Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

Music posts are a bannable offense.
Post Reply
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

Lol, outsourced.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

My boss started singing Champagne Supernova today. I asked him if he had read Glamorama.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

There’s a phone in a guys locker in the brake room that will go off and play five sounds at once like three alarm noises farm animals sounds and explosions. It will ring for ten minutes.

I caught the kid and told him.

“It can’t be me because my phone is on do not disturb”

“——okay, your alarm is set to make a whole bunch of noises at once?”

“Yeah”

“Okay it’s your phone then”

“I don’t think so”
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
featherboa
Midget Fucker
Posts: 6202
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:17 pm

I never have dumb things to hear anymore because I work with only 4 people and they're all reasonable adults.
But I'm we're in a co-working space type of thing, and a new company moved in in the room next door. It's just one guy, and he's usually playing ac/dc or aerosmith, at a low level, but still through speakers, at the co-working space.

Anyways I was here kind of late and everyone else was gone but him and he starts BLASTING fucking black hole sun won't you come. And his wife shows up and I can hear her kind of whispering to him to turn it down, he's bothering everyone. And he says There's no one here, IT'S A GOOD SONG. I'm not mad, just disappointed.
Next song was GOO GOO DOLLS NAME
I went home before I could find out what was next.
i cut my hand at work and just let it drip on my desk during a conference call -copstache
probably some punk broth - tvbfvs
dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs -eba
it's been hard to find the focus necessary with all the racket my wife & her boyfriend have been making -necro-meter
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

featherboa wrote: Wed Oct 16, 2019 10:54 am I'm not mad, just disappointed.
You were looking forward to that day.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
featherboa
Midget Fucker
Posts: 6202
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:17 pm

It's like teh audio abom thread, but in real life
i cut my hand at work and just let it drip on my desk during a conference call -copstache
probably some punk broth - tvbfvs
dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs -eba
it's been hard to find the focus necessary with all the racket my wife & her boyfriend have been making -necro-meter
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

The next time that happens you should crank up some Brainbombs, some of their stuff where you can easily understand the lyrics. He’d probably enjoy the music until the singing kicks in.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

That reminds me I was in a cab a few months ago and the driver was cranking the Superunknown album. I’m not saying I don’t like hearing “Mail Man” at high volumes. Just seemed rather obnoxious.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
User avatar
Geeheeb
Shit Stadium 4000
Posts: 23956
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 9:18 am
Location: Lansing, MI
Contact:

i_listen_to_noise_motherfucker.jpeg
FVBTVS wrote: Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:04 pmfrom enslavement to obliteration is older than abbey road
featherboa
Midget Fucker
Posts: 6202
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:17 pm

Image
i cut my hand at work and just let it drip on my desk during a conference call -copstache
probably some punk broth - tvbfvs
dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs -eba
it's been hard to find the focus necessary with all the racket my wife & her boyfriend have been making -necro-meter
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

“So I woke up and my phone was at 13% then it went down to 9% then I charged it in my car and it went up to 18% then went down to 5% and now I was able to charge it up to 22%. All because I forgot to charge it last night!!”
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

A woman at work is a recovering drug addict so she lives in a halfway house with 15 other girls. They want to kick her out for leaving the toilet seat ..... down????
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

“You should cut your hair to look more presentable”

Said by person with a tattoo on their hand that reads “bad luck”.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
User avatar
White Like Jesus
How's them beans, ma?
Posts: 3273
Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2007 12:48 pm
Location: Winnipeg

There's a lady who absolutely will not use a cuss word, ever. In fact, she constantly replaces "Oh, shit!" with "Oh, sugar!" It's taking years off of my life.
User avatar
Geeheeb
Shit Stadium 4000
Posts: 23956
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 9:18 am
Location: Lansing, MI
Contact:

perfect
featherboa wrote: Wed Oct 16, 2019 6:37 pm Image
FVBTVS wrote: Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:04 pmfrom enslavement to obliteration is older than abbey road
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

Site director is playing acoustic guitar in his office and singing in a neo folk/ soul voice.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

Being told the day before my week end that our days off are being changed.

Being called on my day off to be told that the last minute change that I had no choice but to agree to had been postponed and the day off I thought I had was now a work day again.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
User avatar
MeatGrease
[citation needed]
Posts: 3355
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:08 pm
Location: Maniac Neil's Couch

cxwx wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2020 5:12 pm Being told the day before my week end that our days off are being changed.

Being called on my day off to be told that the last minute change that I had no choice but to agree to had been postponed and the day off I thought I had was now a work day again.
Why do you people always call at dinner time?
Warning: this post may contain plagiarized text or language, some which may be above the poster's reading level.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

MeatGrease wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2020 7:38 pm
cxwx wrote: Mon Jan 06, 2020 5:12 pm Being told the day before my week end that our days off are being changed.

Being called on my day off to be told that the last minute change that I had no choice but to agree to had been postponed and the day off I thought I had was now a work day again.
Why do you people always call at dinner time?
I was actually about to get drunk before they called me
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

Someone stole my Contigo mug.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
User avatar
hipster holocaust
Sweet Lord _______
Posts: 18107
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 12:15 pm
Location: Fart og

Holiday bonuses won't be coming until February
Chad wrote: Sun Dec 27, 2020 12:07 pm I'm not a fascist, I follow a bunch of Japanese rabbit owners on Twitter bc rabbits are cute
cxwx
clown shaped void that used to be a human being
Posts: 4480
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:17 pm

Some chic was slouching real bad and had her legs wide with her feet hanging out in the walking path. I was tempted to tell her she was man spreading but didn’t think that would have gone over too well.
We apologize if our activities caused anyone to die.
User avatar
kevin hash
I like to smell things.
Posts: 1650
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:09 pm
Location: atlanta georgia

cxwx wrote: Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:25 pm A woman at work is a recovering drug addict so she lives in a halfway house with 15 other girls. They want to kick her out for leaving the toilet seat ..... down????
Do you want to eat her asshole?

Maybe she can move in with you and you can use her poop chute for rent.
TROLL WORLD ORDER 4 LIFE

:invcross: BUNGVOX got powerbombed off the stage because he wasn't T.W.O 4 LIFE brother. :invcross:

my hound dog's dump still hot - zerohero
User avatar
kevin hash
I like to smell things.
Posts: 1650
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:09 pm
Location: atlanta georgia

cxwx wrote: Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:25 pm A woman at work is a recovering drug addict so she lives in a halfway house with 15 other girls. They want to kick her out for leaving the toilet seat ..... down????
Do you want to eat her asshole?

Maybe she can move in with you and you can use her poop chute for rent.
TROLL WORLD ORDER 4 LIFE

:invcross: BUNGVOX got powerbombed off the stage because he wasn't T.W.O 4 LIFE brother. :invcross:

my hound dog's dump still hot - zerohero
User avatar
kevin hash
I like to smell things.
Posts: 1650
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:09 pm
Location: atlanta georgia

cxwx wrote: Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:25 pm A woman at work is a recovering drug addict so she lives in a halfway house with 15 other girls. They want to kick her out for leaving the toilet seat ..... down????
Would you eat her asshole?

Have her move in with you and she can give you head on command.
TROLL WORLD ORDER 4 LIFE

:invcross: BUNGVOX got powerbombed off the stage because he wasn't T.W.O 4 LIFE brother. :invcross:

my hound dog's dump still hot - zerohero
Post Reply