Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Music posts are a bannable offense.
Post Reply
neckbeard
Foaming at the mouth.
Posts: 7281
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 9:33 am

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by neckbeard »

haha

--

I do not understand java. I wrote this little script to run on nodejs and then got asked to redo it as an android app...

public class MyActivity extends Activity protected XML @override x = Number.Integer(5.0)
kale
User avatar
Megayak Now
Fearless Undead Machines
Posts: 170
Joined: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:24 pm
Location: Doylestown, Ohio
Contact:

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Megayak Now »

Not the dumbest thing i've heard, the dumbest I've seen. although, this guy does usually say the dumbest shit ever.
Image
User avatar
Sgt. Pat O'Phile
Keep it thick...
Posts: 526
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 8:09 am
Location: No.

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Sgt. Pat O'Phile »

jakebonz@work wrote:...uhh...we just dump all of that into an unorganized text field
:theylive: :fp:
neckbeard
Foaming at the mouth.
Posts: 7281
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 9:33 am

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by neckbeard »

Sounds like you need to start censoring letters back there

I yearn for you tragically. A. T. Tappman, Chaplain, U.S. Army
kale
Gunther
Forum Administrator
Posts: 13044
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:51 pm

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Gunther »

I hope your boss gets hit by a truck, Pisscubes.
Black Jacques wrote:Gordon Lightfoot looks like he was freubds with ghengus John.
jakebonz@work
Don't mess with my shit.
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:34 am

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by jakebonz@work »

Because I work at a rather large place, I get sent out these "lessons learned" e-mails about other people fucking up. This has nothing at all to do with me, but it's basically the opposite of Mr. Cubes recent tale of woe (edited for various reasons):
(redacted) is a critical deliverable for the (redacted) Customer. There has been a lot of focus on assuring that the current (already late) schedules are met. Both (redacted) and (redacted) are involved in this complex design effort. A key part of this series of activities is pipe hazards analysis being performed by the (redacted) group in (redacted). All calculations related to the (redacted) (including the pipe hazards analysis) were scheduled to be completed by March 31, 2011 to support an April 30th Customer deliverable. (redacted) has recently informed (redacted) that the calculations cannot be completed until April 15, 2011, citing that they did not have clear understanding of the March 31 due date and/or the sense of urgency associated with this deliverable. (redacted) is being performed to focus on the mishap in communication that resulted in the (redacted) office not clearly understanding the March 31st due date and the associated urgency.
How do you not understand that when something is due on March 31st that it's actually due on March 31st and not two weeks later?

:fp:
pleasuretokill
Olde Timer
Posts: 5630
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2007 6:49 pm
Location: Mesa, AZ

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by pleasuretokill »

Megayak Now wrote:Not the dumbest thing i've heard, the dumbest I've seen. although, this guy does usually say the dumbest shit ever.
Image
haha! Jesus! Please tell me that this guy doesn't operate heavy machinery, work alone at any time or make any decisions at your job.
Do you have a picture of him?

I picture his mouth wide open, teeth showing, with drool running down his shirt like a faucet.
"Did your parents put and Atari 2600 in a gold box and wrap it with Genesis paper to fuck with you?" - Pieclun
"theres a new Camo stronger than black ice, its better tasting than all the rest. its 12.5% and tastes sorta like cream soda mixed with piss. i like it!" - ghost boner
Ghost Dad
Wandering Johnny!
Posts: 6932
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 2:48 am
Location: Sox suck bruins suck pats suck.

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Ghost Dad »

One of my co-workers was talked into buying a smart phone for her 6 year old son (you may remember me saying how this gal got the kiddo a "30 flat screen for his room for x-mas [she doesn't make more than 28k/year]). She got into a fight with a t-mobile customer service rep (at work) because her phone bill is now 150$ a month for the two of them. Oh, her credit score is 520 ("it wasn't my fault"), which she frequently checks though multiple sites, which keys in her ss# to access...our computers have gotten multiple viruses over the years because my dipshit coworkers constantly visit spyware-infested sites. Then again, it's not like it would matter that much if someone stole her identity with a score like that.

I told her to stop spending so much money and checking her finances on the work computer.
hipster holocaust wrote: What do you think they're doing up there right now? A smiling SLH listening to MLK's juicy wife cheating stories while Maya takes notes?
Ghost Dad
Wandering Johnny!
Posts: 6932
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 2:48 am
Location: Sox suck bruins suck pats suck.

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Ghost Dad »

pleasuretokill wrote:
Megayak Now wrote:Not the dumbest thing i've heard, the dumbest I've seen. although, this guy does usually say the dumbest shit ever.
Image
haha! Jesus! Please tell me that this guy doesn't operate heavy machinery, work alone at any time or make any decisions at your job.
Do you have a picture of him?

I picture his mouth wide open, teeth showing, with drool running down his shirt like a faucet.
Personally, I've never liked leetus on my sand witches.
hipster holocaust wrote: What do you think they're doing up there right now? A smiling SLH listening to MLK's juicy wife cheating stories while Maya takes notes?
Lord Beguile
JOSH
Posts: 7933
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2007 3:34 pm
Location: Kaer Morhen

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Lord Beguile »

Some guy tried to explain to me that company safety programs are pointless. His reasoning is that you can't actually foresee or prevent an accident; they just happen.. at random. Without warning. Completely unavoidable.
Bored013 wrote:I've spoke to a few girls after they've been raped...there is of course the pain, the violence, the degradation...but there is also the question. "Why did he leave?"
hana maru wrote:..i've dealt with tiny dicked men pounding on my girl parts for minutes at a time.
Ghost Dad
Wandering Johnny!
Posts: 6932
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 2:48 am
Location: Sox suck bruins suck pats suck.

