The Bill's Now Playing Video Game Thread (Now with Bames)

[ghost boner]

It wasn't stressful just fucking annoying how long it took. I died the first try and it just takes you all the way back to the beginning of the fight when I was at the FINAL FUCKING STAGE

[ghost boner]

Why do I even bother?

[Eight Bit Alien]

I fucking hate that shit and i will absolutely stop playing a game because of it

Nerds think my time isn't fucking important

[Hunter]

I got Balatro pilled a couple weeks ago.

[FVBTVS]

that game is crack

[The Bill]

That Buffy game, man. Okay, it’s not bad. The game would actually be very easy if I wasn’t fighting the camera and struggling to actually face whom I wanted to assault. You play several characters from the show, and they all are crappy except the two Slayers Buffy & Faith. The game is fan service with a bunch of characters I guess are sort of blips on in memory, but I don’t remember shit about any of them. Combat takes too long, you’ll fight wave after wave, but only 3 bad guys at a time. Eh, I played a few levels, it was all repetitive. I used a cheat, played the one level you get to be Faith (I have a thing for younger Eliza Dushku). Watched the ending on YouTube to see if it’s worth continuing on, and it’s not. Not a bad game, probably great if you’re a Buffy mega fan, but I’m not.

Hey,look at me. Not only did I play yet another game where I’m a broad, but two broads.

Spin the wheel, fuck face!

Speaking of Slayers:

Slayers X: Terminal Aftermath Vengance of the Slayer

Oh, Jesus Christ! What has science done?!

[The Bill]

Slayer X: Blah Blah

I played a little. The game feels like someone made a mod for Red Neck Rampage, but decided to make it retail so there’s cutscenes and I’m guessing licensed music. Shit is so “Hey, remember the real douchey parts of the late 90’s/Early 2K, let’s shove all that in your face” But is it satire or nostalgia for the developer? Not truly sure.

Anyhow, here is the thing, I noticed on Steam the developer promising a huge patch with fixes and adds additional content. So, if it’s still expecting a patch, then it’s not finished. So sick of playing unfinished games. I’ll come back, as I didn’t hate what I played. But it’s on pause till it’s patched.

So, for any newer game, I now have to check developers’ updates to see if they are indeed finished patching.


Spin dat wheel, fag-hags:

Kingpin Reloaded


Oh, fuck me!

[Eight Bit Alien]

Wait are you buying every game that the wheel tells you to play?

[The Bill]

Wait are you buying every game that the wheel tells you to play?

Haha! Good God, no! Well, some were already purchased, but I don’t think I got one yet. No, I lie. I actually bought Slayer X some months ago for less than 5 dollars. But It’s cock full of emulator and modded games. I’ve also found a few sites that are supplying me with test subjects I downloaded.

Uh, Kingpin Reloaded is a mess. Skip for now.


The Wheel of Pain continues…

METRO LAST LIGHT REDUX

Alright now! Hey, I bought this one previously. Good fucking game. I think it was only 2017 when I last played it. Sold!

[spacehamster]

Still at it with Armored Core 6. Turns out your first playthrough is basically easy mode, and then in NG+ and NG++ the game starts to throw the harder stuff at you. There's also a... lake... full of... wheel-shaped enemies that's completely skippable unless you want to do one of the scavenger hunt trophies or you want the moonlight sword.

I've done almost everything at this point, but I still need to S rank every mission, and I honestly don't know if I'll be able to pull that off.

[The Bill]

When it rains, it pours.

Was loving the replay of Metro Last Light and then I hit a game crashing bug. Had to replay the entire level as the bug was literally at the end of the stage. Okay, happened a few levels later, exact same shit, okay, replayed that entire level. Happened today again. Fuck this, I’m not replaying that level again. Deleted. This fucking sucks. It never crashed once back in 2017(??).

Spin that wheel, fuck knuckle!



Wrath: Aeon of Ruin


No, I did not buy it.

[doomeddisciple]

Fallout TV show was a good time

[The Bill]

Man, Wrath feels like a Quake mod, and lo and behold, the game runs in the Quake engine and was made by some folks behind an apparently excellent Quake mod. I’m not feeling it right now. Oddly, I need something a little less DOOM and something more Half-Life. I mean, I want a bit more story and realistic progression, not just run around and shoot everything. I don’t want excessive cut-scenes but I want something a touch more literate then find key, kill monsters. So, I’m putting the game back on the wheel for a future date, when I’m not feeling a bit so jerky.

Spin that wheel, shit tits!

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided


You don’t say. The other Deus Ex, that this is a sequel to, wasn’t bad. Okay.

[cxwx]

[Brutus Frank]

Oh LAWDY gonna make me bust out a vic-20 so I can play Omega Race

[The Bill]

I had a Commodore 64 in my wee youth, and that dancing monster is very familiar.

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided is one of the most gorgeous things ever to play on my TV. Unfortunately, it's also boring, and redundant. For a game with supposedly so many play style options, I found myself constantly having to hack terminals and hide in order to progress.I also had to check in with a walk-through as some shit is impossible with out leveling up certain things properly. It's rinse and repeat, walking around hub area, take train to another hub, walk around that hub, start mission/side mission, mission area is always patrolling guards and cameras and ZZZ! Once you complete said mission, it's back tracking followed by more back tracking. Also, the game doesn't have a cut scene problem so much as it has a dialogue problem. Can't everyone shut up! It's not a bad game, but with over 70 games on the wheel alone, if it's not cutting the mustard, it's out of here!

