007
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by triple clutcher v2.5b »

riley-o wrote:no one over 6' as a requirement for joining a band is absolutely fucking hilarious
a while ago I was putting a band together with a friend of mine, but I'm kind of glad it petered out because I would've been the shortest person in the band by almost a foot.

I also like the idea that their practice space has a big sign next to the door like they have by the kiddie rides at amusement parks -- "For safety reasons, if you are taller than this line you cannot be in Five Finger Death Punch".
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by riley-o »

5' death punch
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by soiled depends »

oh my cankles!!! destroyed by that singers' brutal fist assault!!!
does your employer know that you are a cold hearted animal murderer in addition to being an insatiable pervert?-meatgrease
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by death by snoo snoo »

So you don't even try to honor the legendary SHOOTME's namesake anymore? Just drag his name through the mud by posting threads you're too cowardly to post under your real account?

Get AIDS>
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by Friendly Goatus »

More like Five Wiener Butt Lunch.
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Re: Five Finger Death Punch - new bassist flyer

Post by soiled depends »

five weiner butt lunch? that's so :drool: that it's :moreawesome:
does your employer know that you are a cold hearted animal murderer in addition to being an insatiable pervert?-meatgrease
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