Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

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godofdeadlydeath
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hipster holocaust wrote:Plush by Stone Temple Pilots just came on the radio and someone is singing along to it and playing air drums.
That's not that dumb.
Stabbed in the eyes with a fucking caak...

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Geeheeb
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you could do smoething about about rather than post on a messageboard.
FVBTVS wrote:
Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:04 pm
from enslavement to obliteration is older than abbey road
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hipster holocaust
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Do what?
MeatGrease wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:38 am
The full break down of everything I believe will appear in my upcoming book.
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Geeheeb
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steal their shoes, throw them on the roof, blast some fucken slayer, kill everyone, smoke crack.

duh.

does your mom still pick our your clothes too?
FVBTVS wrote:
Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:04 pm
from enslavement to obliteration is older than abbey road
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Geeheeb
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okay spock
FVBTVS wrote:
Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:04 pm
from enslavement to obliteration is older than abbey road
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Geeheeb
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true, and right there on the fucking bridge.
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
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SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
heh, fucking bridge. bridge for fucking.
FVBTVS wrote:
Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:04 pm
from enslavement to obliteration is older than abbey road
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hipster holocaust
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Geeheeb wrote:steal their shoes, throw them on the roof, blast some fucken slayer, kill everyone, smoke crack.

duh.

does your mom still pick our your clothes too?
He has a ponytail, earing, goatee, and sport jacket, and sells high end wine. Dude's got it going on.
MeatGrease wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:38 am
The full break down of everything I believe will appear in my upcoming book.
Pistol Whip
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Necrophilic Mallard wrote:20 minutes is also completely unacceptable, you incompetent fuck

No it isn't at least by industry standards. It's a little extended but not out of the ordinary unless you are dealing with an obnoxious asshole who thinks the everything can be corrected instantaneously.
featherboa
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that 's some awesome assassin level shitty photography
let's overturn these tables disconnect these cables
This place don't make sense to me no more
copstache wrote: i cut my hand at work and just let it drip on my desk during a conference call
FVBTVS wrote:probably some punk broth
dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs
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chris narcosis
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DIKNEK STUDENT WI NO IDEA ABOUT ANY SHITE COMES HOBBLIN IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I READS A QUESTION ABOUT SOME KUNT OVER HERE GETTIN LIFTED FOR SHOPLIFTIN AND ASK WHAT WOULD HE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAFT BUGGER TELLS ME 'OH ID GO AND SPEAK TO THE FOREIGN MAN COS HE PROBS CANT SPEAK ANY JAPANESE!!!'!!!!!!!

THING IS NO KUNT MENTIONED IT BEIN A HONKEY BUT THAT DAFT SPACK AUTO DECIDED IT WAS THE WHITE DEVIL OF COURSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :drooly: :o !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'JAPANESE PEOPLE ARE VERY POLITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
BEN GLENTON
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chris narcosis wrote:DIKNEK STUDENT WI NO IDEA ABOUT ANY SHITE COMES HOBBLIN IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I READS A QUESTION ABOUT SOME KUNT OVER HERE GETTIN LIFTED FOR SHOPLIFTIN AND ASK WHAT WOULD HE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAFT BUGGER TELLS ME 'OH ID GO AND SPEAK TO THE FOREIGN MAN COS HE PROBS CANT SPEAK ANY JAPANESE!!!'!!!!!!!

THING IS NO KUNT MENTIONED IT BEIN A HONKEY BUT THAT DAFT SPACK AUTO DECIDED IT WAS THE WHITE DEVIL OF COURSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :drooly: :o !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'JAPANESE PEOPLE ARE VERY POLITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
POETRY
featherboa
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tale of the business card scanner

There was a business card scanner on the receptionist's desk. The receptionist was fired, but the scanner stayed. The Operations Manager used the receptionist's old computer to scan business cards. Then one day that computer had to be moved to the server closet. Yes, that computer is also running an always on, fairly important day-to-day operations application. Operations manager refuses to let me install the business card scanner on her computer. She wants it to still be connected to the old computer, the one now in the server closet. OK. I plugged it in. There's no mouse, keyboard, or monitor connected to it. She came to me the next day and said, I wanted to scan some business cards, but the screen said "Open Solaris NAS" or something like that.

I asked her to buy me a new HD because one of the HDs in the NAS is faulted, but I think she might be waiting until she can scan business cards before she places the order.

