Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[a world of no]

"evanescence is my favorite band"

"five finger death punch made some pretty brutal music early in their career"

2009?

i guess? i told same guy that they were never brutal, which prompted the response, "man... give me a break. i'm new to death metal."

bwahahaha, you should have said something like "yeah, check out the singer's old band motograter, they're true brutal deathmetal"

dumb thing I heard lately: "I've got 530 Gb of music, so if I haven't heard it already I know I wouldn't like it."

this reminds me... last week i was partnered up with this buttnugget during a nightshift. i went in to a place to piss, and upon my return he had 5 finger colon massage blasting out full volume from his phone speaker. he's sitting there nodding his head, grunting like a pig trying to take a shit.

me: "what the fuck?"
him: "hey! you like this band, right? *horns up and meekly headbangs*"
me: "no... we've had this discussion more times than i can count. that shit will make you impotent."
him: "i thought you liked metal."
me: "again, we've had this talk. that's not metal. that's shallow, horrible pop music for retards frustrated over how they boring they are to people capable of rubbing two braincells together. you're better off listening to that shitty country music you like instead."
him: "....but... i thought you like metal?"
me: "you ever ponder over your cosmic insignificance?"
him: "i've never heard of that band. is that metal?"

[Broken Into Pieces]

On my cover letter and job listing it says "want to teach higher levels than kindergarten."

What's the first job offer I get? A fucking kindergarten job.

I've found that second and third year kindie classes are usually much better at English than elementary school classes made up of kids that didn't study English before they started elementary school. Plus, schools with a kindergarten program are more likely to have elementary-school aged classes filled with kids that graduated through that school's kindie program and are therefore better at English than kids who never studied at a pre-school age.

[Syringe in Mouth]

"What the hell are rolled oats?"

[MeatGrease]

this reminds me... last week i was partnered up with this buttnugget during a nightshift. i went in to a place to piss, and upon my return he had 5 finger colon massage blasting out full volume from his phone speaker. he's sitting there nodding his head, grunting like a pig trying to take a shit.

me: "what the fuck?"
him: "hey! you like this band, right? *horns up and meekly headbangs*"
me: "no... we've had this discussion more times than i can count. that shit will make you impotent."
him: "i thought you liked metal."
me: "again, we've had this talk. that's not metal. that's shallow, horrible pop music for retards frustrated over how they boring they are to people capable of rubbing two braincells together. you're better off listening to that shitty country music you like instead."
him: "....but... i thought you like metal?"
me: "you ever ponder over your cosmic insignificance?"
him: "i've never heard of that band. is that metal?"

How it really went:

Saddler: "what is that??"
Guy: " Five Finger Death Punch! This band is awesome!! You like them, right?"
Saddler: "uhhh...yeah they're alright"
Guy: "Mind if I play this while we work?"
Saddler: "uhhhm...well...ok..."

[Friendly Goatus]

[a world of no]

that was hilarious.

[MeatGrease]

that was hilarious.

The truth often is

[a world of no]

hey, just because you got turned on to metal by a bunch of horrible faggot bands doesn't mean the rest of us have any kind of nostalgic attachment as well.

so what kind of funny things do you hear at the squalid shit homes you crash in? what about the library, or when you're being a wallflower at a hondurian party.

[ungodlywarlock]

hey, just because you got turned on to metal by a bunch of horrible faggot bands doesn't mean the rest of us have any kind of nostalgic attachment as well.

so what kind of funny things do you hear at the squalid shit homes you crash in? what about the library, or when you're being a wallflower at a hondurian party.

He's sorta right, though. And this is Meatgrease we are talkin about here, so that's pretty rough for you.
There is no way I believe you said something like -

me: "you ever ponder over your cosmic insignificance?"

..to anyone in real life.
Just sounds like such an internet thing to say.

[a world of no]

would it help you believe me if i said we were talking about life and death prior to my piss? we had just transferred a patient that had been hit by a vehicle to an emergency flight to go have several major organs replaced/repaired, so yeah... my comment came totally out of nowhere and had no significance whatsoever to what was going on that evening.

[Mari_Mar]

It's self-appraisal time around here. I just got one from my employee who is super-geeky and over enthusiastic to the point that he typically makes bumbling mistakes, typos, or comments.

The first thing he did was to fill out and turn in the Goal Setting Worksheet rather than the Performance Appraisal Form, like I asked.

I had to chuckle when I read this assessment he made regarding his Achievement Orientation:

"I am often very through about the quality of the results of my projects."

[soiled depends]

that was hilarious.

christ...how often is this asshole mugged and assaulted? It must happen often. It doesn't seem like a the beatings have worked...yet...

[Introvert]

It's self-appraisal time around here. I just got one from my employee who is super-geeky and over enthusiastic to the point that he typically makes bumbling mistakes, typos, or comments.

