The Bill's Now Playing Video Game Thread (Now with Bames)

[The Bill]

Borderlands 2 The Bill Version: Gun Porn or How it Feels to Be God . I thought I'd just bump up my level to a degree using a trainer. "NO" says the trainer. You'll be lifted to the 1990's EXTREME!!! Level fucking 62 or some shit. Whatever, I thought. So I boosted the special abilities and what have you, then I noticed my health. Christ and Sargent Slaughter help us all. Maybe the game gets harder at the end, but I'd have to be a complete asshole to die anytime soon. My hit points are the population of France or some such destination. Man, what to do? Well, I decided to be like Thanos in the Infinity Gauntlet, where he dims his God powers a micro-percent just to give the Marvel Heroes the smallest of minuscule chances at defeating him. And so, I've decided to only use the worst shield I can find. Thereby giving these slap-nuts the worst odds in history of me getting snuffed in a First Person Shooter. What was very cool was being able to pick up and use any gun I found, because obviously levels don't mean a goddamn thing. On top of that, the elemental bonuses of my maxed Siren mean all the guns are overpowered, so I just switch to whatever I find on the floor. The constant gun switching is what makes this pretty entertaining.

Graphically the game is really damn nice on the PC. I then threw on a SweetFX thing, and now it looks even better. I've always found the cell shading to be boring, but the SweetFX really takes charge with this game, and vastly improves everything from detail to shiny things. Of course, none of this changes the comedy. Whomever decided that this Claptrap is a good thing is a complete homo douche bag, and he and anyone that finds this funny just needs to never be in my presence.

This is all frivolous though, and I need to get Mad Max-ing with Mad Max.

[The Bill]

Despite the redundancy, I'm just loving Mad Max. That said, I need a damn break from these sandbox games. Metal Gear 5 is sandbox, yes. Yeah, I need a break. Something stupid like a COD. I never played Ghosts or BLOPS 2.

[spacehamster]

So I had to order some MTB suspension fluid from Amazon and the price of The Order 1884 has come down almost all the way to the toilet, so I bought the game. I just couldn't resist - a story about ancient secret societies and werewolves in a steampunk setting with Tesla weapons is just too far up my alley for me to not at least check it out.

So far the game is exactly as shitty as the reviews said. I'm 45 minutes in, and so far I've played a glorified interactive cutscene (that was an incomprehensible and essentially plotless flash forward that accomplished nothing), a long sequence of walking down hallways and looking at objects that did nothing, followed by some last-gen-as-fuck cover shooting that handles like wading through liquid shit.

On the plus side, if you can ignore the black bars and the frame rate, it's a very pretty game. The lighting is awesome, and I certainly am getting a kick out of the art direction. I think I might actually hate-play this to the end.

[The Bill]

The Order is $35.77 as of today on Amazon. I'm going to need that to come down a lot lower before I get it. I'm also noticing that I've pretty much dissed and ditched the consoles outside of their exclusives so I doubt I'll be renewing my Playstation Plus next year. If the Order is coming to Plus I hope it's by April, or Amazon wins.

Italian beer and Mad Max are on deck for this evening's festivities. If (if?... HAHAHA) I get drunk then I might bum rush the hell out of Borderlands 2. I don't care if I don't do a single side mission, I just want to beat it out of some form of honor and spite that Riley doesn't understand.

[spacehamster]

It's 27$ on Amazon UK, which I agree is still too much, but that's the purchase I made this week because cuz.

Also, I already posted this half an hour ago and the board ate it. ZOG.

[Rev. Christberg]

Yeah, The Order is unbelievably gorgeous when it slows down for boring as shit cutscenes. The actual game is a fucking mess though. I was pissed that I bought that damn thing at full price, fortunately I got a lot of it back on a trade in.

[FVBTVS]

omfgggggg the rainbow beta

[spacehamster]

The actual game is a fucking mess though.

It's like they figured the best way to make a "next gen" game was to take everything that was shitty about the last generation and cram it all into one game. Boring protagonist with gravely voice? Check. Dialogue consisting entirely of clichés? Check. QTEs out of nowhere? Check. Introducing and abandoning new game mechanics at ten minute intervals? Check. Linear cover shooting as the core gameplay element? Check. Obvious incomplete sections from earlier versions of the game that are still in it for no reason? Check.

All I'm waiting for is a tacked-on online component and "RPG elements" like an upgrade system that does nothing. I'm sure I'll get one of those the next time I have to stand in Tesla's workshop and turn an object in my hand until the button prompt finally appears.

[Rev. Christberg]

The shitty RPG elements are right around the corner. I believe that's what got me to stop playing the game for good. Online is a no, I believe. Which shocks me - you'd figure it'd have to have some sort of shit-tacular Uncharted-esque tacked on piece of trash but it doesn't. The main protagonist could use to be bald and have some more muscles, too. Then it'd be perfect. I mean, it's already got the perfect amount of brown smeared all over everything so as to make the game space completely illegible, right?

It's like they spent all their time thinking about how to make pretty graphics and how to fill in a bunch of check boxes and 0 time going "how do we make this high tech game of whack a mole feel exciting?"

[FVBTVS]

alien isolation : yay or nay

[spacehamster]

The shitty RPG elements are right around the corner.

