Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[MANTIS]

Her reply: "I ONLY THIS BUTTON, THIS BUTTON, AND THIS BUTTON"
My reply: "...The whole button?"

[neckbeard]

Turns out, she was the only one in both companies still using a 800 by 600 screen resolution. Because of that, I was forced to completely redesign the look of the site. The bright side of it was that it kept my contract job going another few weeks.

You should have had someone in her office change her resolution when she was AFK.

I mean if you didn't want more hours.


Or designed the site to work at any resolution

[jakebonz]

Or designed the site to work at any resolution

When your boss is a flamboyantly gay Jamacian man, shit MUST look exactly how he wants it, despite my protests about the 6 pt font size he demanded I use.

[Chevalier Mal Fet]

My manager, sitting at her computer:
"Helene! Helene! Come and look at this, I need to show you something!!!"
"Hmmm Yes?"
"Look look, you need to see this, look, with my cursor I am highlighting this sentence OK?"
"Mmmm'K"
"Then I right-click and select COPY..."
"All right"
"Then I open a new document and select PASTE" (Big smile on her face)
"Yes... I see. OK and?"
"There! We can copy and paste something!!!!!!!!!!!! What a gain of time right???!!! Haha that's great!"
Looks at me and wonders why I have this look on my face.

I actually just showed my dad this a few weeks ago. He tripled his productivity!

[Deleted Account]

I'm listening to Pet Sounds and one of the girls who works here came in and went "ugh, the beach boys ?" with much disdain. i said, "yeah... ?" and she goes, "god this is like, a 60s version of nickelback."

Okay, I've read this now about five times and I still can't even begin to wrap my brain around that statement.

[riley-o]

I'm listening to Pet Sounds and one of the girls who works here came in and went "ugh, the beach boys ?" with much disdain. i said, "yeah... ?" and she goes, "god this is like, a 60s version of nickelback."

Okay, I've read this now about five times and I still can't even begin to wrap my brain around that statement.

this was a few days ago now and i'm still shaking my head over it. one of the other guys at work heard about this (because i told him) and he berated her for a literal fifteen minutes about not knowing a goddamned thing about anything. he came in the office the next day while "wouldn't it be nice" was on again (because pet sounds rules), and he yells "pfffff, B-SIDE..."

[White Like Jesus]

A women I work with asked our Muslim co-worker if he could "say something in Islasm." She was also under the impression that if you had intercourse with a man who was HIV positive you automatically had AIDS as soon as the penis touched you.

It's time to ask this person to say a few things in Christian. A few more, that is.

[hana maru]

I actually just showed my dad this a few weeks ago. multiple times

he always forgets.

[death by snoo snoo]

I'm just going to go ahead and also use this thread for things I heard at work



A guy is walking through the store talking on his cell and this is the only part I caught:

"Yeah, the worst thing about a zombie holocaust would be trying to contain my excitement.. "

[jakebonz]

This is more dumb things I've seen at work, but anyway...

So, I'm on my 3rd tour of contracting duty at the same place, with the same - FUCKING - website. The thing allows another company to customize mailings (basically junk mail) and then have us print their customizations. The place I work at does not design any of the products. The customer designs all of the artwork, we here just print it and send it out.

While the site I developed is technically done, the other company sent in a ton of new artwork to add to the site that basically should have been sent a month and a half ago. With the other programmers already busy enough as it was, I was called back in. It's nice to get some extra cash in my pocket while I look for another job, but what I got called in for is truly ...

...Here is the main focus of the artwork I was sent:

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

Notice anything, well, wrong with this image? Like, so wrong you'd notice it right away when it's printed on a poster-sized product (which is available)?

[jakebonz]

This is more dumb things I've seen at work, but anyway...

So, I'm on my 3rd tour of contracting duty at the same place, with the same - FUCKING - website. The thing allows another company to customize mailings (basically junk mail) and then have us print their customizations. The place I work at does not design any of the products. The customer designs all of the artwork, we here just print it and send it out.

While the site I developed is technically done, the other company sent in a ton of new artwork to add to the site that basically should have been sent a month and a half ago. With the other programmers already busy enough as it was, I was called back in. It's nice to get some extra cash in my pocket while I look for another job, but what I got called in for is truly ...

...Here is the main focus of the artwork I was sent:

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

Notice anything, well, wrong with this image? Like, so wrong you'd notice it right away when it's printed on a poster-sized product (which is available)?

AHAHAHAHA!!! Did someone make those glasses in MS Paint???

You should see the "Photoshop" layers. One includes paintbrush strokes to fill in the gap between two parts of it. Hell, you can even tell the frames were Lasso'd out of the original image.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

This is more dumb things I've seen at work, but anyway...

So, I'm on my 3rd tour of contracting duty at the same place, with the same - FUCKING - website. The thing allows another company to customize mailings (basically junk mail) and then have us print their customizations. The place I work at does not design any of the products. The customer designs all of the artwork, we here just print it and send it out.

