Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[Friendly Goatus]

I had this conversation with a coworker a few months back.

Coworker: "I got so wasted last night."
Me: "Cool man."
Coworker: "Yeah I smoked a few bowls and took a bunch of ibuprofen."
Me: "Was your back sore or something?"
Coworker: "Oh no man I just took it to get high."
Me: "Uhh ibuprofen doesn't get you high."
Coworker: "Yeah it does. It's a painkiller like vicodin!"
Me: "No... I'm pretty sure you can't get high off of ibuprofen."
Coworker: "Yeah you can dude! You just have to take a shitload of them."
Me: "Seriously that stuff doesn't get you high. It's not psychoactive in the least. That stuff will kill your kidneys if you keep taking that much regularly too."
Coworker: "Then how come I got so high then? It was the pills, no shit."
Me: "I think it was the weed that got you high..."
Coworker: "Whatever dude."

He was a real winner, that guy...

[metal5411]

I had this conversation with a coworker a few months back.

Coworker: "I got so wasted last night."
Me: "Cool man."
Coworker: "Yeah I smoked a few bowls and took a bunch of ibuprofen."
Me: "Was your back sore or something?"
Coworker: "Oh no man I just took it to get high."
Me: "Uhh ibuprofen doesn't get you high."
Coworker: "Yeah it does. It's a painkiller like vicodin!"
Me: "No... I'm pretty sure you can't get high off of ibuprofen."
Coworker: "Yeah you can dude! You just have to take a shitload of them."
Me: "Seriously that stuff doesn't get you high. It's not psychoactive in the least. That stuff will kill your kidneys if you keep taking that much regularly too."
Coworker: "Then how come I got so high then? It was the pills, no shit."
Me: "I think it was the weed that got you high..."
Coworker: "Whatever dude."

He was a real winner, that guy...

Haha what a retard.

Ibuprofen hurts your stomach though, not your kidneys.

[Mr. Budd]

Runner guy: "Dude, Nickleback puts on a great show and the singer is REALLY funny."
Me: "I flippin' LOVE biscuits and gravy day, man."

[chris narcosis]

I had this conversation with a coworker a few months back.

Coworker: "I got so wasted last night."
Me: "Cool man."
Coworker: "Yeah I smoked a few bowls and took a bunch of ibuprofen."
Me: "Was your back sore or something?"
Coworker: "Oh no man I just took it to get high."
Me: "Uhh ibuprofen doesn't get you high."
Coworker: "Yeah it does. It's a painkiller like vicodin!"
Me: "No... I'm pretty sure you can't get high off of ibuprofen."
Coworker: "Yeah you can dude! You just have to take a shitload of them."
Me: "Seriously that stuff doesn't get you high. It's not psychoactive in the least. That stuff will kill your kidneys if you keep taking that much regularly too."
Coworker: "Then how come I got so high then? It was the pills, no shit."
Me: "I think it was the weed that got you high..."
Coworker: "Whatever dude."

He was a real winner, that guy...

Haha, Goatus, all is forgiven.

[Comrade Slinky]

Ibuprofen hurts your stomach though, not your kidneys.

Whew.

[Oreobituary]

A coworker during a discussion of the upcoming Runaways movie:

(smugly) "You don't know who Lena Ford is?"

[MANTIS]

How about this for genius :
'well what do they know? They are only a bunch of experts'

The term "expert" has been shown to often mean next to nothing.

[Vanessa America]

Yesterday Gmail was down for at least an hour.

Coworker: The internet is down! The internet is broken!
Me: Other sites work, it's just gmail, they are probably having a problem considering they are the fastest growing email, they get overloaded.
Coworker: It's Obama messing with us, Obama has shut down the internet.
Me: It's just 1 site.
Coworker: Why won't Obama just leave us alone? He's taken down the whole internet.

[MANTIS]

Coworker: I told her the first day I was here that I had to have that day off!
Me: Ah...
Coworker: Then when I reminded her last week she got furious at me!
Me: Mm...
Coworker: I just don't get all the hate and anger.
Me: You... clearly don't understand black metal.

[Reverend]

Spiritual Female Coworker: reading internet news says "So theyve discovered that Cancerous cells that cause cancer, dont cause cancer if you keep yourself in a pyramid."

Me: . . . You wait till the end of the day to drop that fucking bomb on me?

[death by snoo snoo]

Someone called today asking for "Mucho Addo About Nothing" and asked if there was an English translation fml..

[Lord Beguile]

One of the girls in the front office asked if we had to work late on "Labor Day".. as if the word "labor" implied extra overtime.

[White Like Jesus]

"Time for the board meeting. Or should I say, BORED meeting...

I just came up with that!"

"Have you seen the new Sears in the mall? It's one of the beast Sears in North America!"

[Unholy Massacre]

Dylan "Some of the early black metal is pretty bad."

