Write the next conservative hit song

[Eight Bit Alien]

I'm not racist (stay where you belong)
By Hatch Crawning

I've a tale to tell, so come gather round
Crack-smoking monkey riot done burned up the town
They burned up Atlanta, then they burned up Savannah
Monkeys with matches and liquor and ammo

They think law and order's just a show on tv
Well I'll tell you that one thing remains to be seen
If you try that in my town, ive got just one question
You fellers run fast - but can you beat Smith & Wesson?

I'm not racist
I'm not racist, lord
I'm not racist
I'm not racist, lord
I'm not racist
I'm not racist, lord
I'm not racist
I'm not racist, lord

If you riot in my town, I'll shoot you to death
I'll run you all over, I'll step on your neck
If you crack-smoking monkeys come steal my tv
I'll tie rope round your throat from the top of a tree

I'll kill you if you come to where I live
I'll kill you if you come to where I live

I'm not racist
I'm not racist, lord
I'm not racist
I'm not racist, lord

I'll murder you if I see you anywhere near my home

[spacehamster]

You can't set the bar this high when you start a thread like this. I'll see if I can come up with something about havin' a weener and not bein' confused or something, but I doubt I can top that. Well played, sir.

[ghost boner]

bravo, sir! my friend and i were going to legit write and record some nu country shit like this to make money but of course it got too ridiculous to be believable. anyway, the one song title i remember was his "god is just a big pickup truck in the sky" but most words involved beer, whisky, your woman and a truck. sometimes a dog

[featherboa]

noice

[Necrophilic Mallard]

ive got just one question
You fellers run fast - but can you beat Smith & Wesson?

[The Bill]

“Why even cut off your dick to get a pussy, you already are one”

Then guitar and banjo solos. I don’t know. I like orchestra music.

[cxwx]

If you forgive my gold chains

I'll forget the iron chains



... oh wait.

[kevin hash]

NOW MORE THAN EVER

Bring me your tired and poor
To these beautiful lands
Full of antifa drag queens
Trying to replace the workin man
another factory closes
dollar tree up in flames
fooled by fauci and his virus
Another liberal game
where does it stop
How far will it go
Ashamed to be American
It's china's new show
Turn on the TV
Listen to what they say
We'll be replaced by robots
If the fags have their way

Let's go Brandon
Let the eagle fly high!!

Standing together to save the USA
from the invasion of an agenda gone astray
Time to bear arms in the grocery store
Load up our trucks and let's roll
No more rainbow lies
Cut the rainbow ties
The Don is coming back
We need him now more than ever

Blah blah blah.....

Thus exercise pisses me off.

[Eight Bit Alien]

[Eight Bit Alien]

I'm writing new verses to "the highwayman" by the highwaymen

I was a conquistador
Across the andes I did stroll
To find that mythic injun gold
I will impose my faith on others if I can
You were lazy, now you have no fucking hands
I died from flatworms that all hatched inside my brain
But I'll be back again

I'll always be around and around and around

[Eight Bit Alien]

I was a veteran
I shot my way all through Iraq
Civilian life I could not hack
I blew my brains out in a Walmart parking lot
My ghost haunts housewares, I will spook you if you're caught
But I'll be back again
Support Ukraine, Support Ukraine,
Support Ukraine, Support Ukraine...

[Eight Bit Alien]

I was a proud boy
Loud western chauvinist i was
But now I'm not proud, because
I cracked my skull on the library parking lot
I hoped we'd stop the trannies, we did not
They kept on reading on the very next sunday
Does dying make me gay?
Im not gay
Im not gay
I wasn't gay




I proved that I'm not gay

[Toilet Fleet]

Chunt Bringle - You're Welcome

My parents met in high school
Got married after prom
My daddy taught the slow kids
And that's where he met mom

Daddy joined the Army
Helped savage lands be free
He was overseas for six long years
And came back when I was three

Now I write these country songs
In honor of the troops
Who fragged or shot or straight up slaughtered
Foreign ethnic groups

You're welcome for the liberty, you're welcome for the free
You're welcome for the (((strangely well-connected bourgeoisie)))
You're welcome for the right to live your life as you would like
You're welcome, please excuse the missile strike

This country is a beacon
All glory flows toward her
That's why we need more land mines
All along her southern border

Our banner is still spangled
Our colors never run
I'm proud of this ol' country
I'm married to a gun

You're welcome for the Walmart, you're welcome for GE
You're welcome for surveillance on Verizon LTE
You're welcome for obligatory health insurance plans
You're welcome for the laws against the trans

You're welcome for The Office, but not the British one
You're welcome for The Circle—again, not the British one
You're welcome for improving all your faggy British shows
You're welcome, we made more Guantanamos

[Eight Bit Alien]

HAGAHAHA

[Eight Bit Alien]

Damn son

[Geeheeb]

I'm not even going to try now

[featherboa]

LOL

[FVBTVS]

godamn you guys

We'll be replaced by robots
If the fags have their way

choking

[Eight Bit Alien]

[Zerohero]

Fart on the Libratards
THey all fags
Like smelling niggers
and muslim faggs!

solo hannity

Making merica grate,
killsome mexicans with a rake
farting on fags and queers too
with my 358 magnum called fartface II

solo toby kieth

praise the lord!!-------------------
technical songwriter notes: note fags rhymes with faggs, that double g fagg, and "II" rhymes exceptionally well with TOO. you can use these rulesz to conconct your own hitmaker, quaker

[Brutus Frank]

[Spooky Apparition]

My daddy taught the slow kids
And that's where he met mom

that's the hardest I've laughed at the internet in a really fucking long time

[Eight Bit Alien]

He was overseas for six long years
And came back when I was three