Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[thürstön.3®®0®]

Ha! I know who you're talking about. Drummer. He used to be in a band with my pal Eden. We hung out a few times and argued about black metal. But yeah, I know the Black Blood Guys. Well, mostly the vocalist.

Yeah Jamie, he's a good guy! Ah the joys of skype ha ha

small world indeed. played with those guys a few months back in little rock and watched their merch table for a little bit. talked to the english drummer, nice guy. the vocalist was tripping on mushrooms and running around the top floor of Downtown Music, apparently they had snuck inside.

anyway, those guys were motherfucking RIPPING live, would watch again. i've got their demo around here somewhere, been meaning to rip it an upload.

[Black Jacques]

Her: I'm paintimg my house right now and it is *such* a hassle!

Me: Oh man I know all about that - the worst part is taping everything.

Her: Oh I'm not doing it myself, I hired a painter.

[TheDrunkTankJudge]

It's 2:15 am I'm wiping down the bar while a few scragglers are finishing off their last of their drinks (2 am last call) and I over hear a girl talking to this guy sitting at the end of the bar.
Her: So yeah I was thinking about having my self committed, ya know just so I'd know what it feels like.
Him: Wow yeah, that's kind of cool...

I need to quit this fucking job...

[ratanda]

A co-worker just called me from California. While in a Fed Ex store.

He needed to know how to fill out a Fed Ex slip.

And he was surrounded by employees of Fed Ex.

"Sooo... under where it says 'Sender'? What do I put there."

"Your name."

"And 'recipient'?"

"That would be the person it's going to."

"It's one of those cardboard envelopes. So.. do I send that... what? Freight?"

"No. You send that that as 'Fed Ex Envelope'. You may want to check with the employees of the Fed Ex store. I'll bet they might know or know someone who knows."

Wow. Was he sending work-related stuff? Like asking if he should put the office address as sender? Or am I giving him too much credit?

[death by snoo snoo]

Where can I find Rome and Juliet?

In Language Arts right over there

Yeah, but who's the author?

[riley-o]

I'm listening to Pet Sounds and one of the girls who works here came in and went "ugh, the beach boys ?" with much disdain. i said, "yeah... ?" and she goes, "god this is like, a 60s version of nickelback." and i fucking started compulsively drawing jofamoticons all over everything in sight

[EEEOOOEEEOOOEEEOOO]

Where can I find Rome and Juliet?

In Language Arts right over there

Yeah, but who's the author?

"Where can I find Marx? I didn't see anything in Philosophy or Political Science."

"What's the first name of the author?"

" "

[neckbeard]

^^Particularly disturbing because bookstores are staffed by MFAs who can't get jobs...

[death by snoo snoo]

Where can I find Rome and Juliet?

In Language Arts right over there

Yeah, but who's the author?

"Where can I find Marx? I didn't see anything in Philosophy or Political Science."

"What's the first name of the author?"

" "

If it were my bookstore I would have just shown you the door..

[Broken Into Pieces]

One of my colleagues asked her advanced first-grade class, "Which is heavier? Five pounds of gold or five pounds of cotton?" Perhaps unsurprisingly for a bunch of seven-year-olds, they all got it wrong. So she asked a couple of our other colleagues afterwards... one did the same as the kids and insisted it had to be the gold, and the other refused to answer because she was scared of maybe getting it wrong.

[Hell-haine]

My manager, sitting at her computer:
"Helene! Helene! Come and look at this, I need to show you something!!!"
"Hmmm Yes?"
"Look look, you need to see this, look, with my cursor I am highlighting this sentence OK?"
"Mmmm'K"
"Then I right-click and select COPY..."
"All right"
"Then I open a new document and select PASTE" (Big smile on her face)
"Yes... I see. OK and?"
"There! We can copy and paste something!!!!!!!!!!!! What a gain of time right???!!! Haha that's great!"
Looks at me and wonders why I have this look on my face.

[the motherfucking d-i-e]

last week i was working with my least favorite sales associate, whose favorite bands are green day and my chemical romance, who hadn't heard rancid until a month ago, who claims to be "punk" and now compares all old school punk bands she hears to OP IV, and i got stoked when i heard iron maiden for the second time in a few hours (our mp3 player is very random and some days you hear a lot of good stuff or none at all) and she goes "all these iron maiden songs sound exactly the same." she almost lost an eye.

[Idget Child]

One of my colleagues asked her advanced first-grade class, "Which is heavier? Five pounds of gold or five pounds of cotton?" Perhaps unsurprisingly for a bunch of seven-year-olds, they all got it wrong. So she asked a couple of our other colleagues afterwards... one did the same as the kids and insisted it had to be the gold, and the other refused to answer because she was scared of maybe getting it wrong.

It could have been complicated if only the troy weight system was still used. That would have taught those first grade fucks a lesson.

[pleasuretokill]

My manager, sitting at her computer:
"Helene! Helene! Come and look at this, I need to show you something!!!"
"Hmmm Yes?"
"Look look, you need to see this, look, with my cursor I am highlighting this sentence OK?"
"Mmmm'K"
"Then I right-click and select COPY..."
"All right"
"Then I open a new document and select PASTE" (Big smile on her face)
"Yes... I see. OK and?"
"There! We can copy and paste something!!!!!!!!!!!! What a gain of time right???!!! Haha that's great!"
Looks at me and wonders why I have this look on my face.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is your manager??

