TIME TO TAKE A SHIT.

Music posts are a bannable offense.
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WeeBeeNuDuce
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kevin hash wrote: Fri Feb 08, 2019 6:10 pm
I anticipate 2 wipes here.
What was the final score?

I find the red-label Charmin is like wiping your turd cutter with a beach towel...
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kevin hash
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2.

I'm not a toilet paper connoisseur.
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kevin hash
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5:10pm

Kicking the weekend off with a hot shit.

Almost didn't make it. Had 2 juicy farts before i raced into the bathroom.

No time for sounds and blow by blow. It was coming out before my sweaty buns hit the toilet seat.

Juice explosion followed up with a thick soft serve log of particle board. A few pokey bits sliding out the butt lips.

Fucking reeks like rotten meat. Coffee never fails to be the sexy laxative.

Now im sitting here letting brief chunks ease out. The weekend is off to a mighty fine start.

Fuckin needed this one.
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kevin hash
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6:48

Well so much for going to lowes.

Ugghhhhhhh

Hard push with small groany fart. Here comes the dinner corpses.

Glacial pace. Shit has yet to hit water. I blame cheese for this.

Chunks are gradually plopping in. There goes that golf ball i ate.

Ploop. Plop. I mean it is a shit but i am a way bigger fan of the long coffee fueled mud slide butthole stretchers than these popcorn chicken poops that you have to kinda work for.
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WeeBeeNuDuce
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8:34pm

Half of a black olive pizza and two diet lemon Snapples later and I’m doing the shitpants dance as I rush to the nearest deuce closet…

Time to throw down some brown, mang!!!

UNGFH???

Barely get my legs around the commode before a series of hot sloppies come barreling out of my chili shoot, backsplashing turd water on my nuts and thighs.

Shaking, I drop my phone into my Hanes. The sound of giggling hippoes reverberates off the porcelain while I sit in shock, wonder where it all went wrong.

Then, a ray of light shines through the window, illuminating the poop particles that fill the air like some kind of third world rainbow…

I’ve sent a lot of hobbits to Isengard in my day, but never have I fought so many angry dwarves along the way.

Ronald McBlumpkin
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that one was beautiful sir
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hipster holocaust
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WeeBeeNuDuce wrote: Sat Mar 09, 2019 9:13 pm The sound of giggling hippoes
:moreawesome:
Chad wrote: Sun Dec 27, 2020 12:07 pm I'm not a fascist, I follow a bunch of Japanese rabbit owners on Twitter bc rabbits are cute
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kevin hash
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I feel some turds bumping up against the back door. Not quite ready to unleash just yet. 5pm will be shit o'clock.

The potential of hot reeking poop makes the pre cum drip out the dick.
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kevin hash
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4:58pm

Warning farts smelled like stale pringles that means it's time for poo poo.

Ugvjhhhhjhhhhh

Fat girthy turd exits with ease. Nice and wet. Butthole sweat makes for killer slip n slide action.

They should make a waterpark that looks like intestines. You slide down until you splash into a big toilet bowl.

Jeff walker could show up for the ribbon cutting ceremony.

No smell. Curious.
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kevin hash
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5:47pm.

Holding it in.....feels so good. Knowing i can let it drop anytime i want. Clenching it.

Release.

Unngmgngghh.

Bulbous turd exits with ease. I can hear the smacking moisture sound.

My dog is watching.....getting jealous of what i can do.

Still a little bit of turdage lodged up my ass. A wad of bubble gum is hanging on my asshole. Satisfaction reigns.

My new bathroom is a blue hued heaven for professional shit dumpers.

Ooh i think a little more is about to come out. The lack of smell is weird. I might have to huff my toilet paper after i wipe.
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featherboa
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Guis,

I pooped my pants today

I came home for lunch which I don't often do and I was standing in front of my bathroom sink.
Somehow what presented itself as an everyday fart was actually... not
How can your body betray you at something you've done millions of times? Alex Honnold hasn't sharted as an adult and it shows.
Took a shower and went back to work.

afraid to fart
life ruined
i cut my hand at work and just let it drip on my desk during a conference call -copstache
probably some punk broth - tvbfvs
dames are lousy now mah i gotta bop peckahs -eba
it's been hard to find the focus necessary with all the racket my wife & her boyfriend have been making -necro-meter
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kevin hash
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2:23pm

Have you ever cleaned your toilet then the urge hits?

Unngjhjhhhb

Huge greasy barrel shaped shit falls out effortlessly followed up some crumbles and maybe a little poop oil.

The stink is definitely there.

Think i got a little more in there. Yep. Small chunk bloops out.

Saturday....ripped a fart....think it was the 4th of july.
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WeeBeeNuDuce
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10:17pm

A heapin’ of fettuccine with steamed broccoli has had me running back and forth to the poop library and busting ghosts all day.