I had a replacement drive already, but it didn't work. Here's a dumb think you heard on the board: some guy built a NAS with WD15EARS drives.
let's overturn these tables disconnect these cables
This place don't make sense to me no more
copstache wrote: i cut my hand at work and just let it drip on my desk during a conference call
FVBTVS wrote:probably some punk broth
dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs
Zap Rowsdower
COOTIES
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featherboa wrote:tale of the business card scanner

There was a business card scanner on the receptionist's desk. The receptionist was fired, but the scanner stayed. The Operations Manager used the receptionist's old computer to scan business cards. Then one day that computer had to be moved to the server closet. Yes, that computer is also running an always on, fairly important day-to-day operations application. Operations manager refuses to let me install the business card scanner on her computer. She wants it to still be connected to the old computer, the one now in the server closet. OK. I plugged it in. There's no mouse, keyboard, or monitor connected to it. She came to me the next day and said, I wanted to scan some business cards, but the screen said "Open Solaris NAS" or something like that.

I asked her to buy me a new HD because one of the HDs in the NAS is faulted, but I think she might be waiting until she can scan business cards before she places the order.

I had a replacement drive already, but it didn't work. Here's a dumb think you heard on the board: some guy built a NAS with WD15EARS drives.
Wut?
Last edited by Zap Rowsdower on Thu Mar 21, 2013 3:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ghost boner wrote:our cousins should fuck
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\m/Johnny\m/
(ó ì_í)=óò=(ì_í ò)
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I think it's some kind of boat.
elephants gerald wrote:
- GLENN DANZIG "literally a rotating cast of gigantic wigged infants," claims former tour manager
Zap Rowsdower
COOTIES
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Ah!
ghost boner wrote:our cousins should fuck
a world of no
Olde Timer
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"when you get cum in your eye you can see the sperm squiggling around in your field of vision. takes a while for it to go away. it's pretty neat. you should try it."
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Friendly Goatus
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I dont know... it might be legit. on a really nice day with a deep blue sky, if you look up and just stare you can see the microscopic floaties floating around in your eyeball juices. looks like ghostly translucent squiggles. might happen with sperm. we need to ross to test this out for science
a world of no
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the girl saying this is far from stupid, and she seemed serious. i intend to investigate further tomorrow.
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\m/Johnny\m/
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are you going to smear jizz in your eye, streven?
elephants gerald wrote:
- GLENN DANZIG "literally a rotating cast of gigantic wigged infants," claims former tour manager
a world of no
Olde Timer
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she told me i should when i called her a fucking lying whore. i didn't like the whore way she said it to me. it made my penis do stuff.
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Maery
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Overheard a 30 something year old guy talking to an 18yr old co-worker...

30something:Are you a natural redhead?
Girl: No.
30something: Awww, too bad. Redheads fuck the best.

:fp:
Pisscubes wrote:MY STRAIGHTNESS WILL DIE FOR YOUR SINS.
Rosary_Butt_Beads wrote:I am the truth. I am victory.
featherboa
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i showed this to my old buddy doad and he encouraged me to post it

so in my timesheet app, my last week's hours were REJECTED. i didn't even know that was a thing until now. here's the note that was on every entry on my sheet.
Travis, please list number of ACTUAL hours worked (including lunch time deductions) each day. Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks,-amy
i tried my best to channel our lord and saviour mr. budd in my email response
Hi Amy,

You mentioned something about my timecard the other day. I just noticed it now in BigTime as I was looking at submitting this week's.

Bigtime is where I keep my records of my hours. If I were to re-do last week's, it would only become less accurate.

Because you didn't discuss this with me at all, I can only assume from the notes in Bigtime ("please list number of ACTUAL hours worked (including lunch time deductions)") that you are accusing me of working less hours than I entered because I have been taking lunch out of the office lately. I actually spent quite a bit of time last week afterhours getting up to speed on Q-sys and Lua.

As much as I wish it were otherwise I am the person who can best fill in my timesheet. If you think you know what I am spending my time and attention on better, you're welcome to do the sheet for me (it would free up more engineering time for me), but I don't see how that is possible.

Otherwise please don't send me notes like this which break my focus and cause me unnecessary extra work during my limited engineering time.

have a good weekend,
sincerely
--featherboa
let's overturn these tables disconnect these cables
This place don't make sense to me no more
copstache wrote: i cut my hand at work and just let it drip on my desk during a conference call
FVBTVS wrote:probably some punk broth
dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs
a world of no
Olde Timer
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if you don't follow up with whatever follow up you receive from that colossal load of bullshit you're so getting foed for life. you simply must provide some form of substantial closure for shit that heavy, otherwise you're a complete fucking faggot douche.
a world of no
Olde Timer
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you misunderstand. i'm calling the act of accusation contained within the message bullshit. i want the reply to the reply, goddammit. this will not stand.
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Raw Ting
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He clearly wants à conclusion to this, ya fuckin prick.
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