The Torsion wrote:Foreman walking into my office: Hey man, have you ever thought about...
Me: NO.
Foreman: C'mon man, I'm bein' serious, have you ever thought about...
Me: NO.
Foreman: I'm serious man.
Me: What?
Foreman: You ever thought about a perpetual motion ma...
Me: NO.
I have that exact conversation with a coworker, except he was trying to talk to me about internet antigravity videos.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:23 am
by featherboa
I had to go in early on monday to fix something before everyone else got in and i made coffee and she poured it out and made a new pot
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:30 am
by \m/Johnny\m/
featherboa wrote: she poured it out and made a new pot
I do this almost every day because the Messicans make it so weak it's like drinking brown water.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 6:41 am
by godofdeadlydeath
The VP of my department has "Superhero" by Jane's Addiction as his ring tone.
Otherwise known as this:
That ringtone wasn't cool in 2005, let alone now. This guy is pushing 50. I get douche chills every time I hear his phone go off.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 4:54 am
by Toilet Fleet
"Whenever I can, I take out in between words, like 'of' and 'the.' You know, particles."
You know, particles. Like "the."
This jackass a.) graduated from law school and b.) passed a state bar.
I am surrounded by the worst humans.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 11:22 am
by Necrometer
Toilet Fleet wrote:I am surrounded by the worst humans.
welcum 2 earf
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 12:43 am
by Cascade Whore
"I've never had to fire an employee really. They simply fire themselves."
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:48 pm
by \m/Johnny\m/
This happened years ago but I was reminded of it when I saw some mexicans munching on jalapenos in the break room...
Many years ago we hired a young black man to drive the delivery truck. One day we were all eating Papa John's and black dude bet one of the mexicans 100 bucks he couldn't eat one of the peppers that came with it without drinking any water for an hour. Black dude lost, and was absolutely dumbfounded at the feat.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:57 pm
by godofdeadlydeath
\m/Johnny\m/ wrote:This happened years ago but I was reminded of it when I saw some mexicans munching on jalapenos in the break room...
Many years ago we hired a young black man to drive the delivery truck. One day we were all eating Papa John's and black dude bet one of the mexicans 100 bucks he couldn't eat one of the peppers that came with it without drinking any water for an hour. Black dude lost, and was absolutely dumbfounded at the feat.
From a fucking pepperoncini? That's hilarious.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:16 am
by \m/Johnny\m/
yesterday morning conversation with dumb-as-a-stump welder who is always late and smokes pot in the bathroom:
Welder: Sorry I was late, I forgot to reset my clock over the weekend
Me: Well then you should've been an hour early
Welder: No... wait... are you sure?
Me: Positive.
I could post in this thread every day.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:03 pm
by LolaFaun
Pisscubes wrote:"Well, they said to get our graphic designer on this so..."
"Actually, I'm a videographer, not a graphic designer."
"Well... shouldn't you be able to do graphic design, too?"
I love the implication that I've somehow slacked off by not also learning graphic design as I ammased the skills to do video.
Art fag.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:47 pm
by a world of no
GLAD SOMEONE FINALLY HAD THE BALLS TO SAY IT!
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:49 pm
by a world of no
YEAH, FAG! CRY ABOUT IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:51 pm
by a world of no
berets aren't gay.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:54 pm
by LolaFaun
Pisscubes wrote:
a world of no wrote:YEAH, FAG! CRY ABOUT IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Wait-- can I get that emoticon but with a beret on it?
You know you're aces in my book Geoff.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:00 pm
by a world of no
ok... back on track.
instructed a girl on her first body bagging last week. after we got the guy prepped and the bag zipped up:
me: ok, did you have your shears on you?
her: no... why?
me: you have to cut holes in the bag so he can breathe.
her: oh! no! i'll go get them!
me: stop... no, go ahead. i'll wait.
her: ok!
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:08 pm
by LolaFaun
instructed a girl on her first body bagging last week. after we got the guy prepped and the bag zipped up:
me: ok, did you have your shears on you?
her: no... why?
me: you have to cut holes in the bag so he can breathe.
her: oh! no! i'll go get them!
me: stop... no, go ahead. i'll wait.
her: ok!
We ask the FNGs to grab us a pot of steam from the walk-in. You'd be surprised how long they're in there looking for it.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:01 am
by Whee of the Dead
Me: I'm not referring to thug gangsters, I'm talking about real gangsters.
Girl I Work With: You mean like Al Pacino?
Me:
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:42 am
by riley-o
Oh we do have fun don't we guys
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 12:35 pm
by E.E 3.0
Whee of the Dead wrote:Me: I'm not referring to thug gangsters, I'm talking about real gangsters.
Girl I Work With: You mean like Al Pacino?
Me:
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 3:04 pm
by Toilet Fleet
Toilet Fleet wrote:"Whenever I can, I take out in between words, like 'of' and 'the.' You know, particles."
You know, particles. Like "the."
This jackass a.) graduated from law school and b.) passed a state bar.
I am surrounded by the worst humans.
Today's gem from the same Chaz Bono-looking motherfucker as above: the word "wherein" is a question. As soon as it's used, it's interrogatory. Only use "herein" and "therein" because those aren't questions.
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
There was also a technical gem about he doesn't argue certain facts about a case because they're somehow immaterial until the judge makes an affirmative finding on them--because somehow, facts aren't facts until they're acknowledged on the record. I sorta got philosophical in response to that point when I really should have just called him stupid and ended the conversation.
T-minus alksdjf;lakjer days until I get to deal with our LA lawyers, who I already know are just as dumb but far more spineless and cowardly
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 7:29 am
by ratanda
a world of no wrote:ok... back on track.
instructed a girl on her first body bagging last week. after we got the guy prepped and the bag zipped up:
me: ok, did you have your shears on you?
her: no... why?
me: you have to cut holes in the bag so he can breathe.
her: oh! no! i'll go get them!
me: stop... no, go ahead. i'll wait.
her: ok!
Haha! Holy shit! How long did it take her to figure it out, and what did she say?
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 7:31 am
by Necrometer
Toilet Fleet wrote:Today's gem from the same Chaz Bono-looking motherfucker as above: the word "wherein" is a question. As soon as it's used, it's interrogatory. Only use "herein" and "therein" because those aren't questions.
goddamnit
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:10 pm
by a world of no
^
that was her excuse. she was pretty excited about the entire experience, so she wasn't thinking too clearly. before the cutting holes in the bag thing though i did instruct her to pull out his catheter sharply and forcefully, "as if you were starting a lawn mower" because rigor causes the urethra to seize up on the tubing. she caught on to that one though when the tech started giggling.
Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:15 pm
by riley-o
*slapping monitor* "My computer keeps running slow."
"So you... hit the monitor ? "
"Sometimes it helps."
" "
You know you're aces in my book Geoff.