The first thing he did was to fill out and turn in the Goal Setting Worksheet rather than the Performance Appraisal Form, like I asked.

I had to chuckle when I read this assessment he made regarding his Achievement Orientation:

"I am often very through about the quality of the results of my projects."

Ugh! I don't know how many applications/resumes I've reviewed over the years that lists 'close attention to detail' as one of their strengths and then they go on to make all sorts of spelling, grammar and formatting errors.

[a world of no]

would it help you believe me if i said we were talking about life and death prior to my piss? we had just transferred a patient that had been hit by a vehicle to an emergency flight to go have several major organs replaced/repaired, so yeah... my comment came totally out of nowhere and had no significance whatsoever to what was going on that evening.

same guy from above at work today:

him: "i really enjoy our talks, man. they really make me think. i mean.. that last one we had, i went home and cried."
me: "shit... hahahaha... really? sorry?"
him: "no, that's not a bad thing. it's good. i guess i just have trouble understanding things sometimes and it's good to hear someone explain stuff."
me: "ok... just so long as you don't fucking cry in front of me. i may get a boner."

[Introvert]

would it help you believe me if i said we were talking about life and death prior to my piss? we had just transferred a patient that had been hit by a vehicle to an emergency flight to go have several major organs replaced/repaired, so yeah... my comment came totally out of nowhere and had no significance whatsoever to what was going on that evening.

same guy from above at work today:

him: "i really enjoy our talks, man. they really make me think. i mean.. that last one we had, i went home and cried."
me: "shit... hahahaha... really? sorry?"
him: "no, that's not a bad thing. it's good. i guess i just have trouble understanding things sometimes and it's good to hear someone explain stuff."
me: "ok... just so long as you don't fucking cry in front of me. i may get a boner."

Jeebus! Is he 15?

[chris narcosis]

THIS ONE I HEARD ON WEDNESDAY SORRY FOR BEING LATE LADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Student: Racism doesn't exist in Japan!'

Me: Oh yeah? Then why did I see at least 4 or 5 people avoid sitting next to a black guy this morning?

Student: ho ho, that's not racism! That's because black people smell.'

IMAGINE THER INTENSITY OF THE LOL WHEN I HEARD THAT SHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT A SET OF FUCKIN DICKNECKS AND WHILE IM AT IT SOS FOR YEILDING TO LOWER CASE BUIT ITS A QUOTE SO THATS GRAVEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[a world of no]

japan racism sets the bar for outright prejudicial racism. to the point that i almost admire the self-aware bigots.

[MeatGrease]

would it help you believe me if i said we were talking about life and death prior to my piss? we had just transferred a patient that had been hit by a vehicle to an emergency flight to go have several major organs replaced/repaired, so yeah... my comment came totally out of nowhere and had no significance whatsoever to what was going on that evening.

same guy from above at work today:

him: "i really enjoy our talks, man. they really make me think. i mean.. that last one we had, i went home and cried."
me: "shit... hahahaha... really? sorry?"
him: "no, that's not a bad thing. it's good. i guess i just have trouble understanding things sometimes and it's good to hear someone explain stuff."
me: "ok... just so long as you don't fucking cry in front of me. i may get a boner."

Jeebus! Is he 15?

I think saddler is in his early 40s believe it or not...

[a world of no]

I think saddler is in his early 40s believe it or not...

introvert and i know one another, so probably "or not". beyond that... nothing, and i mean nothing you've assumed about me has ever been even close to the mark. by all means though, keep it up. my extraocular muscles need the exercise.

[danox3]

Not really heard, but filling in for a co-worker at NAMM, I quoted out a snake system for

Huey Lewis & the News

For the life of me I can't believe 1. They are still active and 2. there is a demand to see them perform.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

Not really heard, but filling in for a co-worker at NAMM, I quoted out a snake system for

Huey Lewis & the News

For the life of me I can't believe 1. They are still active and 2. there is a demand to see them perform.

I heard them live on the radio a few months ago, heuy's voice still sounded pretty good.

[From Blintzes to Crepes]

I'd like to think that American Psycho played a part in their resurgence.

[riley-o]

One of my coworkers didn't file taxes for like five years, and just sent them all in with some INSANE total amount owed to her, and the government sent her a letter saying they're withholding the amount until she proves she was in the country and working where she said, etc... she's currently going on and on about how unfair it is and how the government needs to just give her her money... i'm no fan of the government or bureaucracy but if you don't send in your taxes for FIVE FUCKING YEARS and then you want to complain about how you're getting jewed when you knew full well the rules ?

[Wehttam]

haha, I worked with someone that did the same thing. that's a hell of a long time to not file your taxes. felt the same way about it. they complained too

[featherboa]

When you have a chance, can you check and see why my last name does not have a space in it on Google calendar via internet?

WHO CARES