[ibn Horowitz]

if we come from monkeys why are there still monkeys

[Hell-haine]

My manager, sitting at her computer:
"Helene! Helene! Come and look at this, I need to show you something!!!"
"Hmmm Yes?"
"Look look, you need to see this, look, with my cursor I am highlighting this sentence OK?"
"Mmmm'K"
"Then I right-click and select COPY..."
"All right"
"Then I open a new document and select PASTE" (Big smile on her face)
"Yes... I see. OK and?"
"There! We can copy and paste something!!!!!!!!!!!! What a gain of time right???!!! Haha that's great!"
Looks at me and wonders why I have this look on my face.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is your manager??

... I know
To her defense she is a working machine, strong woman who works 60 hours a week and can do entire floor moves with a little finger.
But, yeah, I died a little on the inside after this anecdote.

[Wehttam]

My manager, sitting at her computer:
"Helene! Helene! Come and look at this, I need to show you something!!!"
"Hmmm Yes?"
"Look look, you need to see this, look, with my cursor I am highlighting this sentence OK?"
"Mmmm'K"
"Then I right-click and select COPY..."
"All right"
"Then I open a new document and select PASTE" (Big smile on her face)
"Yes... I see. OK and?"
"There! We can copy and paste something!!!!!!!!!!!! What a gain of time right???!!! Haha that's great!"
Looks at me and wonders why I have this look on my face.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is your manager??

... I know
To her defense she is a working machine, strong woman who works 60 hours a week and can do entire floor moves with a little finger.
But, yeah, I died a little on the inside after this anecdote.

I work with a person that is an administrative rep(basically, a glamourized secretary), and she just discovered this too. Although, I had to show her. For years she just re-typed everything, and she is extremely slow at doing her job. I have no idea how she became an administrative rep. I ask my boss this on a daily basis, but he responds........."the union protects her", and proceeds to he roll his eyes. That's some serious deadwood, plus she has taken all the microsoft courses.

[Hell-haine]

"Glad" to see I'm not the only one... sigh

[Geeheeb]

last week i was working with my least favorite sales associate, whose favorite bands are green day and my chemical romance, who hadn't heard rancid until a month ago, who claims to be "punk" and now compares all old school punk bands she hears to OP IV, and i got stoked when i heard iron maiden for the second time in a few hours (our mp3 player is very random and some days you hear a lot of good stuff or none at all) and she goes "all these iron maiden songs sound exactly the same." she almost lost an eye.

You could really stand to exercise some tolerance here Mandy. I mean, you'd probably say that every Last Days Of Humanity song sounds the same.

[thürstön.3®®0®]

all of both bands songs sound the same: AWESOME!

[neckbeard]

My manager, sitting at her computer:
"Helene! Helene! Come and look at this, I need to show you something!!!"
"Hmmm Yes?"
"Look look, you need to see this, look, with my cursor I am highlighting this sentence OK?"
"Mmmm'K"
"Then I right-click and select COPY..."
"All right"
"Then I open a new document and select PASTE" (Big smile on her face)
"Yes... I see. OK and?"
"There! We can copy and paste something!!!!!!!!!!!! What a gain of time right???!!! Haha that's great!"
Looks at me and wonders why I have this look on my face.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is your manager??

... I know
To her defense she is a working machine, strong woman who works 60 hours a week and can do entire floor moves with a little finger.
But, yeah, I died a little on the inside after this anecdote.

Well, she probably just cut her week down to 50 hours.

[jakebonz]

My manager, sitting at her computer:
"Helene! Helene! Come and look at this, I need to show you something!!!"
"Hmmm Yes?"
"Look look, you need to see this, look, with my cursor I am highlighting this sentence OK?"
"Mmmm'K"
"Then I right-click and select COPY..."
"All right"
"Then I open a new document and select PASTE" (Big smile on her face)
"Yes... I see. OK and?"
"There! We can copy and paste something!!!!!!!!!!!! What a gain of time right???!!! Haha that's great!"
Looks at me and wonders why I have this look on my face.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is your manager??

... I know
To her defense she is a working machine, strong woman who works 60 hours a week and can do entire floor moves with a little finger.
But, yeah, I died a little on the inside after this anecdote.

Well, she probably just cut her week down to 50 hours.

Related Story:

I was designing a business-to-business website that allowed the design company I worked for to create packaging for a nut company. There would be a lot of people working from both places using the site, but I was really only dealing with one person over at the nut company during development. This was only last year, so I designed the website to fit perfectly on what is basically the new web standard 1024 by 768 screen resolution. So, I had the entire completed. It was great. It worked. Everyone at the design company was happy with it. Almost everyone at the nut company was happy with it...except for the nut lady that I was working with during development.

When the nut lady had a look at it, she was PISSED. She basically called me a liar for not adding some of the functionality to the site that she demanded. I was pissed because I know for a fact that I added it. In fact, I took screenshots to prove that it was there and I sent it to her.

Her reply: "WELL, I DON'T SEE THAT!"
My reply:
Her reply: "I ONLY THIS BUTTON, THIS BUTTON, AND THIS BUTTON"
My reply: "...is there a scroll bar at the bottom of the browser window?"
Her reply: "..., ..., ..., ... um, yes"
My reply: "Scroll right"
Her reply: "...oh..."

Turns out, she was the only one in both companies still using a 800 by 600 screen resolution. Because of that, I was forced to completely redesign the look of the site. The bright side of it was that it kept my contract job going another few weeks.

[Geeheeb]

Jakebonz: get ready for 1024 x 600 netbooks too bro.

[Perch?]

A women I work with asked our Muslim co-worker if he could "say something in Islasm." She was also under the impression that if you had intercourse with a man who was HIV positive you automatically had AIDS as soon as the penis touched you.

Another co-worker thought that people from India "spoke English, but with an Indian accent."

[MANTIS]

You could really stand to exercise some tolerance here Mandy. I mean, you'd probably say that every Last Days Of Humanity song sounds the same.