Consumption Be Done About These New Star Wars Movies ?!?!

[Chad]

Yes, because there have never been black people in Star Wars movies before.

[Chad]

[spacehamster]

You just hate him because he has a full head of hair.

[BUNGVOX]

fuck jj abrams, fuck this movie

I could never watch this piece of shit without imagining that jewish fuck rubbing his clit

NEVER

chad....you rule.

[Toilet Fleet]

so glad that the runup to this new one is airing out some truly garbage opinions about the franchise; namely, that a.) return of the jedi was actually good, b.) revenge of the sith wasn't that bad, and c.) watching them in order of iv, v, i (optional), ii, iii, vi is somehow a good idea. every one of these thoughts is bad.

[Necrometer]

watching any prequels is a bad idea (including that topher-inspired fan edit, which sucked), but Jedi does NOT suck. the first and third acts on their own completely crush, and so what if you have like 20 minutes of fursuit annoyance slowing the movie down in the middle... those moments contributed to a fuller story; I think - a place to have intimate treehouse chats and immolate vader while jubilant "yub nub"s are intoned. I'd certainly rather watch muppets trash empire gear using logs (almost said ripped off from Predator, but Jedi did it first!) than whatever the FUCK we were subjected to in the intro of that Ultron movie. Jedi can easily argued to be the worst of the OT, that's fine, but to say that it's not actually good is only reasonable if you're some grumpus that hates 'em all... which is fine but I don't think that's what we're talking about.

[How Are Mortiis Goatse?!]

Star Wars is garbage. I'm so glad I was never really exposed to it as a kid, seriously dangerous shit that turn people into degenerate manchildren. Everyone who's into some children's franchise grow out of it when they discover music, girls and drugs. The Turtles and Thundercats bullshit I cared about as a kid is also garbage, because children are idiots. But Star Wars fans remain like idiot children forever. The first Star Wars movie is just a shitty Hidden Fortress remake with puppets and bad actors. Get real.

[The Bill]

Winners don't do drugs, they watch Star Wars.

I agree with Ross on his whole Jedi rant.

[Necrometer]

I'm so glad I was never really exposed to it as a kid, seriously dangerous shit that turn people into degenerate manchildren.

oh, it sure can... we all know deez nuts

I'm aware of how the series (and movies in general) fill a spiritual hole in me. I'm glad not to be a total mush-brain over it, but if I had never been indoctrinated it'd just be replaced by something else that's probably even stupider

[Honky Kong 64]

watching any prequels is a bad idea (including that topher-inspired fan edit, which sucked), but Jedi does NOT suck.

I caved and tried watching a fan edit of all 3 prequels because my daughter kept asking me about Leia's mom and I instantly regretted it, stopped about a half hour in and now ignore her every time she brings it up.

[How Are Mortiis Goatse?!]

oh, it sure can... we all know deez nuts

I'm aware of how the series (and movies in general) fill a spiritual hole in me. I'm glad not to be a total mush-brain over it, but if I had never been indoctrinated it'd just be replaced by something else that's probably even stupider

Sure, I'd agree there's a link between artistic, aesthetic, liminal, and spiritual experiences. I just think it's weird so many people project this shit onto a children's blockbuster franchise. There would definitely be big overlapping areas in a Star Wars fandom/Brony venn diagram.

[hipster holocaust]

Winners don't do drugs, they make them.

Fixed.

[Necrometer]

...my daughter kept asking me about Leia's mom ... now ignore her every time she brings it up.

just show her that scene where Keira Knightley gets blown up and put the issue to rest

[Toilet Fleet]

watching any prequels is a bad idea (including that topher-inspired fan edit, which sucked), but Jedi does NOT suck. the first and third acts on their own completely crush, and so what if you have like 20 minutes of fursuit annoyance slowing the movie down in the middle... those moments contributed to a fuller story; I think - a place to have intimate treehouse chats and immolate vader while jubilous "yub nub"s are intoned. I'd certainly rather watch muppets trash empire gear using logs (almost said ripped off from Predator, but Jedi did it first!) than whatever the FUCK we were subjected to in the intro of that Ultron movie. Jedi can easily argued to be the worst of the OT, that's fine, but to say that it's not actually good is only reasonable if you're some grumpus that hates 'em all... which is fine but I don't think that's what we're talking about.

tl;dr fuckin nerd shit

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

evaluation of jedi requires context, ross. there's an artlessness to a lot of the shit that comes up in jedi that, even if it's part of some larger and pre-established narrative, makes a lot of the preceding and subsequent shit require a lot of homina-hominaing or hand-waving. like vader knowing about luke but not knowing or caring about leia. how? why? that's not some minor thing; he oversaw her torture. that's a huge thing when you're talking about a character that can identify the force like it's wine tannins and apparently has a heart—except when it comes to his actual daughter, where he's on mars with his eyes closed and his fingers in his ears, and will gladly direct the floating ball of pain to do all sorts of weird shit to his lady offspring.

the ewok thing would be excusable were it not a tedious and protracted deus ex machina. and i'm not saying it's bad front to back! even with the bumpiness of the vader having feelings bit, the scenes with the emperor are pretty much what makes the movie watchable. the mirroring of vader finding good versus luke resisting bad is very very good if you ignore the tripwires you had to traverse to get there. but it's not anywhere as smartly terse a story as iv or as engrossing as v. it's a very very very distant third; an okay sci-fi movie, and not much else.

[Chad]

Star Wars is garbage. I'm so glad I was never really exposed to it as a kid, seriously dangerous shit that turn people into degenerate manchildren. Everyone who's into some children's franchise grow out of it when they discover music, girls and drugs. The Turtles and Thundercats bullshit I cared about as a kid is also garbage, because children are idiots. But Star Wars fans remain like idiot children forever. The first Star Wars movie is just a shitty Hidden Fortress remake with puppets and bad actors. Get real.

this is kind of a special post...