I saddle up to the loo and a whip-fast combo of heaty cracklers immediately fogs up the bathroom mirror with the spirits of dinners past...

I ain’t afraid of no ghost!

I close my eyes and make the sign of the cross...

UNGfhhh.....?????!!

I don’t even get a chance to finish the grunt before I’m cranking out a tail piece thats touching the back of the pipe!!!

Mid-push, a sneaky butt sneeze levitates my cheeks a few inches off the seat, plopping this girthy steamer against the porcelain to retreat deep into the watery abyss.

The room smells like a mixture of butt and bread and butt.

The dog yelps and whines and starts pawing furiously at the barn door. A whiff of sulfur and flicker of match-light. The winds howl with grief, parting the leaves of the trees outside and letting rays of moonlight dance across the tile.

I’ve hunted a lot of spooks in my day but never have I left feeling so haunted by the skiddy evidence of what lies now in the great beyond.

Winston B. Shittemore
Last edited by WeeBeeNuDuce on Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
WeeBeeNuDuce
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featherboa wrote: Wed Mar 20, 2019 7:08 pm
afraid to fart
Losin’ is just a part of gamblin’ brother.

Pull your pants up and get back to work.
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kevin hash
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10:58pm

This one is coming on strong. Farts smell like stale potato chips.

Ufhghhhhhh braaap....log exits. Fat wet cylinder. Smacky wet sound.

Push out another chunk of bubblegum. My butt lips kinda sizzle a little bit.

Lean back and push. A dumpling plops out.

Bloop.

Now as i sit here sauteeing in the fumes. I'm formulating a bedtime beat off sesh. Gonna cum all up in my panties and dream of the next shit.

Crapper john MD.
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WeeBeeNuDuce
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7:19am

Couple bowls of turkey chili for breakfast and I’ve been giving myself a Tijuana back massage in my special chair and enjoying the free heating ever since...

Uh-oh. That last fart was more like a sneeze. Start running to the Facebook closet but cut to the blooper reel half-way down the hallway....

Time to crack open some ass!!!

UUUUU...????

The fast and loosies come barreling out before my buns even hit the seat. Somehow Siri switches on and starts shopping for bowling shoes while I yell back and fart in unison.

The wife knocks on the door and asks if I need a priest. Don’t even get a chance to gather a response before blowing another round of butt that shrieks like a mad crane and fills the air with the smell of burnt hotdogs.

Reach over for some Charmin and only find an empty cardboard roll. End up wiping with half a box of Kleenex and wondering what I did in a past live to deserve this.

I’ve pushed a lot of rope in my day but never have I been left hanging in quite this way...

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Jimm O' Lation
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retards
WeeBeeNuDuce
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Jimm O' Lation wrote: Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:40 am retards
“Reach over for some Charmin and only find an empty cardboard roll. End up wiping with half a box of Kleenex and wondering what I did in a past live to deserve this”

So, basically how your mother felt on your birthday?

Get to crapping or get your faggot ass out of the conversation, for fuck’s sake...
Jimm O' Lation
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Jimm O' Lation wrote: Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:40 am retards
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kevin hash
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5:20pm.

Raced home after a long day of ripping humiliating egg farts from my office.

Underwear down....ugjgggghfffff.

Soft serve exits my ass with ease. The smell is pure and fumey.

Butthole is contracting and spitting out little droplets of chocolate mist.

Fucking egg mirage in here.

Drip drop plop. My asshole is burning. It has to be the coffee and mcdonalds hashbrowns and sausage burritos. Their hot sauce is pretty tough.
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i shat during an earthquake this morning. ruled hard
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kevin hash
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10:55am.

Today is the 5th of july. I was in my office trying to hold it back. This fucker wouldn't wait. Let the fireworks begin.

Ughfjjjhvkfkckckvkvk.

Effortless girthy turd ejaculates out my ass pipe. Smells like hot garbage. I wish i could measure the speed which this monster flew out....had to be at least 55mph.

I want to shit during an earthquake. This is a new frontier. Shit goals to aspire to.
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hipster holocaust
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ghost boner wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 11:27 am i shat during an earthquake this morning. ruled hard
That sounds scary as fuck but I guess you were at the right place for it
Chad wrote: Sun Dec 27, 2020 12:07 pm I'm not a fascist, I follow a bunch of Japanese rabbit owners on Twitter bc rabbits are cute
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also for that one andrea was on the toilet too. then the next big one was my friend at my house taking a shit too. theres got to be something to this
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Necrometer
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hahaha that's so great

I'm glad I remembered to post in this thread before the board was deleted

like a week ago I must have taken the world's smallest shit. it was a single particle, definitely shit, but the turn was insanely small. smaller than a chickpea. smaller than a pea. like the size of a typical nerds candy. I was amazed. my gut soon overcompensated in the other direction, though: within a few days I was wiping more red than brown :cry:
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good thing I'll be dead soon, cause I'm tired of liars winning
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