Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

[Necrometer]

http://screencrush.com/50-shades-of-grey-movie/

I've never read these books, or ever will, but there needs to be more of this type of reviews on them.

to write this book, E.L. James Googled the following:

Sigmund Freud
Wikipedia: BDSM
Woody Allen phrases YouTube
Download ‘Secretary’ movie free online
What does a whip look like?
Thesaurus.com
Pizza delivery
What’s an orgasm?
Synonyms for vagina

Christian is so mysterious and emotionally distant. He doesn’t like to be touched, and he’s never had a real relationship. Obviously Anastasia is special and the only person on earth who can get him to change. The book takes place over the course of a month, and by week two she’s in love with him because she was a virgin before they had sex, and it’s fun to perpetuate negative stereotypes about people who wait to lose their virginity.

The book has been called “mommy porn,” a label that denotes that grown women can’t enjoy pornography unless it’s poorly written garbage re-purposed as more poorly written garbage. But also it makes us think our mom likes fan-fic, and I respect my mom too much to believe this.

oh dude I could go on an on about this... I have so much to say I might have to post in youtube format

my girlfriend is reading this trash (obligatory ironic detachment disclaimer) and I have taken in a decent amount of it - I just got my hands on the PDFs so I can send you guys some snippets

it's amazingly fucking retarded and just funnier than anything... it WAS initially Twilight fanfic which makes it even more hilariously stupid (GF never read any Twilight and I'm actually pointing out the connections to her )

it's sort of annoying because my GF is a sub but never really explored it with anyone before me (I'm along for the ride basically) but this fucking BOOK is sort of obnoxious because now I am going to be all self-conscious about the overlaps... dude is a COMPLETE fucking dweeb though so I'm already outclassing him since he lacks the mana to slap the shit out of or ejaculate upon faces

the funniest part is how it tries to (and succeeds in) ticking off so many suburban loser woman fantasies: everything is fucking expensive or culturally elite but described in a way that slavering white trash get it - not in a way that anyone with a brain would describe or interpret it:

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

“What?” He glances at me. He looks quizzical
in the half-light of the instruments.
“Flying,” I reply.
“It requires control and concentration… how
could I not love it? Though, my favorite is
soaring.”
“Soaring?”
“Soaring?”
“Yes. Gliding, to the layperson. Gliders and
helicopters – I fly them both.”
“Oh.” Expensive hobbies. I remember him
telling me during the interview. I like reading and
occasionally going to the movies. I am out of my
depth here.

The bath is a white stone, deep, egg-shaped
affair, very designer. Christian leans over and fills
it from the faucet on the tiled wall. He pours
some expensive-looking bath oil into the water. It
foams as the bath fills and smells of sweet sultry
Jasmine.

“Okay, what is it?”
“It’s a MacBook Pro.”
“Of course it is.” I roll my eyes.
“These aren’t available in the shops yet,
ma’am; the very latest from Apple.”
How come that does not surprise me? I sigh
heavily.

and the sex writing is a complete sham... no instances of cock or cunt or cum or anything... and the chick orgasms at the drop of a hat

there are so many problems with this book that I could go on forever

highly recommended comedy reading - it's like The Room in book format

or maybe all books are like this, the only other one I'm reading is the Dragons one

Jesus, it's even worse than I imagined it to be.

This book is being presented to right now as a daring and subversive thing for middle class women to read which is so fucking depressing.

Sweaty read 50 shades of grey, didn't get th lure. No rimming scenes

Hhahahah

The sink was black. Shiny, like one from a hotel. Beside it was a bar of soap, black, but with white too. It smelled of chocolate.

"I see you're an admirer of sinkside decor." he said.

"Part of the Twigz collection, this dish features delicate powder-coated metalwork in a twig and leaf design encasing an interior dish made from stoneware with a glossy finish."

I quivered, pinkishishly.

holy moses


He placed the skillet on the burner. Cast iron, black. The fancy kind they use at restaurants. Orville confidently poured some oil into the skillet, filling the air with an oily smell. The oil was olive, the bottle glass, and the label adorned with an olive branch. Very fancy.

Upon the clean white sofa was a big smooth pillow, grey, but with accents of color. He gazed towards it, holding a large clear glass of cold red wine. I gazed towards it as well, and with a long deep sigh I wondered if he would smoosh my face into it and call me a little piggy.

[Necrometer]

The only good thing about these books is maybe some bitches will come out and let me choke fuck them.

It's good times!

[Natas]

I wuz going to make a thread about this cause all of a sudden I hear about it everywhere. Also wife is into it

Ross as usual your threads are hard to understand at all but as always I appreciate greatly the effort you put into it.

