Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

hahaha

some Star Wars Episode II style love-speak
And he’s not mentioned it again. In fact at every
opportunity he’s tried to reassure me about his wealth . . .
that’s it mine, too. I shudder as I recall the crazy shopping
fest Christian demanded I go on with Caroline Acton—the
personal shopper from Niemans—in preparation for this
honeymoon. My bikini alone cost five hundred and forty
dollars. I mean, it’s nice, but really—that’s a ridiculous
amount of money for four triangular scraps of material.
“You will get used to it,” Christian interrupts my reverie
as he resumes his place at the table.
“Used to it?”
“The money,” he says, rolling his eyes.
Oh, Fifty, maybe with time. I push the small dish of
salted almonds and cashews toward him.
“Your nuts, sir,” I say with as straight a face as I can
manage, trying to bring some humor to our conversation
after my dark thoughts and my bikini top faux pas.
He smirks. “I’m nuts about you.” He takes an almond,
his eyes sparkling with wicked humor as he enjoys my little
joke. He licks his lips. “Drink up. We’re going to bed.”
What?
“Drink,” he mouths at me, his eyes darkening.
Oh my, the look he gives me could be solely
responsible for global warming. I pick up my gin and drain
the glass, not taking my eyes off him. His mouth drops
open, and I glimpse the tip of his tongue between his teeth.
He smiles lewdly at me. In one fluid move, he stands and
bends over me, resting his hands on the arms of my chair.
“I’m going to make an example of you. Come. Don’t
pee,” he whispers in my ear.
I gasp. Don’t pee? How rude. My subconscious looks
up from her book—The Complete works of Charles
Dickens, Vol. 1
—with alarm.
“It’s not what you think.” Christian smirks, holding his
hand out to me. “Trust me.” He looks so sexy and genial.
How can I resist?
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by caldwell.the.great »

riley-o wrote:
caldwell.the.great wrote:Image
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
Image
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
Image
Necrometer wrote:fucking scientists
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Raw Ting »

It Jack what it Jill, dawg
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Blair »

Kurt Russell's Beard wrote:
Pisscubes wrote:I'm with KRB on "it is what it is". It's not applicable all the time and sure there are idiots who use it and over use it, but sometimes it's just right fucking on.

For me it's especially useful when people are complaining about the minutia of something over and over, something they are going to eventually accept but need to pick apart first. You know, like you get a hotel room on a road trip or something and it's obviously not a roach motel but not the four seasons and your traveling companion needs to sit there with the, "The bar downstairs looks cheesy" and "The hotel's restaurant food isn't very good" and "What a small pool".

In this case "It is what it is" is a polite way to tell them to shut the fuck up.
See, I like that.

I just realized something. I picked up IIWII back in the military, I think. It wasn't about being defeatist, it was about accepting shit and not sweating the small stuff. Now, the guy at work, he probably thought I was being defeatist when I said it. I was actually trying to get all the other guys to stop bitching about idiotic stuff and just adapt and do the work without complaint.
I've found myself at work using IIWII lately for exactly those sorts of situations.
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doubleblumpkin wrote:Guess who's riding a pig through the jungle 8)
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by riley-o »

Pisscubes wrote:This is really, amazingly bad writing.
Its only real stand-out characteristic is just that.

But I have been meaning to tell you, Geoff... I'm nuts about you..
HEAD BOPPAZ RECORDS YOU BITCH-ASS HOES
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by caldwell.the.great »

Oh my, the look you two are giving each other could be solely responsible for global warming.
Necrometer wrote:fucking scientists
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by riley-o »

Lucas looked up from his book -- Penthouse Forum's True Tales -- with alarm.
HEAD BOPPAZ RECORDS YOU BITCH-ASS HOES
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

yeah, I haven't read any of those other books :confused:
riley-o wrote:Lucas looked up from his book -- Penthouse Forum's True Tales -- with alarm.
:lol:
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by caldwell.the.great »

He gazed across the room at Riley for what seemed like days. His jaw dropped and a tingle ran from his balls all the way up his spine. Suddenly he whimpered, "Oh my god... Jeez." There was a taut, sensuous pause filled with meaning and luxury. "You have the God of War Collection!" Was this love? Only an iPad and Blackberry inside an Audi could confirm that.
Necrometer wrote:fucking scientists
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

caldwell.the.great wrote:He gazed across the room at Riley for what seemed like days. His jaw dropped and a tingle ran from his white balls all the way up his spine. Suddenly he whimpered, "Oh my god... Jeez." There was a taut, sensuous pause filled with meaning and luxury. "You have the God of War Collection!" Was this love? Only an iPad and Blackberry inside an Audi could confirm that.
:fonz:

