Five Finger Donkey Punch - new bassist flyer

[SHOOTME]

One of the world's shittiest bands needs a new bassist. Look at the ridiculous flyer they put out:

* Hard rock/alternative metal look
* Your image MUST be compatible with the band (absolutely no exceptions!)
* Under 35 years of age (no exceptions)
* Athletic build
* Not over 6 feet tall
* Tattoos a plus
* Some vocal ability preferred (screams and harmonies)
* Five-string bass ability a plus (music is mostly played in B)
* Passport a MUST
* Non-smokers preferred
* No alcoholics/drug addicts
* Band is based in Las Vegas. Be willing to relocate or commute

[SHOOTME]

More info on it:

http://www.metalinjection.net/latest-ne ... -hilarious

[The Schwartz]

list sound like it was made up by Stefon the city correspondent

http://www.hulu.com/playlist/34845

[Ogre of Disgust]

"Shitheads need bassist, you must be:
-A shithead"

I'm not seeing the ridiculous part

[Necrometer]

* Not over 6 feet tall

this part is cute... if you GIS, every single promo shot they have features the singer doing something zany with respect to the rest of the dudes - either crouching, up in the foreground, standing on a BOX behind everyone else... and it's because he's a fucking midget! at bottom is the only pic of them all standing in a non-sneaky shot

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

way to be a midget, midget

[necrothrash]

Danzig angles.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

is that shifty shellshock?

[copstache]

Danzig angles.

Dangles.

[Ogre of Disgust]

Their publicysts bought 'em clothes at Crust Topic on Melrose, hey sixty dollar Seige patches are the price you pay.

LOL @ Danzig Angles

[From Blintzes to Crepes]

is that shifty shellshock?

I thought the same fucking thing.

also, when are white people gonna realize that dreadlocks are fucking stupid on them?

[SHOOTME]

What the fuck is that guy on the left wearing? It looks like some kind of chinese outfit that Hot Topic got ahold of and made it as douchey as it could possibly get. What an asshole.

[SHOOTME]

Is the singer standing on a box in this pic?

[triple clutcher v2.5b]

I saw this band in Dallas last year. I only went for the free booze, drugs and food. I don't even remembered what they sound like. I guess that's a good thing.

I hear them occasionally on the radio at work, and they sound exactly like they look.

[Natas]

What the fuck is that guy on the left wearing? It looks like some kind of chinese outfit that Hot Topic got ahold of and made it as douchey as it could possibly get. What an asshole.

I swear when we recently went to one of those Jap places where they cook in front of you, this is exactly what the chefs were fucking wearing

[takeasneededforpain]

Why does anyone care about Five Faggot Death Hunch?

[copstache]

give the guy a break, maybe he didn't have time to change out of his work clothes before the photoshoot

[triple clutcher v2.5b]

I like how the singer is always turned so his tattoo is in the foreground.

[riley-o]

no one over 6' as a requirement for joining a band is absolutely fucking hilarious

meanwhile the actual bass playing abilities are listed as a "plus"

[copstache]

think of all the new pose options he would have if he got the other arm done!

i also like how they're kind of implying that playing a 5-string bass is somehow different than playing a 4-string.

[triple clutcher v2.5b]

no one over 6' as a requirement for joining a band is absolutely fucking hilarious

a while ago I was putting a band together with a friend of mine, but I'm kind of glad it petered out because I would've been the shortest person in the band by almost a foot.

I also like the idea that their practice space has a big sign next to the door like they have by the kiddie rides at amusement parks -- "For safety reasons, if you are taller than this line you cannot be in Five Finger Death Punch".

[riley-o]

5' death punch

[soiled depends]

oh my cankles!!! destroyed by that singers' brutal fist assault!!!

[death by snoo snoo]

So you don't even try to honor the legendary SHOOTME's namesake anymore? Just drag his name through the mud by posting threads you're too cowardly to post under your real account?

Get AIDS>

[Friendly Goatus]

More like Five Wiener Butt Lunch.

[soiled depends]

five weiner butt lunch? that's so that it's