Tell a buttfuck story in the style of a member of Ratt

[kevin hash]

So we just got off stage at the troubadour and this chick caught my attention. She was hollering for me to come over. I noticed she was looking good....real fine.....a real pussycat. I pushed past Warren and Bobby....who were both going whoa dude....check that babe out. I go over....she starts yelling in my ear about how we rocked and how she wanted to lick my leather pants or something like that. I grabbed her by the hand and took her out to the bus. She wanted me up her asshole. I obliged her like the true gentleman that I am. I could hear the boys coming back to the bus with a bunch of chicks. I hear one of them say something like ewww I smell pooooop.

-Stephen Pearcy 1984

[MPD]

MR MISTER LOOKS ON WITH SCORN.

Loverboy flinches...

[kevin hash]

We had just pulled up to the hotel in tokyo.....the Marriott or something. The manager got us checked in. We were heading up to our rooms....me and blotz were gonna share a room with one of the techs. One of the housekeepers was finishing up with a room. We exchanged glances and I ended up grabbing her. I don't know what came over me. I pulled her into the room she was going to clean. We got to uh.....getting to know each other.....then next thing you know I am sinking my manhood into her ass. She was so hot.....we ended up hanging out for a few nights while we were in Japan. Dirt road everytime.

-Robbin Crosby 1987

[Eight Bit Alien]

I knew right from the beginning
Your puke would end up dripping
I knew right from the start
Your lunch and breakfast
Would depart

Up and down
You're huffing dong too quickly
Just give it time

Up and down
You're gagging and you're spitting
Ill tell you why, why

[Zerohero]

If you thought all the tail we got in the 80s dried up, you'd be wrong because we had the same broads 25 years older, same hairdos, but with some major stretchmarks above the prime snatch meridian. Could tell you kids about 16 cunttales from that short tour, but we'll keep this on topic about buttfucking. Buttfucking is a little less common for Ratt-moms, even after six bud lights and 5 shots of tequilla rose. After playing a show in Cheektowaga NY at Rock n Roll Heaven..a club located in a plaza that sliced up and old Hills and made it into venue for mainly just us and krokus, a couple of laydees wanted to chat it up outside our tour bus but it was fucking freezing so invited them onboard. One of them asked to use the bus toilet, which is kind of a no no when in park, but she winked her eye and also asked me to show her the way. before we even got that far she jammed her hand down the front of my stinky as fuck leather pants. As you know from reading my books, touring and leather pants make a condition known as "gig butt". And this was far from an early tour date, plus it was after a show. I figured fuck it lady how'd you like it if I just stuffed my mitt down your pants..so I did. I sort of overshot and wound up ramming a finger in her butt and she went oW... I slid my paw out and off she went in a huff. That counts for your topic, amirite?


Jizzy Pearl - (Ratt Touring vocalist only never on a record 2001)

[kevin hash]

We were in....fuck.....I think mobile Alabama....i was signing this chicks tits.....massive....serious melons. She said she had fantasized about me screwing her backstage hundreds of times. I said well let's make that happen sugar. Things were getting hot n heavy and I was about to put my johnson in and then she stops me....I'm like what the fuck? She the turns around and says put in my butt. So me being the loyal soldier I am I start.....laying that pipe. One of many great nights down south....oooh that hospitality.

-juan croucier 1988

[Eight Bit Alien]

If you thought all the tail we got in the 80s dried up, you'd be wrong because we had the same broads 25 years older, same hairdos, but with some major stretchmarks above the prime snatch meridian. Could tell you kids about 16 cunttales from that short tour, but we'll keep this on topic about buttfucking. Buttfucking is a little less common for Ratt-moms, even after six bud lights and 5 shots of tequilla rose. After playing a show in Cheektowaga NY at Rock n Roll Heaven..a club located in a plaza that sliced up and old Hills and made it into venue for mainly just us and krokus, a couple of laydees wanted to chat it up outside our tour bus but it was fucking freezing so invited them onboard. One of them asked to use the bus toilet, which is kind of a no no when in park, but she winked her eye and also asked me to show her the way. before we even got that far she jammed her hand down the front of my stinky as fuck leather pants. As you know from reading my books, touring and leather pants make a condition known as "gig butt". And this was far from an early tour date, plus it was after a show. I figured fuck it lady how'd you like it if I just stuffed my mitt down your pants..so I did. I sort of overshot and wound up ramming a finger in her butt and she went oW... I slid my paw out and off she went in a huff. That counts for your topic, amirite?