Pisscubes wrote:This isn't real, right? I mean... it's a parody, correct? It has to.
It has to what it has to, brother.
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by riley-o »

caldwell.the.great wrote:
the first instalment (British spelling)
hahahahaahah she actually put this on there

this is real

hahahahhaha
HEAD BOPPAZ RECORDS YOU BITCH-ASS HOES
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

In the first gallery, Christian gazes distractedly at the
erotic photographs in front of us, sucking gently on the arm
of his aviator specs. They are the work of Florence D’elle
—naked women in various poses.
“Not quite what I had in mind,” I mumble
disapprovingly. They make me think of the box of
photographs I found in his closet, our closet. I wonder if
he ever did destroy them.
“Me neither,” Christian says, grinning down at me. He
takes my hand, and we stroll to the next artist. Idly, I
wonder if I should let him take photos of me. My inner
goddess nods frantically with approval.
The next display is by a female painter who specializes
in figurative art—fruit and vegetables super close up and in
rich, glorious color.
“I like those.” I point to three paintings of peppers.
“They remind me of you chopping vegetables in my
apartment.” I giggle. Christian’s mouth twists as he tries
and fails to hide his amusement.
“I thought I managed that quite competently,” he
mutters. “I was just a bit slow, and anyway”—he pulls me
into an embrace—“you were distracting me. Where would
you put them?”
“What?”
Christian is nuzzling my ear. “The paintings—where
would you put them?” He bites my earlobe and I feel it in
my groin.
“Kitchen,” I murmur.
“Hmm. Nice idea, Mrs. Grey.”
I squint at the price. Five thousand euros each. Holy
shit!

“They’re really expensive!” I gasp.
“So?” He nuzzles me again. “Get used to it, Ana.” He
releases me and saunters over to the desk where a young
woman dressed entirely in white is gaping at him. I want to
roll my eyes, but turn my attention back to the paintings.
Five thousand euros . . . jeez.
We have finished lunch and are relaxing over coffee at
the Hotel Le Saint Paul. The view of the surrounding
countryside is stunning. Vineyards and fields of sunflowers
form a patchwork across the plain, interspersed here and
there with neat little French farmhouses. It’s such a clear,
beautiful day we can see all the way to the sea, glinting
faintly on the horizon. Christian interrupts my reverie.
“You asked me why I braid your hair,” he murmurs.
His tone alarms me. He looks . . . guilty.
“Yes.” Oh, shit.
“The crack whore used to let me play with her hair, I
think. I don’t know if it’s a memory or a dream.”
Whoa! His birth mom.

He gazes at me, his expression unreadable. My heart
leaps into my mouth. What do I say when he says things
like this?
“I like you playing with my hair.” My voice is hesitant.
He regards me with uncertainty. “Do you?”
“Yes.” It’s the truth. I grasp his hand. “I think you loved
your birth mother, Christian.” His eyes widen and he stares
at me impassively, saying nothing.
Christian spreads Gia’s plans out over the breakfast bar.
She really has some spectacular ideas.
“I love her proposal to make the entire downstairs back
wall glass, but . . .”
“But?” Christian prompts.
I sigh. “I don’t want to take all the character out of the
house.”
“Character?”
“Yes. What Gia is proposing is quite radical, but . . .
well . . . I fell in love with the house as it is . . . warts and
all.”
Christian’s brow furrows as if this is anathema to him.
“I kind of like it the way it is,” I whisper. Is this going to
make him mad?
He regards me steadily. “I want this house to be the
way you want. Whatever you want. It’s yours.”
“I want you to like it, too. To be happy in it, too.”
“I’ll be happy wherever you are. It’s that simple, Ana.”
His gaze holds mine. He is utterly, utterly sincere. I blink at
him as my heart expands. Holy cow, he really does love
me
.
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Raw Ting »

