I have THE FARTS

[\m/Johnny\m/]

[Dr Yail Bloor]

I have sat myself in a corner at work and revelling in my own fecal fever.

[takeasneededforpain]

You ever have THE FARTS that are so hot and moist that you think you sharted?
I had a case of those yesterday, and I literally checked my pants for shit 3 times.
The smell could have only been described as Eau d' Landfill.

[death by snoo snoo]

There's nothing like getting out of the shower, sprinkling some gold bond on your nuts, and strapping on a fresh pair of draws only to rip a putrid fucking fart in them seconds later. Old Rasputin fart particles are so potent, they hang in the air like mustard gas and readily cut through any material, but not without leaving a soggy mess of yellow-green sludge behind. You can actually feel them sticking in your olfactory glands. The gold bond at once helps to aerosolize the compound while also acting as a base for the toxic musk that will devour the cotton garment like starving piranhas.

Oh, the futility of modern living.

[Burpcore the GRIM]

I thought for sure that I lost the Oops Poops Gamble today at work. A nervous, bowlegged waddle to the bathroom followed but upon inspection, nothing solid or liquid escaped. The sheer violence of the release and the deathly stench that followed sure as hell had me convinced that I gave 110%, though.

[delmuerte]

I've always been a huge fan of THE FARTS, but now it's just beyond any kinda joke. I fart 100% of the time in any situation. I thing my guts are not equipped to handle THE FARTS and so I just THE FART all the time. Like, not even in a hilarious way. In a way where I stay up all night farting and the cats hate me. Also, my girlfriend has grown quite tired.

[death by snoo snoo]

Leon has The Walking THE FARTS

Just get yourself a pair of squeaky shoes for camouflage and a farting dog to blame the smell on

[badgevvrecker]

we covered the dogs food in THE DUCK drippings, and their THE FARTS are deadly.

[Necrometer]

so so so so many horrific THE FARTS this eve

[Dr Yail Bloor]

I've always been a huge fan of THE FARTS, but now it's just beyond any kinda joke. I fart 100% of the time in any situation. I thing my guts are not equipped to handle THE FARTS and so I just THE FART all the time. Like, not even in a hilarious way. In a way where I stay up all night farting and the cats hate me. Also, my girlfriend has grown quite tired.

My farts are so constant that only the truly special ones get any reaction from the wife anymore.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

I must say, this morning's bowel evacuation turned out to be something of a paper tiger. I mean, after last nights THE FARTS, one would have assumed that this morning was going to be the Muhammad Ali of poos, when it really was more of a Peter McNeely.

I was bunged up a couple of weeks ago and the wife recommended these glycerin suppositories she had, so i moistened the tip and inserted the bullet shaped tablet into my back eye. I'll not say the following 20 mins were the best of my life but they were far from the worst. It began as a twinge, a twinge that came back stronger each time, much like contractions i would believe, I sat patiently and waited. Around 5 mins later the screaming urge to shit raced through my bady, it appeared like a clap of thunder and i had to make the 60 yard dash in record time or risk besmirching my trousers. I made it, by a whisper as my arse was going like a rabbits nose as i lowered my pants. It was, in a word, GLORIOUS, like all your truly great shits rolled into one, wave after wave of excrement poured out like a fountain of fizzy gravy and I left the bathroom like a man reborn and with a spring in my step.

Gentlemen I INSISt you heed this tale and try some of these bum bullets for yourself, you will not be disapoint.

[Mooretician]

Now THAT'S a fucking post Bloor, top notch work.

[Honky Kong 64]

I've been grossing myself out tonight. Please stop.

[featherboa]

buncha FnB cauliflower broccoli curry and i haven't pooped yet today? yes
yes i too am grossing myself out

[ibn Horowitz]

[ I made it, by a whisper as my arse was going like a rabbits nose as i lowered my pants.

hahahahahahaha



i get the baby snakes treatment every time i eat lucky charms

[a world of no]

I must say, this morning's bowel evacuation turned out to be something of a paper tiger. I mean, after last nights THE FARTS, one would have assumed that this morning was going to be the Muhammad Ali of poos, when it really was more of a Peter McNeely.

I was bunged up a couple of weeks ago and the wife recommended these glycerin suppositories she had, so i moistened the tip and inserted the bullet shaped tablet into my back eye. I'll not say the following 20 mins were the best of my life but they were far from the worst. It began as a twinge, a twinge that came back stronger each time, much like contractions i would believe, I sat patiently and waited. Around 5 mins later the screaming urge to shit raced through my bady, it appeared like a clap of thunder and i had to make the 60 yard dash in record time or risk besmirching my trousers. I made it, by a whisper as my arse was going like a rabbits nose as i lowered my pants. It was, in a word, GLORIOUS, like all your truly great shits rolled into one, wave after wave of excrement poured out like a fountain of fizzy gravy and I left the bathroom like a man reborn and with a spring in my step.

Gentlemen I INSISt you heed this tale and try some of these bum bullets for yourself, you will not be disapoint.

this is by far one of the greatest things i've read on this forum.

[Maery]

I have had gas all day... but very few THE FARTS

Why can't I THE FARTS??

Maybe... just MAYBE...

The Farts have YOU.

[From Blintzes to Crepes]

I had amazing THE FARTS a couple nights ago. Just laying in bed as hot silent fogs of death filled the room. At one point, Jillian started gagging and had to open the window. I also just remembered that the only farts that made ME vomit came after a night of Blackberry Kush blunts and Taco Bell.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

Farted earlier, silent for 5 seconds followed by an extremely loud 'Quack', woke the cat, terrible smell : ripper7

[Friendly Goatus]

I'm just not all that interested in reading about all of your flapping anuses

[Dr Yail Bloor]

Psot ur cocks palylist

[ThePhillyExperiment]

I must have had some bad pulled pork last night, because I just came from the toilet, and smelled like Perrier just invented pork chop water. I refuse to go into my bathroom now for the next 2 hours.

I'm going to start including my THE SHITS in this thread, too.

[\m/Johnny\m/]

Hot trumpet riffs have been blazing from my bunghole all afternoon. I did a lot of shopping today... I'm sure my THE FARTS made at least a couple strangers gag. Seafood THE FARTS are the absolute worst.

[DanBehavingBadly]

My kids went to church this afternoon to hunt eggs. I totally cropdusted the craft/snack tables and kids were blaming each other for the 'burning tires dipped in summertime dumpster' aroma.

[From Blintzes to Crepes]