Generic Business Oriented Website

jakebonz wrote:accounting people

copstache wrote:

jakebonz wrote:accounting people

accounting departments are the fucking worst.

delmuerte wrote:http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2 ... -can-deal/

Pisscubes wrote:

Black Jacques wrote:"You can't go camping without a TV!"

jakebonz wrote:So, you had to scroll through my story of the new cubes, right?

Well, they finally got them into a more permanent position.

AND IF ONE MORE FUCKING MOUTHBREATHER COMES UP TO ME AND MENTIONS THAT IT'S NOW "A MAZE" BECAUSE THE ENTRY TO THE CUBE IS IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION I'M GOING TO FACEPALM SO FUCKING HARD

No complaints and no issues. At least, when it comes to Dreamhost stuff.

Complaint: Energy drinks

Issue: they don't work.

Fact: they're bullshit. I can actually use them as a substitute for
o.c.t. (don't you like that? Commercials that get fancy and say o.c.t.
instead of "over the counter?" Pricks.) sleeping pills. Want to sleep?
Try an energy drink! Go to sleep faster!

Do you know what "energy drinks" make me do? Get really jittery and
nervous and want to eat. Eat? Yes, eat. Why? Because that's the only
way I can stop the jitters. In fact, as we speak, I am starting to get
the jitters. I didn't drink this SHIT for the jitters!

Does DH have some sort of "swear" filter when it comes to e-mails?
Like, if I say "fuck" or "shit" in the e-mail, it goes to you, but
because I said "fuck" or "shit" it also gets CCed to someone else to
make sure you're not the one swearing?

What if the swearing is used properly? Like...against a competitor.
There is no way in hell DH management would argue with you or restrain
you from saying "FUCK NETWORK SOLUTIONS!"

Dude, I am SWEATING MY ASS OFF! I am in Massachusetts, where it has
been mostly rainy and the summer has been tame and now I am practically
PISSING SWEAT through my sweat pores or whatever the technical term is
for those places where you leak fluids from your skin.

Ever seen those STRIPED sections of a parking lot? You know, basically
the areas that you're not supposed to park and you know you're not
supposed to park there?

I was at the doctor's a week or two ago and, would you believe, some
bitch with her HUGE friggin' SUV parked there. She actually parked
CLOSER than the handicapped drivers!

I'm not kidding, this vehicle was stupid huge. But, if you can't park
it, why drive it? I was *this close* to actually taking a shit on the
hood of her vehicle for parking like a twat.

I can hear her now. "Oh, I didn't want to take up two spots."

I wonder what the manufacturer's motto is for that vehicle. "Drive a
big SUV! Park like an asshole!"

Wow, I'm REALLY sweating now. I just sat back for a second and my
arms/wrists left PUDDLES of sweat. PUDDLES! Why did I bother putting
on deoderant? If I'm sweating this much, what is the point?

OH MY GOD, THESE JITTERS HAVE TO GO! I'M GOING TO SCARF DOWN SOME FOOD
BEFORE I GO NUTS FROM THIS SHIT DRINK!

-- ***
DH Customer

P.S. - if this doesn't go to S*** H because he was fired or quit or
drank an energy drink like me and went bat shit crazy, I apologize.

-------------------------------------------------
ISSUE #88274
-------------------------------------------------
Client Issue:
"Has ANY person in your company ever Looked at or tryed to READ any maniual
man u all something like thet that it's funney even after 7 years I still
LAUGH any way some people like Ta know I mean Ya know!"

Problem Point:
We failed to provide the client with a version of their manual in garbled,
unpunctuated non-english.

Improvement Goal:
Many companies miss the garbled, unpunctuated non-english market segment
completely, and we should not be one of them. It's important to remember
that for every client that understands "Click the 'submit' button to save
your changes", there's another that only understands "klik tHe summit butt
on two SAVE yer changez ya know ya know".


-------------------------------------------------
ISSUE #88279
-------------------------------------------------

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

Client Issue:
"I understand the issues are on our end, but at least try to make me laugh
while I am venting! THAT'S CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!"

Problem Point:
Our technician was not entertaining enough while the client complained about
a matter unrelated to the company.

Improvement Goal:
Instead of being professional and courteous, the technician should have known
that the client was upset before taking the call so that he could have answered
the phone in a funny squeaky voice and punctuated the conversation with circus
sound effects.


-------------------------------------------------
ISSUE #88304
-------------------------------------------------
Client Issue:
"I STILL have a problem with my Hotmail account. At the very least, tell them to
e-mail me like they care and tell them to fix it. Maybee TECH SUPPORT lost it?
mabee they need a coster or something to wipe there as**^^%? did I say that NA
no way must have been a finger Slip? i get that a lot!"

Problem Point:
Our technician was unable to solve a problem with a product produced by a
different company, specifically Hotmail by Microsoft.

Improvement Goal:
Even though our technicians are not employees of Microsoft, they should have had
the foresight to work for them for several years to become an expert on their
products before gaining employment with our current company. Our technicians are
cutting corners, and that's just sad.


-------------------------------------------------
ISSUE #88311
-------------------------------------------------
Client Issue:
"I read on a website that your softweare had a security breach. (Provides a link
to that website.) Whan are you planning on fixing this security breach, as I
refuse to use your software until this is fixed."

Problem Point:
The technician assumed the client would read the next sentence in the website's
article, which mentioned that the security breach in question was fixed less
than two days after it was discovered... three years ago.

Improvement Goal:
Begin every email, support ticket and phone conversation with by shouting
"WELCOME TO (COMPANY), WHERE WE FIXED A MINOR SECURITY ISSUE SEVERAL YEARS
AGO!"


-------------------------------------------------
ISSUE #88318
-------------------------------------------------
Client Issue:
"your getting than you used to be"
(That's the entirety of the message from the client.)

Problem Point:
While it is unclear whether or not this is actually a complaint, what is
clear is that the technician's "getting" is in some way different than the
technician himself was at some point in the past.

Improvement Goal:
Each technician should take better care of his "getting", to ensure that
it stops differing from how the technician used to be. That way, the
technician will potentially be praised by the client with the commendation
that, "your getting is now exactly the same as you are now". And those are
the type of praises that result in raises.


-------------------------------------------------
ISSUE #88334
-------------------------------------------------
Client Issue:
"You're wrong, check with Bob Williams. I spoke with him last week, and his
answer contradicted what you're telling me now."

Problem Point:
Even though Bob Williams hasn't worked for our company for two and a half
years, the technician should have the names, addresses and phone numbers
of all past employees committed to memory. This would allow the technician
to contact Bob while the client holds. However, if Bob no longer works at
the company because he is dead, then the technician will need to call upon
his powers of transcending the mortal fabric of existence -- which should
have been covered during his first week of training -- to contact Bob in
an alternate dimension.

Improvement Goal:
Transport backwards in time and confront Bob regarding the contradicting
misinformation he has apparently been spreading to clients. Then pinch him
unmercifully.

Hotchka! wrote:5 secs ago

"What's today's date? The 13th?"