What the frick
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

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“Good. As long as we understand each other, we’ll be
fine. Now, I’ll let you know what we have in mind for the
master suite, then I’d like a run down on all the materials
you intend to use. As you know, Christian and I are
determined that this house should be ecologically
sustainable, and I’d like to reassure him as to where all the
materials are coming from and what they are.”
“Of c-course,” she stutters, wide-eyed and frankly a
little intimidated by me. This is a first. My inner goddess
runs around the arena, waving to the frenzied crowd.
SHOPPING SPREE!!!!
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
“In here.” Grabbing my hand, Mia hauls me into a designer
boutique that’s all pink silk and faux-French distressed
rustic furniture. Kate follows us while Taylor waits outside,
sheltering under the awning from the rain. Aretha is belting
out “Say A Little Prayer” over the store’s hi-fi system. I
love this song. I should put it on Christian’s iPod.
“This will look wonderful on you, Ana.” Mia holds up a
scrap of silver material. “Here, try it on.”
“Um . . . it’s a bit short.”
“You’ll look fantastic in it. Christian will love it.”
“You think?”
Mia beams at me. “Ana, you have legs to die for, and if
we go clubbing tonight”—she smiles, sensing an easy kill
—“you’ll look hot for your husband.”
I blink at her, slightly shocked. We’re going clubbing?
I don’t do clubbing.
Kate laughs at my expression. She seems more relaxed
now that she’s away from Elliot. “We should throw some
shapes this evening,” she says.
“Go try it on,” Mia orders, and reluctantly I head for
the changing room.
While I wait for Kate and Mia to emerge from the dressing
room, I stroll to the shop window and look out, unseeing,
across the main street. The soul compilation continues:
Dionne Warwick is singing “Walk On By.” Another great
song—one of my mother’s favorites. I glance down at The
Dress in my hand. Dress is perhaps an overstatement. It’s
backless and very short, but Mia has declared it a winner,
perfect for dancing the night away. Apparently, I need
shoes, too, and a large chunky necklace, which we’ll
source next. Rolling my eyes, I reflect once more on how
lucky I am to have Caroline Acton, my own personal
shopper.
Through the boutique window I’m distracted by the
sight of Elliot. He has appeared on the other side of the
leafy main street, climbing out of a large Audi. He dives
into a store as if to duck out of the rain. Looks like a
jewelry store . . . maybe he’s looking for that watch
battery. He emerges a few minutes later and not alone—
with a woman.
Fuck! He’s talking to Gia! What the hell is she doing
here?
As I watch, they hug briefly and she holds her head
back, laughing animatedly at something he says. He kisses
her cheek then runs to the waiting car. She turns and heads
down the street, and I gape after her. What was that
about? I turn anxiously toward the dressing rooms, but
there’s still no sign of Kate or Mia.
I glance at Taylor, where he’s waiting outside the store.
He catches my eye then shrugs. He’s witnessed Elliot’s
little encounter, too. I blush, embarrassed to have been
caught snooping. Turning back, Mia and Kate emerge,
both of them laughing. Kate looks at me quizzically.
“What’s wrong, Ana?” she asks. “You gone cold on
the dress? You look sensational in it.”
“Um, no.”
“Are you okay?” Kate’s eyes widen.
“I’m fine. Shall we pay?” I head to the cashier joining
Mia who has chosen two skirts.
“Good afternoon, ma’am.” The young sales assistant—
who has more gloss coating her lips than I have ever seen
in one place—smiles at me. “That’ll be eight hundred and
fifty dollars.”
What? For this scrap of material! I blink at her and
meekly hand over my black Amex.

“Mrs. Grey,” Ms. Lip Gloss purrs.
I follow Kate and Mia in a daze for the next two hours,
warring with myself. Should I tell Kate? My subconscious
firmly shakes her head. Yes, I should tell her. No, I
shouldn’t. It could just have been an innocent meeting.
Shit. What should I do?
“Well, do you like the shoes, Ana?” Mia has her fists
on her hips.
“Um . . . yeah, sure.”
I end up with a pair of unfeasibly high Manolo Blahniks
with straps that look like they are made from mirrors. They
match the dress perfectly and set Christian back just over
a thousand dollars. I’m luckier with the long silver chain
that Kate insists I buy; it’s a bargain at eighty-four dollars.
“Getting used to having money?” Kate asks not
unkindly as we walk back to the car. Mia has skipped
ahead.
“You know this isn’t me, Kate. I’m kind of
uncomfortable about all this. But I’m reliably informed it’s
part of the package.” I purse my lips at her, and she puts
her arm around me.
“You’ll get used to it, Ana,” she says sympathetically.
“You’ll look great.”
“Kate, how are you and Elliot getting along?” I ask.
Her wide blue eyes dart to mine.
Oh no.
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk about it
now.” She nods toward Mia. “But things are—” She
doesn’t finish her sentence.
This is unlike my tenacious Kate. Shit. I knew
something was up. Do I tell her what I saw? What did I
see? Elliot and Miss Well-Groomed-Sexual-Predator
talking, hugging, and that kiss on the cheek. Surely they
are just old friends? No, I won’t tell her. Not right now. I
give her my I-completely-understand-and-will-respectyour-
privacy nod. She reaches for my hand and gives it a
grateful squeeze, and there it is—a swift glimpse of pain
and hurt in her eyes that she quickly stifles with a blink. I
feel a sudden surge of protectiveness for my dear friend.
What the hell is Elliot Manwhore Grey playing at?
Last edited by Necrometer on Thu Jul 05, 2012 7:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by caldwell.the.great »

“Good. As long as we understand each other, we’ll be fine. Now, I’ll let you know what we have in mind for the basement and master bar, then I’d like a run down on all the materials you intend to use. As you know, Pisscubes and I are determined that this house should be acceptable to all MLB fans, no matter what city they come from. And I’d like to reassure New York Yankees fans as to where all the pinstripes will be, and which numbers we'll have knitted into the quilt that will cover the pull-out couch.”