While the site I developed is technically done, the other company sent in a ton of new artwork to add to the site that basically should have been sent a month and a half ago. With the other programmers already busy enough as it was, I was called back in. It's nice to get some extra cash in my pocket while I look for another job, but what I got called in for is truly ...

...Here is the main focus of the artwork I was sent:

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

Notice anything, well, wrong with this image? Like, so wrong you'd notice it right away when it's printed on a poster-sized product (which is available)?

There's a black kid in it?

[riley-o]

i just got asked incredulously and furiously, "wait but halloween is a stat holiday ! ...isn't it ?"

[hana maru]

ahaha...that's rich.

[F/K/A HAPF]

Lesbian on loan from another store:
I hate foreigners. They need to all speak our language.
Me:
Ok...
Lesbo:
It is illegal to not speak English in the Navy. I should know, I was in.
Me:
Awesome. Isn't it illegal to be gay in the Navy too?

[Black Jacques]

A - Thousands of fetus' are aborted every day. If it's legal to kill the innocent, why is it illegal to kill the guilty?
B - Huh, never thought of it like that.
A - You don't even have to bring religion into it, just common sense.

[Syringe in Mouth]

The glasses, holy hell.

[ungodlywarlock]

This is more dumb things I've seen at work, but anyway...

So, I'm on my 3rd tour of contracting duty at the same place, with the same - FUCKING - website. The thing allows another company to customize mailings (basically junk mail) and then have us print their customizations. The place I work at does not design any of the products. The customer designs all of the artwork, we here just print it and send it out.

While the site I developed is technically done, the other company sent in a ton of new artwork to add to the site that basically should have been sent a month and a half ago. With the other programmers already busy enough as it was, I was called back in. It's nice to get some extra cash in my pocket while I look for another job, but what I got called in for is truly ...

...Here is the main focus of the artwork I was sent:

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

Notice anything, well, wrong with this image? Like, so wrong you'd notice it right away when it's printed on a poster-sized product (which is available)?

Is it your place as a company to explain to them how bad that looks?
Whoever did that needs to be fired, asap.

[jakebonz]

This is more dumb things I've seen at work, but anyway...

So, I'm on my 3rd tour of contracting duty at the same place, with the same - FUCKING - website. The thing allows another company to customize mailings (basically junk mail) and then have us print their customizations. The place I work at does not design any of the products. The customer designs all of the artwork, we here just print it and send it out.

While the site I developed is technically done, the other company sent in a ton of new artwork to add to the site that basically should have been sent a month and a half ago. With the other programmers already busy enough as it was, I was called back in. It's nice to get some extra cash in my pocket while I look for another job, but what I got called in for is truly ...

...Here is the main focus of the artwork I was sent:

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

Notice anything, well, wrong with this image? Like, so wrong you'd notice it right away when it's printed on a poster-sized product (which is available)?

Is it your place as a company to explain to them how bad that looks?
Whoever did that needs to be fired, asap.

The people I'm making the site for are generally a bunch of assholes, so we didn't say A THING. We'll just let them order HUNDREDS of them and mail them out to unsuspecting recipients. Their name is plastered all over it, not the place I'm working at.

[ungodlywarlock]

Hahahaha....then that is awesome.

[jakebonz]

Yeah, they don't see how it's a problem that because of several of their "requests" (demands, really...) that there was no guarantee that users of the site would have a unique way of logging in.

Here was how that shitstorm went down (note: this wasn't all at the same time):
1st request: Make the Usernames default to the E-Mail Address on user creation
2nd request: Allow multiple users to have the same E-Mail Address
3rd request: Remove the requirement that a user have an E-Mail Address

Even though I said all of these were a VERY bad idea when proposed, I still had to (re)program this all into the site. The 2nd time I was brought back was to solve these problems AKA put my code back to the way it was before the "requests"

[MANTIS]

A - Thousands of fetus' are aborted every day. If it's legal to kill the innocent, why is it illegal to kill the guilty?
B - Huh, never thought of it like that.
A - You don't even have to bring religion into it, just common sense.

PEAK OIL. Kill all the humans. Just common sense.

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

Takes 5 seconds.

[Hypnagogia]

last week got into a discussion with crazy conservative co-worker who was trying to tell me how "historically accurate" the movie 300 was.

Another co-worker overheard the conversation, and came to drop knowledge of the history channel show he had recently watched and denied crazy guy's claim that 300 spartans fought off thousands of persians. In reality, it might have only been 300 spartans, but they were backed by thousands of athenians.

Then it took a turn for the ultra-retarded, as crazy conservative guy explained that if they hadn't won that battle, Muslims would've taken over Europe.

[father of lies]

Then it took a turn for the ultra-retarded, as crazy conservative guy explained that if they hadn't won that battle, Muslims would've taken over Europe.

Holy damn.

[Wang Mandu]

"historically accurate" , the movie 300

This is where I would have turned around and walked away.