Me "Like who?"

Dylan "Well like Celtic Frost for instance."

Me "Are you fucking kidding?!?!"

Dylan "No, why would I kid about this?"

[Dr Yail Bloor]

Dylan "Some of the early black metal is pretty bad."

Me "Like who?"

Dylan "Well like Celtic Frost for instance."

Me "Are you fucking kidding?!?!"

Dylan "No, why would I kid about this?"

get him to post here, seriously

[White Like Jesus]

At least people where you work have heard of Celtic Frost.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

At least people where you work have heard of Celtic Frost.

bet the pronounce it 'seltic' though

[Unholy Massacre]

At least people where you work have heard of Celtic Frost.

He played drums in this Wolves in The Throne Room knockoff band called Wake and my friend who recorded him said his drumming "sounds like a labrador trying to get out of a cardboard box." I never stayed being in the basement while they were playing any of their shows.

[MANTIS]

If I play any music other than top 40 shit, everyone I work with acts like I'm the weirdest fucker in the world. I've listened to metal, hip-hop, orchestral, ambient, jazz, fusion, and prog-rock today and this girl keeps commenting how my music is shit because she's never heard any of it before. And most of this stuff isn't obscure at all.

I'd be delighted if anyone within 4 city blocks of me had heard of Celtic Frost, even if they didn't like it.

[Unholy Massacre]

If I play any music other than top 40 shit, everyone I work with acts like I'm the weirdest fucker in the world. I've listened to metal, hip-hop, orchestral, ambient, jazz, fusion, and prog-rock today and this girl keeps commenting how my music is shit because she's never heard any of it before. And most of this stuff isn't obscure at all.

I'd be delighted if anyone within 4 city blocks of me had heard of Celtic Frost, even if they didn't like it.

It still doesn't stop it from being a dumb comment.

I played my other co-worker who is really into the Melvins, old punk and prog rock Deathspell Omega and it blew his mind.

[BUNGVOX]

If I play any music other than top 40 shit, everyone I work with acts like I'm the weirdest fucker in the world. I've listened to metal, hip-hop, orchestral, ambient, jazz, fusion, and prog-rock today and this girl keeps commenting how my music is shit because she's never heard any of it before. And most of this stuff isn't obscure at all.

I'd be delighted if anyone within 4 city blocks of me had heard of Celtic Frost, even if they didn't like it.

It still doesn't stop it from being a dumb comment.

I played my other co-worker who is really into the Melvins, old punk and prog rock Deathspell Omega and it blew his mind.

yeah but the person you're talking about is a rarity in the workplace.

most people have shitty taste even though they think they're better than everyone else.

'yeah bitch listening to kelly clarkson makes you special'

[Unholy Massacre]

If I play any music other than top 40 shit, everyone I work with acts like I'm the weirdest fucker in the world. I've listened to metal, hip-hop, orchestral, ambient, jazz, fusion, and prog-rock today and this girl keeps commenting how my music is shit because she's never heard any of it before. And most of this stuff isn't obscure at all.

I'd be delighted if anyone within 4 city blocks of me had heard of Celtic Frost, even if they didn't like it.

It still doesn't stop it from being a dumb comment.

I played my other co-worker who is really into the Melvins, old punk and prog rock Deathspell Omega and it blew his mind.

yeah but the person you're talking about is a rarity in the workplace.

most people have shitty taste even though they think they're better than everyone else.

'yeah bitch listening to kelly clarkson makes you special'

I work with like four other people who have decent to good taste in music. The goth girl in the office is into pretty decent stuff too. I just have one of those shitty jobs that shitty losers get, so some people listen to metal and punk here.

[White Like Jesus]

"I don't let my kids watch Family Guy. It's just toooo far out there. And that 'Charmed' show, no way am I letting them watch that."

"Mmmmhmmm, that show that got witches and stuff in it?"

"Yeah, witches, demons, black magic, all this. Can't be havin that"

That is just goddamned irritating. I bet those people don't cross the street when there's no traffic until they see a walk signal.

[Zxcccccccccccc]

If I play any music other than top 40 shit, everyone I work with acts like I'm the weirdest fucker in the world. I've listened to metal, hip-hop, orchestral, ambient, jazz, fusion, and prog-rock today and this girl keeps commenting how my music is shit because she's never heard any of it before. And most of this stuff isn't obscure at all.

I'd be delighted if anyone within 4 city blocks of me had heard of Celtic Frost, even if they didn't like it.

I got the exact same reaction for listening to RIHANNA because it wasn't her most recent album and people didn't recognize her older/non-singles. There's really no winning.

[thürstön.3®®0®]

how about "dumb things you've heard at school"

kid who reminds me of chris griffin and is probably going to lose some fingers: "I dont have any problem with black people or anything, but i think that they call it the white house for a reason."

fuckin' arkansas