Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[Cascade Whore]

Oh fuck, entitled consumers

A few choice instances come to mind...

There was a guy looking to buy some cheap paper folders, for about 0.39 each. Said folders where not available in just black. I showed the guy a package of folders in an adjacent isle about 10 feet away where a pack of 10 black folders could be purchased for outrageously high price of $3.49....customer proceeded to flip out because you couldn't buy just 1 black folder and was throwing his hands up over his head because I made him walk "ALL THE WAY OVER HERE!!!!!"


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There was only one pack left of these over sized 11X17 envelopes and a customer calls me over with a disgusted look on his face

Customer: "I want to buy these envelopes but, (makes disgusted noise with his throat) I don't know about his box"

I informed customer this was in fact the only package in the store as we had done a restocking earlier in the day.

Customer "well how do I know they are all there!!??"

Me "well we just have to count them"

he looks at me like I asked him if I could take a shit in his mother's pussy and throws them on the ground saying "for-GET it!!" and storms away....keep in mind this is a process of counting all the way to the number 25

He then showed up about 10 minutes later when I was working on something else and made some comment about having bad customer service I asked him again if I he wanted me to count them and he said "I already said forget it!!!"


When ever people complained about opening packages of shit I wanted to say it's because of the other worthless pieces of human shit like themselves who need to taste touch smell and finger fuck everything before they buy it.

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some guy in his 80's who got pissed because we wouldn't give him cash back for returning a pack of envelopes (again with the envelopes) and we would only give him a gift card with no receipt....he pounded the package on the counter like a gavel yelling loudly to shove it up my ass.......later the manager told me he might have made an exception if the guy hadn't have been such an asshole

[Zap Rowsdower]

A few jews in the elevator this morning: "I don't see why we don't get time off for Easter when everyone else gets off for our holidays..."

You do get it off, it's called Sunday.

[Necrophilic Mallard]

A few jews in the elevator this morning: "I don't see why we don't get time off for Easter when everyone else gets off for our holidays..."

You do get it off, it's called Sunday.

not to mention...nobody gets jew days off; even jews typically have to take vacation.

[takeasneededforpain]

This just in from male co-worker: "Having cats is cool and all, but we decided to make something really cool - let's make a baby!" I just stared at him and said, "You poor man." I then turned away and put my earbuds back in.

"Honey? Let's take cats...to the next fucking level!" [chugs a mountain dew and rapes wife]

You may be the greatest poster Reeeelapse has ever known, Geoff.

[\m/Johnny\m/]

Black delivery driver on cell phone:

"What's that sound, dawg? Man... you chewin' the mess out that gum!"

[a world of no]

racist...

[hipster holocaust]

A medical student started a cover band. He wants to play next week. He told me he'll need a hall that holds "at least 700 people" for the "gig". He knows the his bandmates and him can move at least 100 tickets just to their family and friends and of course the entire medical school will be there, and then there will probably be a "buzz" thanks to his facebook postings so 700 is pretty conservative. He really doesn't want anyone to be left out in the cold, he doesn't want to "fail because of too much success, you know?"

God dammit. This actually pissed me off.

Yeah-- it just kind of goes along with the attitude I see far too often 'round these parts: "I'm in MEDICAL school, of course I'll succeed amazingly at anything I attempt."

GOD. Welcome to the last band I was in. Substitute medical school with "NYU." I was fired after it was found out that I was in another band and I didn't dedicate myself to their (his) band entirely.

Still milking the disillusion after 2 1/2 years, greasing the palms of promoters and playing all the hot spots that his idols played before they sold out Madison Square Garden.

Yeah man, we're gonna make it. We're gonna do it too. I just...know it...

Sad.

[Degree Absolute]

A few jews in the elevator this morning: "I don't see why we don't get time off for Easter when everyone else gets off for our holidays..."

You do get it off, it's called Sunday.

Where the hell do you live or work that everyone gets jew holidays off?

[Jesus H Dump]

"What do you mean the rental cars aren't free?" I want to cave people's heads in when I hear this shit!

[Jesus H Dump]

Word of advice, if you have insurance make sure to check your policy. If you have a good insurance company rental coverage shouldn't cost you more than $25 every six months to have on your policy. If it does, find a new insurance company.

