Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

[Fighting Uruk-Hai]

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/n ... ary-herpes
Library copies of the bestselling sadomasochistic romance were found to carry traces of herpes and cocaine

[Geeheeb]

I would have expected chocolate and tears along with fecal coliform instead of an STI…

[Cryptoplasty]

My wife just finished reading this and said it's the worst piece of shit ever written. She read it on the computer though so no herpes, although she was probably doing coke of the monitor.

[Geeheeb]

Well you to have some help to power through that literal speed read.

[Foot Foot]

[FVBTVS]

so is this the first time a piece of fan fiction was successfully turned into a major motion picture?

[Advances>|<MONKEY]

They aprently made a new film about vernus in furs. but you know fucking what this is gonna result in a lot of women oding on ASS BENDRYL because thats that the climax of the film is. A nice anal basting with the red stuff, and off to the MOON they are flying so fast on carpeted tracks that burn for a moent and trun into a thousand tiny atelope at play and war and holy shit is that old lady feeling something she aint never feel before and shes heaving her gut and sweatin like shes in the disney world and oh boy she is in the disney world here comes mickey and miney struttin in latex with their genitcals swinging for the world to see holden hands walking by and goofey with a three foot erection with a pilot light at the end is grooven down that wet tacky sidewalk and hes given you some vibes and you gotta feel em you gotta feel em. old anty may knows its a good time to be a live when she sees that jim grey take off his shirt and reveals the tatoo of the beast on his chest and as he breaths it looks further and further in your soul till your lost in it and jim is coming up to you in nothing but his suit pants now pulling off the last of his socks and sweats trickling down his beard and his eyes are all red except for the white in the center and hes puffin and saying 'boy howdy aunty may you hot and bothered' and ahunty mays mind disolves in a puff of a thousand swirls and shes back in the house and the televsion is CNN and she just feels the speach hitting her drums but its not anything she understands and she opens her eyes and there is a scene she wont forget becasue there is jim grey and hes got goofy up behind him and they are making a nasty the world has never seen before and then james turns to face her and opens his mouth and OUT COME STHE FLAME! OUT COMES THE FIRES and she is now sure she is in hell and she is right.

[Necrometer]

good bump, foot foot! I had totally watched the teaser trailer for this trailer

trailer doesn't look especially bad, actually - casting seems legit. eager to wonder at all the "expensive-looking" things put to film

and yeah fbz, I think it's the first fanfic that has gone quite so big

[Iron Goldie]

Just watched that trailer too. God, all the memories of this shitty series come rushing back...

I wish some gay incest Transformers pornfic had been made into a movie instead.

[Natas]

the book was better

[Necrometer]

eh

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

I'll probably watch this movie at some point - I'm just so invested

[copstache]

i don't know anything about the book, but apparently the movie is straight up rapey. like, not BDSM, violent rape masquerading as R-rated BDSM porn

also it's apparently a real piece of shit but that's almost beside the point

[Necrometer]

yeah that rapey stuff is true of the book, and although I assumed they'd be down-playing that aspect, maybe it's that much worse in the movie since the offending elements are put center stage when the fat is cut away

[Cryptoplasty]

I'm going to see this with my wife on Saturday. It was my idea. The theater I'm seeing this in requires a reservation and has leather reclining seats.

I'm interested in seeing:

1) How many dudes show up in the theater
2) How many hidden sex acts will be going on in the theater
3) How many woman will be diddling themselves in the theater

[BUNGVOX]

1. probably a bunch. some of them will be fags.
2. none
3. none

that anyone gives a shit is yet further indication that the end times are here.

[riley-o]

Does anyone realize there's free pornography on the internet and you don't have to sit through fucking literal Twilight fanfic to get to the fuck scenes ?

I must be absolutely insane. How is this the fucking world we've built.

[Wang Mandu]

I'm going to see this with my wife on Saturday. It was my idea.

Is where you live that boring or do you hate your wife and yourself? [emoji38]

[Wehttam]

Does anyone realize there's free pornography on the internet and you don't have to sit through fucking literal Twilight fanfic to get to the fuck scenes ?

^this^

[BUNGVOX]

typical hollywood: take a poorly written novel and turn into a watered down movie so homos can go see it on 'date night'.

and i'm sure the sequels are already done.

this is how we do it in 'merica. crank em out.

babies, shitty movies, tabloid magazines, kanye west albums.

[Toilet Fleet]

don't talk shit about kanye

[BUNGVOX]

i already did.

[FVBTVS]

vom

[Necrometer]

"consumer porn"

[ThePhillyExperiment]

I'm going to see this with my wife on Saturday. It was my idea. The theater I'm seeing this in requires a reservation and has leather reclining seats.

I'm interested in seeing:

1) How many dudes show up in the theater
2) How many hidden sex acts will be going on in the theater
3) How many woman will be diddling themselves in the theater

Why would you pay money for two tickets and spend 2 hours of wretchedness for what looks like a small, personal giggle? That, Sir, is not a good return on investment.

[elephants gerald]

yeah I think that I'd really like to see this, because holy shit at that thomas hardy clip in the kermode review, but I'll wait til it's free