shittiest album on Metal Archives with the best reviews ?

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Necrometer
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I've seen this Carach Angren band (geniuses behind my sig gif) open up for more than one band now, and I became convinced that they must have a powerful djinn for a booking agent, but being ever parsimonious and skeptical, I decided to see what the Internet in General thought of these jokers. and they are not only not hated, but somehow they're appreciated/respected. to me, this sounds like reheated Cradle of Filth, but people act like it's actually worth a damn?

here's the album that inspired this question - it's got a 91% on MA with 17 reviews:

i thought maybe the reviews were written by russian troll-bots, but the accounts have plenty of other reviews between them, and only a few are consistently giving out glowing scores.

so I propose a challenge: what is the shittiest record with a 90% or better on MA? all entries are welcome, but ideally there should be >10 reviews, since that's around when popularity-based backlash seems to kick in.
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?
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kevin hash
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Helluva challenge.

My guess is some album by mushroomhead
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If you wanna discuss authentic delta blues, you should definitely check out Blueshammer.
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
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BUNGVOX wrote:i don't want metallica to shit their pants. i want metallica to shit MY pants.
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kevin hash wrote: ↑Sat Sep 25, 2021 8:15 pmMy guess is some album by mushroomhead
not even permitted on MA because they’re too false 🚨
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spacehamster
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The obvious answer would be the entire Beherit catalog.
storm shadow wrote:This is what happens when people use the internet to get through adolescence, instead of drugs and heavy metal.
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kevin hash
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Beherit is shitty but kinda fun shitty.

All albums after Drawing Down The Moon are pure trash.
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I'm just saying the first time I felt like Metal wasn't really for me anymore was when I noticed a bunch of Americans on the interwebs splooging all over early Beherit because they thought it was some obscure gem that they could score 88 KVLT points a minute with when really they were just these completely incompetent morons that everyone laughed at back in the day because they famously showed up in the studio not knowing how to tune their guitars. I can't imagine anything post-DDtM only exists because of these chodes. But let's not relitigate that. It's just kinda something that proves something for me.
storm shadow wrote:This is what happens when people use the internet to get through adolescence, instead of drugs and heavy metal.
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I couldn't think of a single thing to add to this thread, but reading all that made me think of Vlad Tepes immediately. Then I checked and they really don't have anything UNLISTENABLE with stellar reviews on MA.

The proper winner of this thread has to be some absolute dogshit recording of Danish retards screaming about nothing, but they have some imfamous kvlt reputation (murdered a bank teller for Himmler or something) which granted them scene credibility. I can't think of who, but that's gotta be the recipe.
Zerohero wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:59 am cleaning out old stuff in the freezer--- old slice of leftover pizza..boom eaten back to life
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This has a 95%, but I really don't hate it. Something neighboring this would be the perfect candidate, I think.
Zerohero wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:59 am cleaning out old stuff in the freezer--- old slice of leftover pizza..boom eaten back to life
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Perenially punching bag Rumpelstiltskin Grinder somewhat fits the bill here punching waaaay above their weight with those review scores:

https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Ru ... nder/27693

I realize that is a cheap shot and will have to give this some actual though.
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kevin hash
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Eight Bit Alien wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 11:44 am

This has a 95%, but I really don't hate it. Something neighboring this would be the perfect candidate, I think.
Love vlad Teepees
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kevin hash
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I saw what one of the dudes from that band....he looks like a total dad.

Should have stayed hidden. Cred blown.
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burzum

hehe
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featherboa wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 5:25 pm burzum

hehe
Post-prison theres absolutely no argument, that shit is fucking retarded.

early stuff I will definitely go to bat for, artistically valid
Zerohero wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:59 am cleaning out old stuff in the freezer--- old slice of leftover pizza..boom eaten back to life
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kevin hash
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Eight Bit Alien wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 5:48 pm
featherboa wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 5:25 pm burzum

hehe
Post-prison theres absolutely no argument, that shit is fucking retarded.

early stuff I will definitely go to bat for, artistically valid
The fact that he's put out as much shit as he has since prison pretty much negates any greatness he had generated during the stabby burny years.
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kevin hash wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 11:05 am Beherit is shitty but kinda fun shitty.

All albums after Drawing Down The Moon are pure trash.
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I assumed FFDP but they're apparently too false.
Never knew this site did ratings.
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Five Finger Burzum Bunz.
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Eight Bit Alien wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 5:48 pm
featherboa wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 5:25 pm burzum

hehe
Post-prison theres absolutely no argument, that shit is fucking retarded.

early stuff I will definitely go to bat for, artistically valid
Both Fallen and Belus are great.
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Eight Bit Alien
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I have friends who say the same, I suppose I am a grouch.
Zerohero wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:59 am cleaning out old stuff in the freezer--- old slice of leftover pizza..boom eaten back to life
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.
Last edited by Zerohero on Wed Sep 29, 2021 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
LordDarksoul wrote:Thanks for the concern, Fucktractor.
BUNGVOX wrote:i don't want metallica to shit their pants. i want metallica to shit MY pants.
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Zerohero wrote: ↑Wed Sep 29, 2021 5:10 pm
spacehamster wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 11:26 am I'm just saying the first time I felt like Metal wasn't really for me anymore was when I noticed a bunch of Americans on the interwebs splooging all over early Beherit because they thought it was some obscure gem that they could score 88 KVLT points a minute with when really they were just these completely incompetent morons that everyone laughed at back in the day because they famously showed up in the studio not knowing how to tune their guitars. I can't imagine anything post-DDtM only exists because of these chodes. But let's not relitigate that. It's just kinda something that proves something for me.
that's awesome, in a way its one upping godfathers of can't really play Venom, who didn't tune to pitch, they just tuned to mantis who had tuned by ear to a old kiss record at home he was throwing shapes to and jumping on his race car bed... before showing up to record. :invcross:
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
LordDarksoul wrote:Thanks for the concern, Fucktractor.
BUNGVOX wrote:i don't want metallica to shit their pants. i want metallica to shit MY pants.
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spacehamster wrote: ↑Mon Sep 27, 2021 11:26 am I'm just saying the first time I felt like Metal wasn't really for me anymore was when I noticed a bunch of Americans on the interwebs splooging all over early Beherit because they thought it was some obscure gem that they could score 88 KVLT points a minute with when really they were just these completely incompetent morons that everyone laughed at back in the day because they famously showed up in the studio not knowing how to tune their guitars. I can't imagine anything post-DDtM only exists because of these chodes. But let's not relitigate that. It's just kinda something that proves something for me.
They were doing something new and you Euro snobs just can't handle it. I'd rather listen to DDtM than any of the limp wristed metal that dribbles out of Europe these days.

But....everything post DDtM is totally not Beherit. Totally weak.

No sodomatic slaughter no beherit.

Goat Vulva is the greatest band to ever come out of Europe.
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kevin hash wrote: ↑Wed Sep 29, 2021 6:53 pm
They were doing something new
:lol: :lol: :lol:
storm shadow wrote:This is what happens when people use the internet to get through adolescence, instead of drugs and heavy metal.
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