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Ghost Dad »

Operating heavy machinery with your eyes closed: random injuries ensue.
hipster holocaust wrote: What do you think they're doing up there right now? A smiling SLH listening to MLK's juicy wife cheating stories while Maya takes notes?
User avatar
ratanda
How's them beans, ma?
Posts: 3376
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:59 am
Contact:

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by ratanda »

Ghost Dad wrote: I told her to stop spending so much money and checking her finances on the work computer.
What was her response?
Ghost Dad
Wandering Johnny!
Posts: 6932
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 2:48 am
Location: Sox suck bruins suck pats suck.

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Ghost Dad »

She changed the subject. Not a fan of sound advice. It's ok though, she's like a soap opera we get to watch for 12 hours.
hipster holocaust wrote: What do you think they're doing up there right now? A smiling SLH listening to MLK's juicy wife cheating stories while Maya takes notes?
User avatar
kmfcm
I hate my life.
Posts: 4118
Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2007 5:21 pm

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by kmfcm »

this bitch bought 3 DVD players from Costco

here is her explanation:

"Costco lets you return anything in 90 days. i gotta see which one i like first?!?!"
"the fuck is this?, the fuck is that?"
User avatar
father of lies
Sir Posts-A-Lot
Posts: 10421
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 6:17 pm
Location: MKE WI

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by father of lies »

Not at work, but school:

We had a stupid activity that didn't count (and was insulting to my intelligence) Friday in my chemistry class. The girl next to me needed to write out formulas and use a calculator to figure out how many times you need to magnify a dime (.71 inches) to make it 7.1 inches. She started from the beginning, checked notes, and used a calculator to go from .71 to 71 in the next step.

Ugh.
fvkk
neckbeard
Foaming at the mouth.
Posts: 7281
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 9:33 am

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by neckbeard »

school'll do that
kale
User avatar
father of lies
Sir Posts-A-Lot
Posts: 10421
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 6:17 pm
Location: MKE WI

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by father of lies »

HEY GUYS WHAT'S 7.1/.71
fvkk
User avatar
Broken Into Pieces
O.G. Interwebber
Posts: 4962
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2008 2:58 pm
Location: 唐津市, 大韓民國
Contact:

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Broken Into Pieces »

father of lies wrote:HEY GUYS WHAT'S 7.1/.71
Pretty sure it's 10, dude.

Jeez, you're lucky I don't check this board from work, or I'd be posting your question as one of my answers...
Image Image
Xbox 360: Pabo Byungshin
¡Viva los Rudos!
oskorei noise industries
User avatar
ratanda
How's them beans, ma?
Posts: 3376
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:59 am
Contact:

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by ratanda »

father of lies wrote:Not at work, but school:

We had a stupid activity that didn't count (and was insulting to my intelligence) Friday in my chemistry class. The girl next to me needed to write out formulas and use a calculator to figure out how many times you need to magnify a dime (.71 inches) to make it 7.1 inches. She started from the beginning, checked notes, and used a calculator to go from .71 to 71 in the next step.

Ugh.
Wow. What was the activity?
Hypnagogia
How's them beans, ma?
Posts: 3425
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:22 pm
Location: ~Seattle

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Hypnagogia »

coin stacking 101
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
Mallard's a workin
jakebonz@work
Don't mess with my shit.
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:34 am

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by jakebonz@work »

Hey, dipshit currently having the sneezing fit. You know what might be a good idea? GOING TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM AND BLOWING YOUR NOSE INSTEAD OF SNORTING THE SNOT BACK UP INTO YOUR SINUS AFTER EACH SNEEZE. THERE'S A REASON YOUR BODY IS TRYING TO GET RID OF THAT SHIT.

FUCK.
User avatar
ratanda
How's them beans, ma?
Posts: 3376
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:59 am
Contact:

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by ratanda »

I blow my nose right at my desk.
User avatar
Black Jacques
Sweet Lord _______
Posts: 18315
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:14 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Black Jacques »

I was eating in the foodcourt and some asshole was mad at his "fashion consultant"

I damned near dumped my hotdog on my Denver Hayes.
Introvert
7th Church of the Apocalyptic Lawnmower
Posts: 14869
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:51 am
Location: Goat Whizzle

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by Introvert »

ratanda wrote:I blow my nose right at my desk.
So do I! (at your desk) :awesome:

I actually overhead someone asking a Vietnamese coworker if their family had been affected by the earthquake/tsunami. Either the person being questioned didn't hear the question or they are very tolerant of dumb hicks thinking all people from Asia are the same nationality.

Image
Friendly Goatus wrote:and stop being a dick to your cat
jakebonz@work
Don't mess with my shit.
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:34 am

Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Post by jakebonz@work »

Overheard (impossible not to) during a phone conversation between Mr. Sneeze fit and his wife:

"I walked away from my desk to take a phone call from the headhunter"

:fp:

Hey, buddy, if you want to be all discrete about your search for alternative employment, WHY DON'T YOU BE A LITTLE QUIETER ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST 45 MINUTES WHEN TALKING WITH YOUR WIFE?

I'm soooo happy this contract is over on the 31st.
Post Reply