“Of c-course,” the Tampa Bay fan stutters, wide-eyed and frankly a little intimidated by our ecumenical stance toward all baseball clubs. This is a first. My inner Stan Musial crushes a ball over the right field wall, well out of the park, and I trot around the bases, waving to Gillian Anderson as she fawns over my rippling muscles and superior hand-eye coordination from the grandstand. I feel my dick quiver a little as I realize, she might be able to introduce me to Fox Mulder.
Last edited by caldwell.the.great on Thu Jul 05, 2012 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

hahahaha :moreawesome:
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

“Sit,” he says.
I sit on the chair and close my eyes. I hear him as he
messes around with bottles on the vanity unit. I am too
tired to open my eyes to find out what he’s doing. A
moment later he tips my head back, and I open my eyes in
surprise.
“Eyes closed,” Christian says. Holy crap, he’s holding
a cotton ball! Gently, he wipes it over my right eye. I sit
stunned as he methodically removes my makeup.
“Ah. There’s the woman I married,” he says after a few
wipes.
“You don’t like makeup?”
“I like it well enough, but I prefer what’s beneath it.”
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

MEGA-SPOILERS
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
Christian turns into the driveway of our new house. He
stops at the keypad and punches in a number, and the
ornate white metal gates swing open. We roar up the treelined
lane under leaves that are a blend of green, yellow,
and burnished copper. The tall grass in the meadow is
turning gold, but there are still a few yellow wildflowers
dotted among the grass. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is
shining, and the salty tang of the Sound is in the air mixed
with the scent of the coming fall. This is such a tranquil and
beautiful place. And to think we’re going to make our
home here.
The lane curves around, and our house comes into
view. Several large trucks, sides emblazoned with Grey
Construction, are parked out front. The house is decked in
scaffolding, and several workmen in hard hats are busy on
the roof.
Christian pulls up outside the portico and switches off
the engine. I can sense his excitement.
“Let’s go find Elliot.”
“Is he here?”
“I hope so. I’m paying him enough.”
I snort, and Christian grins as we get out of the car.
“Yo, Bro!” Elliot shouts from somewhere. We both
glance around.
“Up here!” He’s up on the roof, waving down at us and
beaming from ear to ear. “About time we saw you here.
Stay where you are. I’ll be right down.”
I glance at Christian, who shrugs. A few minutes later,
Elliot appears at the front door.
“Hey, bro.” He shakes Christian’s hand. “And how are
you, little lady?” He picks me up and swings me around.
“Better, thanks,” I giggle breathlessly, my ribs
protesting. Christian frowns at him, but Elliot ignores him.
“Let’s head over to the site office. You’ll need one of
these.” He taps his hard hat.
The house is a shell. The floors are covered in a hard
fibrous material that looks like burlap; some of the original
walls have disappeared and new ones have taken their
place. Elliot leads us through, explaining what’s happening,
while men—and a few women—work everywhere around
us. I’m relieved to see the stone staircase with its intricate
iron balustrade is still in place and draped completely in
white dustsheets.
In the main living area, the back wall has been removed
to make way for Gia’s glass wall, and work is beginning
on the terrace. In spite of the mess, the view is still
stunning. The new work is sympathetic and in keeping with
the old-world charm of the house . . . Gia’s done well.
Elliot patiently explains the processes and gives us a rough
timeframe for each. He’s hoping we can be in by
Christmas, although Christian thinks this is optimistic.
Holy cow—Christmas overlooking the Sound. I can’t
wait. A bubble of excitement blooms inside me. I have
visions of us trimming an enormous tree while a copperhaired
little boy looks on in wonder.
Elliot finishes our tour in the kitchen. “I’ll leave you two
to roam. Be careful. This is a building site.”
“Sure. Thanks, Elliot,” Christian murmurs, taking my
hand. “Happy?” he asks once Elliot has left us alone. I am
gazing at this empty shell of a room and wondering where I
will hang the pepper pictures that we bought in France.
“Very. I love it. You?”
“Ditto.” He grins.
“Good. I was thinking of the pepper pictures in here.”
Christian nods. “I want to put up José’s portraits of you
in this house. You need to decide where they should go.”
I blush. “Somewhere I won’t see them often.”
“Don’t be like that.” He scolds me, brushing his thumb
across my bottom lip. “They’re my favorite pictures. I love
the one in my office.”
“I have no idea why,” I murmur and kiss the pad of his
thumb.
“Worse things to do than look at your beautiful smiling
face all day. Hungry?” he asks.
“Hungry for what?” I whisper.
He smirks, his eyes darkening. Hope and desire unfurl
in my veins.
“Food, Mrs. Grey.” And he plants a swift kiss on my
lips.
I give him my faux pout and sigh. “Yes. These days I’m
always hungry.”
“The three of us can have a picnic.”
“Three of us? Is someone joining us?”
Christian cocks his head to one side. “In about seven or
eight months.”
Oh . . . Blip. I grin goofily at him.
“I thought you might like to eat al fresco.”
“In the meadow?” I ask.
He nods.
“Sure.” I grin.
“This will be a great place to raise a family,” he
murmurs, gazing down at me.
Family! More than one? Dare I mention this now?
He spreads his fingers over my belly. Holy shit. I hold
my breath and place my hand over his.
“It’s hard to believe,” he whispers, and for the first time
I hear wonder in his voice.
“I know. Oh—here, I have evidence. A picture.”
“You do? Baby’s first smile?”
I pull out the ultrasound of Blip from my wallet.
“See?”
Christian examines it closely, staring for several
seconds. “Oh . . . Blip. Yeah, I see.” He sounds
distracted, awed.
“Your child,” I whisper.
“Our child.” He counters.
“First of many.”
“Many?” Christian’s eyes widen with alarm.
“At least two.”
“Two?” He tests the word. “Can we just take this one
child at a time?”
I grin. “Sure.”
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Zerohero »