Oh, good. I also forgot to mention I'm still waiting for the poorly implemented stealth section, which, sure enough, I found today.

It really makes me a bit sad for Ready at Dawn that this game is so bad - I really liked their PSP God of War games. I'm guessing what happened here is based on the success of those, Sony decided to have them develop one of their launch IPs, but because they had a lot riding on the game, there was too much interference from suits with stupid ideas. And now whatever good game this might have been is buried under a pile of bad cover shooting and QTEs, and they're probably going to shut down the studio because it produced a massive commercial failure.

Bamez.

[copstache]

alien isolation : yay or nay

I literally finished today and as far as I'm concerned, fuck that game

the art is so good and the whole vibe is incredible, but it isn't fun to play at all. the alien encounters are more annoying than tense, it's surprisingly buggy, the second half of the game is super lame, etc

[Spooky Apparition]

got super pissed at Phantom Pain's pointless grinding sidequests.... decided to quit playing and looked up the ending... had a good laugh and felt so fucking glad that I bailed on the game. traded it in, got Until Dawn, and feel pretty damn good about my decision.

I'd like to know who thought combining the tedium of dozens of similar sidequests with stealth gameplay (and next to zero compelling writing to give you incentive to play those sidequests) was a good idea.

[spacehamster]

I'm somehow still playing The Order 1886. The story does just enough to make me want to see what happens next, and... well, it's just really, really pretty.

[FVBTVS]

rainbow betaaaaaa

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

when it woooooorks

[Rev. Christberg]

Just finished Walking Dead Season 2. It's pretty good but I liked the first season better

[spacehamster]

So I actually finished The Order 1886. I dunno, 6/10. The actual game is really just an occasionally amusing cover shooter with way too many cutscenes and QTEs interrupting what little action there is, plus a few stealth scenes that are hilariously easy because the stealth mechanics are so rudimentary that they had to make the levels piss-easy to accommodate. Right towards the end the game tries to be a bit more interesting with more open levels and enemies that will actually flank and rush you, but that's like the last 15 minutes, and then the final boss fight is basically a glorified QTE.

But the story, once it picks up, is actually not half bad - some of the characters actually have believably conflicted motivations that the writers only hint at instead of over-explaining them, the voice acting is top-notch, and the visuals never stop being beautiful. I dunno, I think after all the different stuff I've played lately, I was just sort of ready for a straight-up, linear story game with lots of eye candy, so I somehow made it through this despite the fact that it does everything everyone hated about the last generation of games, to a comical degree.

I really think this could've been a cool new IP, but there was too much riding on it because it was a launch title, so it got totally assfucked.

[spacehamster]

By the way, Rev. C - what were these RPG elements you meant? I didn't come across anything like that.

[Rev. Christberg]

Basically there's this section in Tesla's laboratory where you have to play a shitty minigame about blowing out control devices that had a shit control explanation. He's all "I'll upgrade this shit later" - and I basically lost any interest shortly after that.

[spacehamster]

Basically there's this section in Tesla's laboratory where you have to play a shitty minigame about blowing out control devices that had a shit control explanation. He's all "I'll upgrade this shit later" - and I basically lost any interest shortly after that.

Oh, okay. Yeah, there's never any upgrade to that or the weapons or anything else. That device just becomes a minigame you have to play a few times (along with the lock-picking introduced earlier) to advance one of the walk-and-do-nothing sequences. I thought you might have been talking about the ridiculous "puzzles" that basically consist of walking around a room and hitting all the interaction prompts until they trigger a cutscene.

Anyway, about an hour past the point in Tesla's workshop was where the story finally picked up for me and I was curious enough to see how it would all turn out, and I actually did think the ending was pretty satisfying. I'm not saying anyone should play this game - you really shouldn't - but it's not complete garbage, just mostly.

[The Bill]

There were a lot of excellent sales these last few weeks on Steam. I've stocked up on a decent amount of titles I wanted to try but also didn't want to pay full price on. So, games like Elite: Dangerous, Pillars of Eternity, Dying Light, like three COD games I never played... and so on. Haven't tried a single one, because every time I think I'm approaching Mad Max's end game they make be do 50 more side missions. Normally this would drive me to quit drinking, but I just really do like the game so much that it doesn't sour my grapes. Also, I want to thank them for having me fight a chick with face paint in the Thunderdome, a triple fetish score on The Bill's scrambled scrabble soul.

The mind must wander towards the future, though. I need to shoot stuff and I need to not wander around a sandbox. That COD Ghosts game is a stand alone, right? I don't need to review or remember any other COD game so that... the story... makes... .. ..sense. Holy Shit! Am I actually concerned about experiencing a cohesive narrative in a Call of Duty game.

Until next time, dudes. Keep on warrior-ing on the road

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

[Rev. Christberg]

Picked up Until Dawn yesterday, seems like a solid game so far for horror movie nerds so far. Will let you guys think what I know when I get further in.

[Spooky Apparition]

Until Dawn is more entertaining than MGS5, and it has better writing.

not that the writing is that great, but at least it has writing and not pure exposition.

[canon.docre]

I played so much pillars of eternity this weekend i threw my back out. zero beers. zero shows.

[electronichamz]

Anyone getting Sword Coast Legends? I can't decide between that or Pillars of Eternity. I could do both but then I am sure I'll barely play either