[The Seventh Son]

[The Bill]

Knew nothing about this till right now. I've seen mention on Facebook via quick glances. I actually thought it was some R&B or Pop-Dance group. I am now both happy and sad for learning the truth. Will there be a movie? I'm sure I'll be forced to watch some of it.

[pooptastik]

wow, what a coincidence, my co-worker came to the lunch room bragging about it. she's dumb.

[DR. THRAXX]

wow, what a coincidence, my co-worker came to the lunch room bragging about it. she's dumb.

The good thing is now you can tell her how stupid she is and you might get a chance to get in that ass.

[Ray]

One of my dumbass married friends started raving about it at my house to us and how is wife is sexually fired up blah blah blah we gotta get it for our women too!... this was like 2 weeks ago and the first time I've ever heard of this bullshit.

The next day he makes a status update on his seldom-used facebook about how nice and awesome his family and life is, and I said something like "Fifty Shades of Grey still paying off eh?" and he panicked and deleted it right away Then he immediately makes a separate post on my own facebook "super uncool ray, u got me in trouble for that one" He still hasn't the decency to tell me how he got in "trouble"

Glad I could unintentionally make that bullshit backfire on his neutered married man ass... all because I simply referenced some shitty book every former-slut-now-married-to-guy-who-knocked-them-up are reading.

[Zerohero]

The bagel appeared healthy, full of multigrain, and though not as advertised had a pervasive scent of cinnemon and clove. Jessica, disrobed in the kitchen, put on a blindfold, and fucked the bagel wildly.

[Zerohero]

Martha, after dripping in sweat from slaving over the stove all day in the kitchen cuffed Joe to the stove. Without missing a beat, she pulled out the quiche from the oven, and stuffed it in his butthole and she snickered with glee and undid her blouse...

[Necrometer]

Parked outside is a red hatchback car, a twodoor
compact Audi.
“It’s for you. Happy graduation,” he murmurs,
pulling me into his arms and kissing my hair.
He’s bought me a damned car, brand new by
the looks of it. Jeez… I’ve had enough trouble
with the books. I stare at it blankly, trying
desperately to determine how I feel about this. I
am appalled on one level, grateful on another,
shocked that he’s actually done it, but the
overriding emotion is anger. Yes, I’m angry,
especially after everything I told him about the
books… but then he’d already bought this. Taking
my hand, he leads me down the path toward this
new acquisition.
“Anastasia, that Beetle of yours is old and
frankly dangerous. I would never forgive myself
if something happened to you when it’s so easy
for me to make it right,” he trails off.

when my GF and I talk about the cvnt narrator, it's pronounced Anustasia

[canon.docre]

The whole food/money fucking fantasy thing really panders to the adolescent female psyche. I remember dating this girl whose guilty pleasure books were these fucking stupid novels she got into when she was a teenager, and I picked one up and blazed through it in an hour or so. The entire thing was foodporn and never having to worry about money. I don't even remember the plot. Probably had vampires or runaways or goths or something in it.

I was initially disgusted, but then again at least she was guilty about liking it. There was a shred of fucking self-awareness there.

[takeasneededforpain]

If there's a hardcover with dust jacket, I'm switching it with Salo.

[Teebore]

I've been actively trying not to read any of this book...

Honestly though, I'm eagerly awaiting your first review.

[Foot Foot]

we can't keep these books on the shelf at my job. our copy was returned all warped, like someone dropped it in a bath tub. there were a million jokes running through my head, and they all made me puke.

[Pooeyegg]

Hmm, where are these supposed expensive looking 50's shades.

[Natas]

fifty bucks says Mochulsky already read all three.

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

I hope he posts a review

[a world of no]

heard a stupid bitch at some clinic telling a janitor about it.

noisy cunt: "ooooooh shit! ahm tellin yooou... i dinnit sleep lass night, i was reedin dat fiftay shades book! i musta read like a thousant pages of dat shit!"
shit cleaner: "what the hell?"

[Necrometer]

shit cleaner: "what the hell?"

reminds me of:

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

[Geeheeb]

well if it gets people having better sex it can't be all bad?

[Whee of the Dead]

We dont need these people breeding.

[soiled depends]

oh shit, sweaty brought this book home a couple weeks ago...

[Geeheeb]

oh shit, sweaty brought this book home a couple weeks ago...

marital arts...

[soiled depends]

I didn't even realize what this book was all about. Imagine my surprise when I got fingererd last night...

[Necrometer]

well if it gets people having better sex it can't be all bad?

true!