can someone underline the fuck scenes in this tread for me?


maybe on of you ejukated mens learnt to underline in college..
thanx
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
LordDarksoul wrote:Thanks for the concern, Fucktractor.
BUNGVOX wrote:i don't want metallica to shit their pants. i want metallica to shit MY pants.
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Necrometer
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

as the books go on there's almost no fuck scenes anymore

just getting married and pregnant and moving into a house that doesn't even have a dungeon :fp:

I just found the scene where she has to use the safeword and wouldn't you know it it's not even from him beating the shit out of her or choking her with his cock or too many ass-dildos... it's from her getting impatient and emotional during some orgasm denial play Image
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Kurt Russell's Beard
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Kurt Russell's Beard »

This is ridiculous. I want to cry.
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Zerohero »

He let out a long, high "Ooooh" as she fucked him with her asshole-her hard
buttocks rotating in frenzied clockwise and counter clockwise arcs. She got a big
thrill looking over her shoulder at his face all scrunched up with pleasure as she
pumped away at his fat seven inches.
She wanted his cock to explode in her mouth so she could taste his come, roll it
around on her tongue and savor it before swallowing it with a lusty smack of her lips
but her asshole had a mind of its own. She felt him explode inside her and as his
cock oozed its creamy goo, her athletic, well rummaged rectum kept squeezing back
and forth and up and down until he was completely dry and flopped backwards onto
the bed-totally fucked out.
"That's what I could use right now," her mind murmured, "a nice hot prick up my
ass." Instead she rolled over onto her stomach so that the sun could complete its job
of endowing Lisa Williams with a perfectly symmetrical tan. She tried to make her
mind think of something else besides sex because it was too early in the day to have
to go back inside the house and jerk herself off.

But then the minute his cock slid into that practiced orifice she stopped caring what a
slob he was and started sucking for all she was worth. She could recollect with
startling clarity the fat vein that was throbbing in his cock as her cheeks expanded
and contracted around him. The sac of his furry balls exuded a slightly stale odor of
sweat. This had made her suck all the more enthusiastically. He grabbed her hair at
the nape of the neck and guided her head back and forth on his cock until he
climaxed in her mouth. He tasted like asparagus.
rileyo wrote:i like that she's wearing high heels &stockings to get fucked by dead pigs,that's some real forward thinking metal right there
LordDarksoul wrote:Thanks for the concern, Fucktractor.
BUNGVOX wrote:i don't want metallica to shit their pants. i want metallica to shit MY pants.
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Necrometer
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

Image
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Kurt Russell's Beard
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Kurt Russell's Beard »

"her mind murmured"

???

You mean "thought"? Ha ha ha, this is absolute trash. Torturous to read.
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Re: Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

Post by Necrometer »

That one's a ZH original, for the record.
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