[chris narcosis]

T'OTHER DAY I HEARD THIS SHITE FROM A PROUD DICKNECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'So, tell me of these four pictures who is the bad guy and why.'

'Picture 3'

'Okay, why picture 3?'

'Because....... He's black.'

IMAGINE MY MIRTH I HAD A HEARTY FUCKIN LOL BUT I RECKON I WAS THE ONLY LOLLER THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[From Blintzes to Crepes]

A few jews in the elevator this morning: "I don't see why we don't get time off for Easter when everyone else gets off for our holidays..."

You do get it off, it's called Sunday.

Where the hell do you live or work that everyone gets jew holidays off?

New York City.

[hipster holocaust]

you guys never had Jew holidays off in school?

[From Blintzes to Crepes]

I remember a kid in my 4th grade class named Aaron who was a Jehovah's Witness. When it came time for Christmas, he went to the library instead of being a part of Christmas activities.

[badgevvrecker]

we still had bible class in mississippi when i was in early gradeschool. the one jewish kid would go sit in the hall 3 times a week in the lockout desk during the 45 minutes that they taught it. I had to go to the principles office for bringing up the constitution in 5th grade about the matter, since said jewish kid was my friend and felt excluded. they told me to stop making trouble.

i haven't thought about that in a long, long time.

[hipster holocaust]

you guys never had Jew holidays off in school?

nope. Jews could take 'em off, but we didn't just get them off.

Going to school in NY suddenly became cool

[From Blintzes to Crepes]

we still had bible class in mississippi when i was in early gradeschool. the one jewish kid would go sit in the hall 3 times a week in the lockout desk during the 45 minutes that they taught it. I had to go to the principles office for bringing up the constitution in 5th grade about the matter, since said jewish kid was my friend and felt excluded. they told me to stop making trouble.

i haven't thought about that in a long, long time.

Southern Attitude: You aren't Protestant? FUCK YOU.

[Maery]

"Excuse me? Can you tell me where the double sided velcro is?"

Ummmm...

[Maery]

*Me, standing INSIDE the paint pit, MIXING PAINT*

"Excuse me? Do you work in Plumbing?"

Really, dude?

[Maery]

When we were teens my brother and I went into Sears and told them we were making a fence but we cut some of the boards too short so we needed one of those wood stretchers so we could make the boards the right length. The poor young dude working there... we almost had him going for a while.

The strangest thing about customers at THD, is that most will come in with an "idea" of what they want. Like, they have something that they need to fix, or build, and they'll create this imaginary "thing" in their minds, that can get the job done. Now, this "thing" that they want, won't actually exist... BUT! Because they've convinced themselves that it just has to be real, they'll get mad and argue with you 'til DEATH that it's real and that they've "bought it here before".

I absolutely fucking LOVE that line...

"I've seen it before."

Oh yeah? You have?

SHOW ME.

[Zap Rowsdower]

you guys never had Jew holidays off in school?

nope. Jews could take 'em off, but we didn't just get them off.

That's how it was in the midwest; at least, in college. I went to catholic school for 13 years before that, not too many jews there.

At a law school, when 50%+ of the students are going to be absent anyway might as well cancel classes.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

Me : Is he struggling desperately for ever breath
Them : Hang on i'll ask him...

[Geeheeb]

Not work but school:

http://kitchel.net/pics/audio25.mp3

this is part of an audio lecture, skip to 3:04 in...

NO RESOLUTION TO THE MYSTERY, AND SHE FUCKING ANSWERS A TEXT MESSAGE AND DIDN'T EDIT THAT OUT. (This is from an mp3 extracted from a powerpoint for an online pharmacology class).

[Chad]

...

[Cascade Whore]

Once a local anchor woman came into a store I worked at and wanted to know what would be a good thing to be able to stick a piece of paper against another piece of paper. I told her to get some double sided tape......SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT DOUBLE SIDED TAPE WAS.............I showed her how the double sided tape worked.......she seemed to genuinely never seen such an invention in action before...............

Just to recap......the local ANCHOR WOMAN Didn't know what DOUBLE SIDED TAPE WAS........She ended up using rubber cement instead.