Jizzy Pearl - (Ratt Touring vocalist only never on a record 2001)

this is just straight up earnest historical fiction starring Ratt

[kevin hash]

I had just gotten done snorting a line of some really primo Peruvian marching powder.....I was in the zone man......we had been partying since before the gig.....think we were in.....Dallas or Fort worth....somewhere in Texas thats all I know. Which is ironic since we had just run into the dudes in WASP the night before. Chris Holmes man.....huge dick......don't ask. This chick comes up behind me and slaps my ass and says something like hey you got any blow for me?.....I told her sure if she gives me a lil something in return.....nothing is free baby. Found out later it was that porno chick....whats her name....sedona....silverado.....[Warren shouts across the dressing room SAVANNAH!]....oh yeah savannah.......she smelled nice. Her ass felt great.... no I don't remember if I finished.

-bobby blotzer 1987

[kevin hash]

I woke up hungry as fuck....I think it was 3 in the morning.....we were at spirit mountain casino.....pretty decent gig that night. I woke up and was going to head downstairs to see about scoring something to eat.....walked past the room where Juan was at.....I figure ill check in and see if he wants to join me.....I knock a few times....nothing. so I say fuck it and get in the elevator. There were a couple chicks on the elevator when I got on. They must have been at the gig because they said "oh my God you guys were so good tonight we had a blast." They were both kinda fat so it wasn't really my thing so I say "hey cool glad you liked it." One of the chicks.... and I couldn't believe this.....she says "will you fuck me in the ass?" Her friend is totally shocked and she says "heather stop it." I said no thanks but I told her where Stephen's room was. I bid them a fond farewell and got off the elevator. I should have done it but I really wanted a hamburger.

-jordan ziff 2018

[hipster holocaust]

Was Ratt always one of those terrible start-to-finish bands?

[kevin hash]

Yeah I fucked her in the ass......who wouldn't have. Her ass was perfect in that leather skirt.....there was no getting past it.....She was there I was there....the guys were off doing their own thing with whichever chicks showed up......definitely a naughty time..... hope all is well with you Tanya or Heather or whatever your name is. Girls like to party in Milwaukee.....no denying it.

-Juan Croucier 1986

[kevin hash]

Was Ratt always one of those terrible start-to-finish bands?

No. That honor goes to Poison.

Ratt had the songs and the edge.

[hipster holocaust]

Something tells me they were not straight edge

[the awesome Assassin]

Something tells me they were not straight edge

Robbinson Lantz Crosby, gave Bungvox aids...

[Zerohero]

Was Ratt always one of those terrible start-to-finish bands?

No. That honor goes to Poison.

Ratt had the songs and the edge.

You won't see me bashing ratt, solid memorable songs,professonal musicians... suffered a bit from over production moving past those fun first couple releases late 80s (but shit so did priest and maiden at that time) but solid professionally musicianship, and not much posering for a corporate hard rock band. Dokken similar trajectory, though they did get caught up more in the poofer look thing and became laughable.

Poison on the other hand, I had to slink out of a show with some girl that excitedly "HEY I WON TIX TO THE HOT ROCK SHOW WILLYOU GO", just to make sure that won't go on my permantent when Cronus checks my ciriculum vitae as doorman to the gates of hell. I did suffer through Damn Yankees same show just to hear tommy show riff on styx renegade.

I bet ted nugent stuck his wang dang in some dirty butts in his time...at bare minimum I'm sure he got hard and buttfucked a fell deer.

[hipster holocaust]

I had to slink out of a show with some girl that excitedly "HEY I WON TIX TO THE HOT ROCK SHOW WILLYOU GO", just to make sure that won't go on my permantent when Cronus checks my ciriculum vitae as doorman to the gates of hell. I did suffer through Damn Yankees same show just to hear tommy show riff on styx renegade.

I’m sorry, I had to reread this a few times since I thought this was a thread about buttfucking.

[kevin hash]

Something tells me they were not straight edge

Goddamn....what if Ratt were straight edge?

Would they have even had songs?

[kevin hash]

Straight edge man

Well, drug dealer, with crossed eyes
You cross me, you realize you're-
You're not sober you  dont feel
You make a move, I'll make you feel like a
Human target, in my eyes
I've got you, X'd, in my sights
And on your skull, we will bang
Our skate decks, from this straight edge gang

'Cause I'm a straight edge man
'Cause I'm a, a straight edge man

Well, show booker you think twice
Are the bands fast, live clean lives
No drinking whiskey, no drugs tonight
I'll put an end, to this here fight it's an
All ager for human rights
Merch tables well in my sights
And I'll say no to dope bags
Skate in the streets with a straight edge gang

It's really what you wanna be
A straight edge man