electronicham wrote:You didn't have the common courtesy to spit out the gum? What the fuck? I bet there was no flavor to it already because if there was flavor, he would have OBVIOUSLY saw you put it in before you mowed down on his crotch. This is total bullshit and I am offended
you some kinda queer?
Listen....this is America...I have some fucking standards and one of those does not involve TRIDENT
I had one girl shout out "Fuck me, you faggot!" while I was tossing my hotdog down her hallway. It confused me and threw me off my rhythm. Then I just got mad and choked her while pumping harder. She really seemed to like that, for some reason. I'm pretty sure she didn't used to be a dude, although if she had it would explain the faggot comment, hmm...
Teufel wrote:I had one girl shout out "Fuck me, you faggot!"
Reminds me of that episode of Californication where Duchovny was banging that chick doggy style and she screams out "Fuck me with your BIG BLACK COCK!!!".
43°29′28″N 83°23′49″W wrote:Reminds me of that episode of Californication where Duchovny was banging that chick doggy style and she screams out "Fuck me with your BIG BLACK COCK!!!".
hahahaha... I wish. That would be the proudest moment of my life, I'd never fuck again after that. There's no topping "Fuck me with your big black cock!"
Pisscubes wrote:One night my freshman year of college I had a threesome with one chick I really wanted to do and her rail-thin, sharp beaked, too many piercings and acne-faced totally scummy metal head chick friend. But, fuck it. It was two chicks at once was my drunken thinking.
The next night I'm in my dorm room and there's a knock on the door. It's the scummy metal chick (of course it couldn't be the hot chick from the threesome). She's loaded. I'm loaded. We just start going at it. I go down on her for a while until she comes then she starts going down on me. After a while, I know I'm going to go off so to be a nice guy I tell her, "I'm going to come."
She looks up at me with a face caught between boredom and eye rolling and says sarcastically, "Good for you". She then put it back in her mouth and I shot into the back of her throat. She spat it out on my bed and then took a Bush Lite out of her bag, opened it and drank it down.
I spoiler this only out of respect for you and your pain:
Pisscubes wrote:
haha-- no pain here. I actually think it's a hilarious story. This is the kind of shit you should be experiencing when you're 18 and 19, right?
I suppose so. One of my friends at that age told a very similar story about going back to his dorm room, getting a blow job from a chick and her popping her head up and saying, "Hey, you have any beer? I'm not nearly drunk enough for this."
Pisscubes wrote:One night my freshman year of college I had a threesome with one chick I really wanted to do and her rail-thin, sharp beaked, too many piercings and acne-faced totally scummy metal head chick friend. But, fuck it. It was two chicks at once was my drunken thinking.
The next night I'm in my dorm room and there's a knock on the door. It's the scummy metal chick (of course it couldn't be the hot chick from the threesome). She's loaded. I'm loaded. We just start going at it. I go down on her for a while until she comes then she starts going down on me. After a while, I know I'm going to go off so to be a nice guy I tell her, "I'm going to come."
She looks up at me with a face caught between boredom and eye rolling and says sarcastically, "Good for you". She then put it back in her mouth and I shot into the back of her throat. She spat it out on my bed and then took a Bush Lite out of her bag, opened it and drank it down.
I REMEMBER THIS STORY FROM YEARS AGO WHEN YOU TOLD IT. YOU TELL THE BEST STORIES! I USUALLY DON'T READ HUGE POSTS BUT I ALWAYS READ YOURS. XO
Don't have anything really cruel said to me but I remember being 21 and fingering my GF at the time, who was 26, and she wasn't really into it so her pussy was dry...I remember asking her, "Is this what happens when you get old?"
Well, you have to keep in mind that at that age I was a hardcore alcoholic. Sex with me must have been like a cross between removing a cadaver from a crime scene and somehow making cooked spaghetti hard again. She was a good girl, I think she ended up marrying someone in QOTSA or something. Fuck her. Story of my life, though: woman wants to have sex, I'm lying there trying to remember the Dean Martin trick to keep the room from spinning. My brain doesn't shut off...I've tried to achieve epic states of Hemingway-like drunkenness to distract the ol' noodle and the only noodle...you know the rest. If there was a third person there he would have been bored too.
Doing it with some random barfly, put it in her butt, and she turns around all scared and says "oh my god I ate Jalapenos earlier." Didn't see what the big deal was until an hour later I noticed a burning sensation on the tip of my dick. It ended up being a Jalapeno seed that got stuck inside my wang and had to be removed by a doctor with tweezers.
I don't think what she said was mean but fuck this is all i got.
Pistol Whip wrote:Doing it with some random barfly, put it in her butt, and she turns around all scared and says "oh my god I ate Jalapenos earlier." Didn't see what the big deal was until an hour later I noticed a burning sensation on the tip of my dick. It ended up being a Jalapeno seed that got stuck inside my wang and had to be removed by a doctor with tweezers.
I don't think what she said was mean but fuck this is all i got.
Bored, Esq. wrote:Don't have anything really cruel said to me but I remember being 21 and fingering my GF at the time, who was 26, and she wasn't really into it so her pussy was dry...I remember asking her, "Is this what happens when you get old?"
Such an asshole.
Hahahaha!
Bored001 wrote:34 is still wet behind the ears...it's not that you're getting older, you're getting smarter.
Pistol Whip wrote:Doing it with some random barfly, put it in her butt, and she turns around all scared and says "oh my god I ate Jalapenos earlier." Didn't see what the big deal was until an hour later I noticed a burning sensation on the tip of my dick. It ended up being a Jalapeno seed that got stuck inside my wang and had to be removed by a doctor with tweezers.
I don't think what she said was mean but fuck this is all i got.
Hahahaha!
Pisscubes wrote:"Females, as a whole, are horrible, souless creatures bent on the destruction of males".
Pistol Whip wrote:Doing it with some random barfly, put it in her butt, and she turns around all scared and says "oh my god I ate Jalapenos earlier." Didn't see what the big deal was until an hour later I noticed a burning sensation on the tip of my dick. It ended up being a Jalapeno seed that got stuck inside my wang and had to be removed by a doctor with tweezers.
I don't think what she said was mean but fuck this is all i got.
Hahahaha!
Yeah thats why it isn't a good idea to make the butt sex with Mexican girls.
But on a side note she was on the pill so I got to paint her butt walls with all the cum my weiner could vomit.
She then put it back in her mouth and I shot into the back of her throat. She spat it out on my bed and then took a Bush Lite out of her bag, opened it and drank it down.
