Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[Geeheeb]

perfect

i keep cracking up when i see this, nice job nov

[hipster holocaust]

Holiday bonuses won't be coming until February

Replace "bonuses" with "bonus updates"

[cxwx]

Guy talking about the Tool song that uses the Fibonacci sequence.

[cxwx]

Some weird girl asked if she could sit next to me. ( lucky for me right?) and I said “sure no problem” or what ever. The chair she sat in was completely disconnected from mine and had a table in between it so I thought it was kind of odd she would ask that as if she was imposing or something. But what ever, I just went back to my book.

Today she sits next to me and said something like “don’t worry, I won’t stare at you” (????) or something I wasn’t 100% sure of. She then proceeds to rapidly turn the pages of a magazine backwards.

I mentioned this to someone else later and they said “does she have short hair and glasses?” He knew the person I described immediately from a recent training class for exhibiting odd behavior without me even describing what they looked like so now I don’t feel like a complete asshole.

[cxwx]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

[hipster holocaust]

Holiday bonuses won't be coming until February

Replace "bonuses" with "bonus updates"

Replace "until February" with "."

[cxwx]

The next person who says “it’s the zombie apocalypse!” or pontificates about anything I’m going to kick in the fucking crotch and pour a can of botulism down their throats.

[cxwx]

“Someone bought this on -DATE REDACTED- is it still under the three year warranty?”

[THE KILL]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

oof

[cxwx]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

oof

He is one of these ex-California’s that think illegal immigrants ruined his life because land lords start charging higher rent at places where there’s twelve people living in one house. He also thinks there’s some legitimacy to birtherism and his wife is a minister. He once told a story of how he used to deliver pizza and the woman who answered the door offered him a blow job and he turned her down.

[THE KILL]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

oof

He is one of these ex-California’s that think illegal immigrants ruined his life because land lords start changing higher rent at places where there’s twelve people living in one house. He also thinks there’s some legitimacy to birtherism and his wife is a minister. He once told a story of how he used to deliver pizza and the woman who answered the door offered him a blow job and he turned her down.

Honestly I'm just grateful I don't have to deal with that sort of stupidity on a daily basis...

[cxwx]

Someone thought the “keep calm and carry on” graphic had something to do with alcohol because of the crown on the top of the image. When I told them it was from a British world war 2 propaganda poster someone else piped up and smugly said it was from a crown royal add. They were so completely insistent on something that could be disproven in just 5 seconds.

[MPD]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

oof

He is one of these ex-California’s that think illegal immigrants ruined his life because land lords start changing higher rent at places where there’s twelve people living in one house. He also thinks there’s some legitimacy to birtherism and his wife is a minister. He once told a story of how he used to deliver pizza and the woman who answered the door offered him a blow job and he turned her down.

TELL US MORE!

[cxwx]

Getting laid off for the third time from the same company in the last three and a half years. This time for good as they are closing up shop permanently. Maybe I can share Dwyer’s fail van.

[MeatGrease]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

oof

He is one of these ex-California’s that think illegal immigrants ruined his life because land lords start charging higher rent at places where there’s twelve people living in one house.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supply_and_demand

[cxwx]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

oof

He is one of these ex-California’s that think illegal immigrants ruined his life because land lords start charging higher rent at places where there’s twelve people living in one house.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supply_and_demand

Uh huh, yeah. I know what capitalism is. That was the point. I think there’s another homeless guy somewhere for you to kick in the ribs, go get em tuff guy.

[godofdeadlydeath]

“ Bernie sanders being a Jew that’s for socialism is like being a black that’s pro slavery.”

I'm going to assume this dude is white and that he did not say this statement within hearing distance of any actual black people. Am I close?

[hipster holocaust]

Getting laid off for the third time from the same company in the last three and a half years. This time for good as they are closing up shop permanently. Maybe I can share Dwyer’s fail van.

If it wasn't for my family relying on my health benefits I'd be going out of my way to get laid the fuck off. Unless you're not getting unemployment. Then that blows. But if so, go friggin bananas.

[cxwx]

Getting laid off for the third time from the same company in the last three and a half years. This time for good as they are closing up shop permanently. Maybe I can share Dwyer’s fail van.

If it wasn't for my family relying on my health benefits I'd be going out of my way to get laid the fuck off. Unless you're not getting unemployment. Then that blows. But if so, go friggin bananas.

I’m sure I’ll be able to draw unemployment if I don’t get a new job right away. It’s not for a few months so at least we get ample warning. I should be able to get paid out for my massive hours of unused vacation time too. Plus I’ve been saving money not spending it on stupid shit so I don’t think I’ll be in the poor house too soon, but you never know, shit can go down hill fast. I don’t exactly want to pound the pavement looking for work in the middle of a fucking plague. If worst comes to worst I can sell my house and move to another state with lower cost of living. My monthly payment is pretty low as I’ve had the mortgage for a long while now and property value has exploded where I live.

TL;DR

My fat ass won’t starve any time soon.

[hipster holocaust]

Oh look, you own a house. Fuck you

[Glub]

Glad to hear things aren't as shitty for you as they could possibly be.

Hoping this turns out as painless as possible for you, for whatever little that's worth.

[Necrophilic Mallard]

Asses robustness of approach.

[Necrophilic Mallard]

If worst comes to worst I can sell my house and move to another state with lower cost of living.

Montana is pretty cheap.

But seriously, good luck. Shit sucks.

[Glub]

If worst comes to worst I can sell my house and move to another state with lower cost of living.

Montana is pretty cheap.

But seriously, good luck. Shit sucks.

I'd urge caution before moving to Montana.

You've got to first ask yourself: "How diverse is my skillset?"

[cxwx]

Glad to hear things aren't as shitty for you as they could possibly be.

Hoping this turns out as painless as possible for you, for whatever little that's worth.

Thanks man! Maybe I could take up trail fence repair courses.