Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[cxwx]

Me: “hey our documentation claims X only works in case of Y [ what Y actual is being described as is in a rather confusing manner ] can you clarify that?”

Leadership doofus 1 : “yes that is correct, Y must occur EXACTLY that way for X to work.”

Leadership doofus 2: “X can can technically work without Y but it doesn’t work that well”

Leadership doofus 1: “oh uh, well, that’s actually what I meant, what doofus 2 said, yeah that’s it, ignore what I just said a few seconds ago.”

Leadership doofus 3: “does clarify for you?”

Me: “”

[cxwx]

Someone actually said “this is a new paradigm” and I just wanted to start screaming the lines from The Simpsons about stupid people using buzz word to sound important in a Rainer Landfermann voice.

[cxwx]

Sure I’d love to work 12 hours today and be the only person in my department for the last 6 hours of my shift

[The Bill]

Dancers are the greatest athletes in the world.

[cxwx]

Why the fuck should I have to take time out of my personal life to send you screen shots of my pay check to make sure YOU are paying me correctly.

[the awesome Assassin]

Why the fuck should I have to take time out of my personal life to send you screen shots of my pay check to make sure YOU are paying me correctly.

Well when the HQ of the call centre is in Bangalore you really can't just go to tne office... And really what else do you have going on...

[godofdeadlydeath]

Why the fuck should I have to take time out of my personal life to send you screen shots of my pay check to make sure YOU are paying me correctly.

You overheard someone saying this? It's not really dumb.

[cxwx]

Why the fuck should I have to take time out of my personal life to send you screen shots of my pay check to make sure YOU are paying me correctly.

Well when the HQ of the call centre is in Bangalore you really can't just go to tne office... And really what else do you have going on...

We can’t all be posthole diggers

[cxwx]

Why the fuck should I have to take time out of my personal life to send you screen shots of my pay check to make sure YOU are paying me correctly.

You overheard someone saying this? It's not really dumb.

Sorry, my context was unclear there. No one actually said that, I was just a venting my inner monologue after what I was told.

[godofdeadlydeath]

That makes more sense. And yes, that system sucks.

[cxwx]

That makes more sense. And yes, that system sucks.

I love she tries to like reverse mind fuck me telling me how I’m generally one of their best performers and that’s why our meetings are always canceled because I’m one of the people who rarely needs to be told what I need to improve on, and it isn’t really a time to go over general problems, only issues I’D be expected to fix. Not issues THEY’D be expected to fix. ( trying to appeal to my vanity, yet at the same time
there really is no other set time to go over this kind of shit )

[the awesome Assassin]

That makes more sense. And yes, that system sucks.

I love she tries to like reverse mind fuck me telling me how I’m generally one of their best performers and that’s why our meetings are always canceled because I’m one of the people who rarely needs to be told what I need to improve on, and it isn’t really a time to go over general problems, only issues I’D be expected to fix. Not issues THEY’D be expected to fix. ( trying to appeal to my vanity, yet at the same time
there really is no other set time to go over this kind of shit )

Hahaha...

[kevin hash]

Fuck you Mitch you are too much of a lithium junkie to have a job.

Fuckin dork.

[godofdeadlydeath]

I just got flashbacks to when I managed a team of 7 direct reports and half the time I'd cancel my weekly check-ins with my team members because they had no real updates and god damn I hated that fucking job and I'm so glad I'm not in it any more

[cxwx]

I just got flashbacks to when I managed a team of 7 direct reports and half the time I'd cancel my weekly check-ins with my team members because they had no real updates and god damn I hated that fucking job and I'm so glad I'm not in it any more

We actually had a nice chat. Shit’s cool and the gang now.

[Necrophilic Mallard]

This exchange...
Guy:
"I really like the phrase 'tribal knowledge', people will know what that means"

"You're going to type anything but that, huh?"

Other person: "it's not PC anymore"

Manager: "some people might take offense to that"

Guy: *Scoff*

[cxwx]

tribal knowledge is a good indication that the company sucks if there is that much of a disconnect between the on the ground employees and management. It shouldn’t have to exist in the first place if the people in charge actually knew how things worked and what the fuck was going on.

[Necrophilic Mallard]

it means documentation is shit, and there's people who by trial and error have figured out how to operate it properly but it's never been formalized.

[cxwx]

it means documentation is shit, and there's people who by trial and error have figured out how to operate it properly but it's never been formalized.

Yes, that was my point. We’re in agreement here.

[cxwx]

“I paid my nephew almost four hundred bucks to do installation for me, I want to be reimbursed”

[cxwx]

“We’d really appreciate if it you stopped clocking in two minutes early for your shift ”

[cxwx]

Manager: “hey you are ranked really high but for this shift bid I want to save the best shift for our top #1 ranked person

Here’s some other shifts:

[a bunch of garbage, split shifts]”

Me: sure okay, let me know if that other shift still ends up being available

…later….

Manager: “hey there, I ended up giving myself that shift you wanted. hope that’s cool.”

Me: -_-

[Geeheeb]

I was just approached by an employee; she wants me to do some research on these [SMALL WIFI COMMUNICATIONS DEVICES] about the fact that they are 5G and it's not good to have them next to your heart. This is news to me. I told her hundreds of hospitals around the country use these things if there was a problem someone would have heard about it by now.

[cxwx]

Being laid off and rehired by the same company for the fourth time in four years. This new project has a $240 per month pay cut, seems like it will be worse work, but the worst part is there doesn’t seem to be any bonus structure. I am currently averaging about $1000 a month (pre tax) just in bonuses, which is now evaporating. Oh well, jobs a job. Beats dancing in the street for nickels. On the bright side maybe I’ll lose some weight if I’m too broke to afford food.

[cxwx]

“SURE we’ll pay out your final bonus after we lay you off even though we swore up and down we weren’t going to lay anyone off and you don’t have to be technically employed THIS month to get paid a bonus for the work you already did LAST month. I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”