bidet people

[Necrometer]

𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗂𝗇 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 "𝗍𝖾𝖼𝗁𝗇𝗈𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗒" 𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄

𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖽, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝗎𝗇 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗈𝗇 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾

𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗎𝖼𝗄 𝗂𝗌 𝖺 𝖻𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗍 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗍

𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗍 𝗂𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗈𝗅𝗎𝖻𝗅𝖾

𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗈𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗍, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗍 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗈𝗅𝗏𝖾

𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗂𝗌 𝖺 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗆 𝗈𝖿 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗋𝗂𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗍

𝗂𝗍'𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖺 𝗉𝗈𝗐𝖾𝗋-𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖾𝗂𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗌𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝗅𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾

𝗂𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺 𝗂𝗌 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗐𝖾𝗍 𝗎𝗉 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗅 𝖺𝗋𝖾𝖺 𝖻𝖾𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝗂𝗉𝖾, 𝗐𝗁𝗒 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝗉𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖳𝖯 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝖺 𝖱𝖾𝖺𝗅 𝖬𝖺𝗇

𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖺𝗆 𝖨 𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾

[The Bill]

Womens use it to masto bate on the toilet.

[Toilet Fleet]

It's augmentation, not replacement

On a sciencetific level, note how the anus is wrinkled. Those wrinkles can retain far more shit particles than can be meaningfully addressed via dry wiping alone.

[cxwx]

For the touring grindcore musician

[Eight Bit Alien]

The question isn't how the technology works, that's been well understood for a long time. The tougher question is WHY water washes anything away at all - and I think the most sophisticated answer is that God wants it to.

[FVBTVS]

feels good clean man

[Toilet Fleet]

it's been a minute since I studied biochem but i'm pretty sure skin cells are moderately hydrophobic because of the orientation of lipid molecules in the cell membrane, which means that at the micro level, water and water-based solutions will be repelled from the surface

human shit is an agglomeration of substances including lipids, which tend to adhere/cohere to other lipids

introduction of water through mechanical agitation (which is why it's a jetted bidet and not a gentle soaking tub) permeates and disrupts the lipid and other hydrophobic material adhesion/cohesion to the skin. unlike ross' assertion, it is comparable to a "power-washing situation," because the mechanical force of the water exceeds the overall shit surface tension (which would be functionally nominal compared to a water stream measurable in pounds per square inch).

i frankly don't believe ross couldn't suss this out himself, and is being a bit contrary for contrariness' sake. reprehensible, really.

[Introvert]

As an experienced user, I can definitely say there is a noticeable difference in anal cleanliness and comfort when using a bidet vs. 1) wiping with toilet paper alone, 2) including some moistened toilet paper in the wiping process, or 3) even including store bought wet wipes in the wiping process. As Dr. Fleet says, I think it’s all in the pressure of the water stream. Now I can actually be a little OCD about a clean anus and I don’t believe a bidet by itself is going to do the full job. My typical bidet process is:

• Wipe with dry toilet paper
• Run bidet for 10, 15 or even 20 seconds, until it just feels right
• Wipe again with dry toilet paper

My last bidet had a dryer setting but it wasn’t a substitute for wiping. It’s been a few years since I’ve had a bidet. I may have to pick one up for my newly renovated bathroom.

[featherboa]

I'm so annoyed when I can't use the bidet.
I don't know alot about science but if you blast your butt with water there's no poo on the paper after.


> i frankly don't believe ross couldn't suss this out himself, and is being a bit contrary for contrariness' sake. reprehensible, really.

I'm right there with you. this is noncompliance

[Eight Bit Alien]

DR. LIPID STRIKES BACK

[ThePhillyExperiment]

How long does it take for your butthole to dry with a bidet? Do you use more toilet paper to dry your butthole? So then the calculation is bigger ass = more toilet paper. I don't want to walk around with wet panties. That would probably soak through my pants and make it look like I have a wet diaper. (Then people would think I either have a leaking colostomy bag or I have very runny farts.)

I'm not liking these logistics.

[Toilet Fleet]

Your particular set of questions and conclusions makes me think you're underwiping anyhow

[Necrometer]

it's been a minute since I studied biochem but i'm pretty sure skin cells are moderately hydrophobic because of the orientation of lipid molecules in the cell membrane, which means that at the micro level, water and water-based solutions will be repelled from the surface

human shit is an agglomeration of substances including lipids, which tend to adhere/cohere to other lipids

introduction of water through mechanical agitation (which is why it's a jetted bidet and not a gentle soaking tub) permeates and disrupts the lipid and other hydrophobic material adhesion/cohesion to the skin. unlike ross' assertion, it is comparable to a "power-washing situation," because the mechanical force of the water exceeds the overall shit surface tension (which would be functionally nominal compared to a water stream measurable in pounds per square inch).

i frankly don't believe ross couldn't suss this out himself, and is being a bit contrary for contrariness' sake. reprehensible, really.