Spin that wheel, lettuce lips:



Oh my Stars and Garters. I haven't played this since 91' maybe. Going to do the SNES version, because better graphics, audio, and I prefer the SNES emulator over the NES, anyhow I present you with:

SUPER MARIO 3

[The Bill]

Super Mario 3 beaten. Didn't skip or warp, I played every stage. There is no real reason for me to talk about this classic, but, ok, here are some random notes:

• I may very well be a better 2D Mario player now than I was in my youth/teens.

• The levels are all way shorter than I remember.

• Hammer Mario isn't as badass as I recalled.

• Is that cool Boot power up really only in one level?

• World 7, Pipe Maze, is the sore spot of the game, kind of shitty in parts.

• World 3, Giant Island, is the best, more games need extra large stuffs.

• Beating a game and no scrolling movie style end credits is bizarre to me now.

Spin that wheel, Captain Kangaroo!


BATMAN BEGINS (GAMECUBE)




This is going to be horrendous, huh? EA made it? The real thing is Batman Begins came out during the PS2 era? Fuck, I feel old.

[The Bill]

Eh! There are seeds of Arkham Asylum here. It's shockingly not terrible. But being a film tie-in from this era, well, the story is rushed and all over the place. There's some jank, and Bats climbing up ladders is laugh out loud awful. I don't hate this, but there's no way I'll live long enough to get through all these games if I don't toss out the bad and the bland. Sadly, this Batman game lacks personality in favor of promoting the film. It does make me want to replay the Arkham games, though.

Spin that Wheel, Potato Famine!

Tomb Raider: Anniversary (PC)




Jesus, this will be the forth Tomb Raider game I've played in about a year's time. Ms. Croft is like my other wife at this point. Anyhow, I have issues with the PC port but it's still better than the PS2 and PSP versions so here we go.

[The Bill]

Fucking damnit!

Haha, it seems like unless the game is from the 80's or 90's I'm not finishing it lately. Tomb Raider Anniversary is a remake of Tomb Raider 1. Well, if this is the type of game the PS1 games were like, then I'm glad I skipped them. 95% is just boring, frustrating, and tedious puzzles and jungle gym traversal. The combat was really shaky, as well, fighting all those scary bats. Tomb Raider Legacy didn't have all this nonsense. Sorry, Lara, not feeling this one. So, I watched all the cinematic cutscenes in case I need to know anything when I eventually get the Underworld game. Lara's tits were almost too big, by the way. Oh, and the boss fights suck.

Spin the Wheel, Fart Ass!


EDIT!!


Warhammer 40K: Space Marine

I'm an asshole that doesn't know how to read. it wasn't Space Marine it was:


Warhammer 40K Nercomunda: Hired Gun






I don't know shit about Warhammer 40K, other than there are Orcs and rat people and you wear some bulky blue armor. I think this game is a Gears of War clone. Well, haven't played a cover based third person shooter in years. I guess it's a FPS. Will this satiate my desires and possibly leave me a Warhammer fan? Stay tunes to find out.


.

[The Bill]

It's been years since I've blabbered on this much here about games.Is this the Renaissance of the Daleks? Necromunda... it's not bad, sort of addictive for a few hours, then you realize the game is just repeating it's self, and it's human only rouges gallery of limited foes got boring. It's a AA DOOM Eternal clone, really. I think almost 8 hours playtime was a valiant effort.

Spin the Wheel, Patrick Swayze!


FAXANADU (NES)





I'm pretty sure I rented and beat this back then, I remember liking it, but I honestly don't remember much.

[The Bill]

I can't do it. Faxanadu is just too, how do I put it? NES janky? It's sloppy honestly. If this is the type of game I considered good back when, then either I was disillusioned by even worse games I had rented or it was just a different time. I have no problem kicking it to the curb, just not that good.

Spin the Wheel: Cankles:


Chernobylite





I don't know. Not a lot of faith in this. You're name if fucking Igor for God's sake. You're a "Stalker" again. Aren't you a "Stalker" in The Stalker and Metro series? Is being a Stalker a real Russian thing that has to do with nuclear fallout?

[The Bill]

Chernobylite.... Game has resource-gathering of the juggalos, eh. Game has item crafting but you need a fire-pit to craft anything, ugh. I crafted soup to heal, so when I selected the soup he bandaged his arm, even though the damage was from breathing in radioactivity, oh dear. Game tried to force me to build a base!

Curse you, Russia or Ukraine or whoever ever made this. Fucking Igor! The Bill don't base build!

Spin the Wheel, vagina!


Ninja Gaiden (Steam version of the XBOX era Gaiden games)



FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! We've meet back when, and it wasn't good for me back then, but I remember the hate and disdain I had. Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but UN-conquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

[The Bill]

I’m sticking with Ninja Gaiden out of spite and revenge. But seriously, folks, did any of you assholes actually enjoy this fucking game. The main character handles beautifully most of the time, When the cameras not being a cock and The platforming isn’t being complete shit fuck. Combat!! Each individual fodder enemy is essentially a mini-boss. This works when the game is running on all cylinders and it feels like a real kung fu or ninja film. But then the Game fucks up, The enemy is too “bullet spongy“ And there’s too many, and sometimes they infinitely respond.

Oh, And playing is that big titty bimbo Racheal kind of blows.

[FVBTVS]

[The Bill]

By hook and by crook Ninja Gaiden finally beaten. Fuck this game, fuck anyone that likes this game, fuck anyone that created this game, and fuck me for adding Ninja Gaiden 2 to the wheel.


Spin thee Wheel, Labia!


ROGUE WARRIOR





I played 10 minutes, and it's wonderful in it's own retarded way