Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[Sgt. Pat O'Phile]

Recently, I've come to know that my coworker appearantly is very happy about the fact that we finally have bottled water available at work because 'plain water just doesn't sit well with him'. (Don't ask, I don't know what the fuck he's trying to say aswell.) Like he's really happy to get a healthier option to soda but still eats out at McDonalds twice a week and for some fucking reason can't even bear regular tap water.

Yeah, that'll help.

[TF@work]

Ever since starting this job, I've read/heard some absolute whoppers, particularly for pro se motions (where someone represents themselves).

For instance, one person being charged with making threats to a gubmint officer claimsthat the gubmint is infecting catholics with viruses, specifically catholics because they are more likely to believe in the devil infecting them. For authority, she cites the MOVIE Devil's Advocate.

Oh goddammit that sounds like the most fun ever; litigious nutjobs are the absolute best

Plug the name "Tira Misu" into Justia sometime; even some of the captions are hilarious

[Zap Rowsdower]

Haha holy shit. I've seen frivolous and vexatious claims, but never this many from one person and so outrageous. I wish I had Justia password to get her trial documents. My West account won't let me either...at least my work one. Should try school.

EDIT: Damn. Nope. Perhaps my clerk can get them off ECF.

[Toilet Fleet]

The Tira Misu thing is a bit of a trope around our office; she tried to retain us for a Social Security claim, and it just got more insane from there

Now unrepesentably batshit clients are latter-day Tira Misus

She's also on Twitter FYI: twitter.com/APLUSKNTIRAMISU

You're very welcome

AS FOR DUMB THING I HEARD AT WORK EVEN THOUGH I'M HOME: in the past 7 days, three (3) senior attorneys have quit; two are going to join the Social Security Administration as senior attorneys, no word on the third guy who quit today, I assume with a similar governmental parachute. The dumb thing I heard is that I'm still working there.

[ratanda]

Email I just got from my manager.

"I’m very sensitive about making any changes to anything in the ABC Module. What type of column does she want to see in the DEF report?"

I'm pretty sure he meant to say "wary" ..assuming he's aware the word exists.

I should buy him a fucking dictionary for his birthday, but more than likely he'd never use it but still proudly display it among his other books as if he did.

[ratanda]

Another email from my manager...

Team,

On our next call, let’s walk through the attached log file (which is great to ensure we’re meeting milestones). James’ request may seem a bit ‘micromanageee’, but this is typically how I manage projects. I will update this log file each day with input from you.

Thanks

'micromanageee’?
Goddamnit, what the fuck.

[Frickin' Slayer]

you're fired!

[featherboa]

I might have posted this already.
The guy that sits across from me got a big box of salmon shipped by fedex to our office and the box was sitting on his desk. He was telling me something about something when the receptionist stepped into the doorway interrupted with some lame story and the office dog ran up to here and Jammed His Nose IHP and she had to try harder than would seem necessary to get him outta there. So she continues her story and the dog runs up to the box of fish and starts nosing around and the guy says damn dog was smelling my fish and the receptionist replies, he was just smelling my fish too. And I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

[Mari_Mar]

[featherboa]

I should have included in the story that she is not attractive.
Today I saw Whale Tale
And her kid was banned from camp or something so he was here all day asking everyone a million questions while they try to work.

[Necrometer]

33-year-old mormon proudly-self-proclaimed geek/gamer father-of-two coworker shared a revalatory (apparently recent?) experience where he realized that with modern art, it's not the what but the how - he still doesn't care for any modern art but he gets HOW other people could... he also said he doesn't care about anything in film/novels/etc other than the core plot - anything else is just filler to him

[Mooretician]

Quit that fucking job man

[Wang Mandu]

On my cover letter and job listing it says "want to teach higher levels than kindergarten."

What's the first job offer I get? A fucking kindergarten job.

[jakebonz@work]

Apparently the little group here does trivia questions. This month, it's guess the movie. There was an argument over what to do next month:

Co-worker 1: Maybe I should pick questions from the bible for the trivia? How about that?

Co-worker 2: Actually, I'd do pretty good at that.

ESL Co-worker: "do pretty well at that"

Co-worker 2: He said "Bible" not "English", OK?

[\m/Johnny\m/]

PIE ROD

[Pastor of Muppets]

"evanescence is my favorite band"

[Geeheeb]

"I'd call that beer a STOUT."

Dude was describing a RYE PALE ALE I gave him, and yes he did pour it in a glass to drink it.

[a world of no]

"evanescence is my favorite band"

"five finger death punch made some pretty brutal music early in their career"

[\m/Johnny\m/]

"evanescence is my favorite band"

"five finger death punch made some pretty brutal music early in their career"

2009?

[a world of no]

"evanescence is my favorite band"

"five finger death punch made some pretty brutal music early in their career"

2009?

i guess? i told same guy that they were never brutal, which prompted the response, "man... give me a break. i'm new to death metal."

[Cascade Whore]

"evanescence is my favorite band"

"five finger death punch made some pretty brutal music early in their career"

2009?

i guess? i told same guy that they were never brutal, which prompted the response, "man... give me a break. i'm new to death metal."

bwahahaha, you should have said something like "yeah, check out the singer's old band motograter, they're true brutal deathmetal"

dumb thing I heard lately: "I've got 530 Gb of music, so if I haven't heard it already I know I wouldn't like it."

[Cascade Whore]

One guy at work had the story up about the US troops pissing on the dead bodies and was saying how fucked up he though it was and showed it to a redneck coworker who said "cool!, where they american bodies?"

Other guy: "no"

redneck: "well then I don't care"

[Frickin' Slayer]

One guy at work had the story up about the US troops pissing on the dead bodies and was saying how fucked up he though it was and showed it to a redneck coworker who said "cool!, where they american bodies?"

Other guy: "no"

redneck: "well then I don't care"

america! f**k ya!

wat sign r the ppl involved? iv found Cancer's to be a very patriotic sign

[tittytugger]

how do you keep up this shtick for so long?

[Frickin' Slayer]

how do you keep up this shtick for so long?

well,mayb bc its not a shtick im the designated Reeelapse astrologer. but i admit i am a fixed sign,and Aquarius' r persistant. Aquarius' dont giv up easily. just look at fellow Aquarius Oprah Winfrey,for example,she wuz on-air like forever! or,Larry King,who's a Scorpio also a fixed sign. jay leno,a Taurus,another fixed sign,refused to quit! same deal with me.