I don't think the power-wash premise checks out... at all. smear shit on your hand and see if your bidet will wash it away... I really don't think it will. I completely buy the wipe/wet/wipe model - that makes plenty of sense, since we all know wet paper wipes better than dry paper. but if the bidet is actually dissolving the shit particles, won't some of them just end up on your balls? I have no idea how the dynamics work but I can't imagine the bidet water NOT hitting the balls.

on to the biochemistry part, it's a super complicated question to answer, honestly. I think about solubility (hydrophobicity & hydrophilicity) quite a lot and the question of shit's solubility is far from trivial. I'll refer you back to the dumb explanation: turds don't readily dissolve in water. but WHY that's the case... it's not straightforward to explain.

key idea: at least half the dry weight of shit is bacteria that had been living in your gut. those bacterial cells are bounded by cell membranes that should be soluble, since the hydrophobic part of the phospholipid bilayer points "inwards". but, when the cell dies, a few things can change the inherent solubility of the cell membrane. first of all, it can be disrupted, such that the greasy/sticky "interior" of the membrane is no longer buried & protected from water, which would make it more sticky. second, the proteins that decorate the surface of the cell membrane can become denatured (the same thing that happens when you cook egg), making them ultra sticky. all in all, dead cell debris is super insoluble, and hard to dissolve even in a strong detergent. for my work, I've killed countless e. coli and the resulting "pellet" of cell debris (post-centrifuge) is one of the stickiest, nastiest globs you could imagine. shit has a lot of similar characteristics. it's way more like clay (a colloid) than anything else I can think of.

in summary... despite everyone's best efforts (which I do appreciate), bidets still make very little sense to me and now I'm worried that you guys have shitty balls

[Spooky Apparition]

I don't want to overly complicate this deep dive, but maybe diet is another variable worth considering? Lot of focus on the asshole itself but the variety of what's actually coming out of the asshole has been neglected. I'd assume that some situations warrant a bidet more than others, and maybe the ardent pro-bideters are just more prone to nasty shits?

I don't know alot about science but if you blast your butt with water there's no poo on the paper after.

Maybe the bidet is just lowering poop levels to an acceptable baseline that others achieve without one though? I can confidently say there's no poop on the paper when I'm finished. or at least there's such a trace amount that I wouldn't be able to visually confirm that a bidet did a "better" job.

[Necrometer]

yeah my hippie science thread has plenty of HUSK proselytizing, and that's definitely the best way to keep things clean down there: no need to wipe in the first place if your shit is well-formed

it's not just husk - anything with a good amount of soluble fiber will do the trick: apples, oats, and (canine favorite) pumpkin

soluble fiber is the great mediator of the greasy colloid that is shit

somehow it makes loose shit firmer, and makes firm shit looser

it's like the old joke...

A soldier, a sailor and an airman were sitting together having a beer and they begin to discuss the greatest technological inventions of the modern world. "It is the laser," said the soldier, a man of obvious superior intellect. "The laser, because with it, you can determine the precise range to an enemy target, you can use it to gather important telemetry information and you can even use it for photography that is almost tri-dimensional." "No," interjected the sailor, also an intelligent person, but obviously standing in the shadow of the soldier's phenomenal mind. "It is the radar. With a radar you can track incoming aircraft and missiles, you can determine the speed of the particular vehicles that are approaching your ship and, if you use it right, you can even heat your lunch." "I disagree," said the airman, a man of, well he's an airman and all airmen are borne out of a diminishing gene pool. "The greatest invention is the thermos." "The thermos?" exclaimed the other two. "Yup, a thermos," he said. "I mean, just think about it. If you want something hot you put hot stuff in it. If you want cold, you put cold stuff in it." "Yeah, so?" quizzed the other two. "Well," said the airman, "How does it know?"

HOW DOES IT KNOW

[The Bill]

Never used one, but maybe folks here enjoy water licking and fondling their bunghole. And the concept of a clean Uranus is just a front, a scam, a Hucklebuck, to draw attention away from the fact the they’re a fan of Neptune’s kiss.

[Toilet Fleet]

smear shit

dude, you're focusing on a counterexample that necessarily increases the surface area contacting the skin as opposed to actual shitting. of course it's not the same! unless you end up with shit smeared on your ass every time you take a shit, which is 10000% a technique issue on your end

[Hunter]

I submit the "stick shift" of bidets - the bidet sprayer.



YOU control the pressure. YOU control the angle. If you spray shit everywhere, that's on you.

[Necrometer]

smear shit

dude, you're focusing on a counterexample that necessarily increases the surface area contacting the skin as opposed to actual shitting. of course it's not the same! unless you end up with shit smeared on your ass every time you take a shit, which is 10000% a technique issue on your end

fair point - the rectum seems to be somewhat non-stick, too, which is a consideration (not that I'm an expert!)

deafening silence re: shit-water on yinz' balls

[Introvert]

I’ve never had shit water on my balls after using a bidet. Ross, this is absolutely one of those things in life that you can’t question or criticize until you have some research based on experience.

[Eight Bit Alien]

I submit the "stick shift" of bidets - the bidet sprayer.



YOU control the pressure. YOU control the angle. If you spray shit everywhere, that's on you.

If I went into someone's bathroom and saw this I would tear it out of the wall and throw it, as though I'd been caught off guard by a venomous snake

[Geeheeb]

Just spitballin' here, so please correct me if I'm wrong:

Inside your digestive tract you have hydrophobic mucosal and hydrophilic mucus acting as a lubricant, right? The bidet target (anus) is a transitional zone between the colon and the exterior (butt)

Regardless of the characteristics of the stool (which can vary widely), the anus still has some amount of mucus secretion of its own, and some mucus is "brought along" by the stool during passage. Don't think about the bidet water solubilizing the stool itself, but more like the mucus on the anus which allows the stool to be washed away.

One analogy I can think of would be coating your hands with oil when working with dough. Not so sure that is the best analogy because I'm vegan and mostly gluten free since you asked.

[Eight Bit Alien]

[THE KILL]

Ross, I hate to be rude here but this is a clear case of shut the fuck up you don't know what you're talking about if you haven't tried it yourself. Bidets are awesome and no one who's tried them wants to go back to wiping.

[Zerohero]

if you have a healthy diet it should wash off.... lay off those super glue fritters.

Sincerely,
HH Hadaroney, Ph.D. in the Butthole sciences