I have to agree with this in full...

[The Bill]

Winners don't do drugs, they make them.

Fixed.

Especially the ones that make the drugs that fix old man boners. Are they Jedi?

[Necrometer]

hey chad: you believe in jesus. you sound like a total dummy right now...

tl;dr fuckin nerd shit

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

evaluation of jedi requires context, ross. there's an artlessness to a lot of the shit that comes up in jedi that, even if it's part of some larger and pre-established narrative, makes a lot of the preceding and subsequent shit require a lot of homina-hominaing or hand-waving. like vader knowing about luke but not knowing or caring about leia. how? why? that's not some minor thing; he oversaw her torture. that's a huge thing when you're talking about a character that can identify the force like it's wine tannins and apparently has a heart—except when it comes to his actual daughter, where he's on mars with his eyes closed and his fingers in his ears, and will gladly direct the floating ball of pain to do all sorts of weird shit to his lady offspring.

the ewok thing would be excusable were it not a tedious and protracted deus ex machina. and i'm not saying it's bad front to back! even with the bumpiness of the vader having feelings bit, the scenes with the emperor are pretty much what makes the movie watchable. the mirroring of vader finding good versus luke resisting bad is very very good if you ignore the tripwires you had to traverse to get there. but it's not anywhere as smartly terse a story as iv or as engrossing as v. it's a very very very distant third; an okay sci-fi movie, and not much else.

oh man your posts are always the best

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

the leia stuff is a super strong argument technically, but I'm just never going to feel something hit home when it essentially boils down to a massive plot hole spread across three movies. I'd definitely be furious about that sort of thing if it'd been a first-exposure-as-adult situation

your first point about context goes a long way to counter your claim about jedi occupying such a shit spot in the trilogy. I'll grant that it'd be a total mess if evaluated in isolation, but that's not at all how it was intended. not only is VI made better by the existence of IV and V, but it reciprocally makes those two into better movies. luke's transformation from whiny coward to wholly empowered agent is one of the most satisfying transformations out there (in terms of traditional/LCD/populist/feel-good narrative anyway). sure we get the same thing in microcosm by the end of the first movie, but the fall and rebound that take place over the next two movies is totally worth all/any tripwires. so yeah, the third entry is a mess on its own, but for me it's totally worth it to wrap things up.

do the anti-jedi people just watch (the first one maybe and) empire again and again, never getting catharsis? that's gotta do a number on one's soul...

[How Are Mortiis Goatse?!]

That's how the old men on the Jedi council were able to rape Anakin in Episode 1, it's in the subtext, it explains his character in Attack of the Clones

[Necrometer]

[Toilet Fleet]

you can make jedi way better if you a.) cut down the jabba's palace shit to like five solid minutes of leia actually springing han (everything thereafter is pretty unnecessary and waaaay overwrought with luke's inept-but-secretly-not-so rescue plans), b.) make the ewok intervention an intentional part of the plan and not some happy fuckin accident, and c.) make luke more socratic than sunday school teacher about how his dad is actually secret good; if vader's downfall was the result of gaslighting, self-reflection would be that motive force's ultimate undoing, and would stand more in contrast to the emperor's search-your-feelings appeal to the fog of emotion—WHICH BRINGS IT FULL CIRCLE

[Necrometer]

make luke more socratic than sunday school teacher about how his dad is actually secret good; if vader's downfall was the result of gaslighting, self-reflection would be that motive force's ultimate undoing, and would stand more in contrast to the emperor's search-your-feelings appeal to the fog of emotion—WHICH BRINGS IT FULL CIRCLE

[Necrometer]

I just watched the first one and TF's "vader should have noticed leia" thing doesn't bug me so much because he crosses paths with luke a few times and doesn't give many fucks. I realize that this is because twists were being implemented on the fly but if we try to make sense of it in-universe, I think vader probably just sucks at using the force. he's way out of practice and is numb to most everything external, perking up only once his old chum (a force outlier himself) shows up. vader' use of the force seems to flow out from him, while kenobi's is more about him being receptive to what's out there. vader mostly seems to use it as a bullying tool, not to boost perception. we can even take the prequels into account; anakin is consistently self-centered and far from enlightened. so I'm ok with him being clueless about his kids, who he's never spent any time with and aren't really doing forcey stuff themselves. yes, vader eventually senses that luke has some force aptitude in the first movie, but that's only after it's been awakened by a bit of training, which doesn't apply to leia.

[Eight Bit Alien]

I don't believe that they intended Vader to be Luke's father until writing the second film. Same with Luke and Leia being related. I don't think that the first movie was written with secret plot to be returned to in sequels.

[Toilet Fleet]

ross' account is good and well, but it is still very irksome that vader goes from "huh, holy shit, this guy down there in the space plane is good at force! i wonder who he is!" and then two movies later, is a human version of vessyl but for force-attuned-sibling-having

and i thought force-doing-stuff-with was something you were born with, unlike maybelline or heteronormative views on whether looking at dicks makes you gay; hence luke is all forced out and biggs is some mustachioed fry cook in a sky camaro. shouldn't vader have sensed leia's halo of force like how bears can smell lady periods, presumably because bears are really into fucked up sex shit with people?

wait do i hate the star wars movies now

[Necrometer]

vessyl, the SMART CUP?

IMO force is like music talent - potential is inborn but must be nurtured

heteronormative views on whether looking at dicks makes you gay

RIP electronicham

james I tried to address your concerns!

I realize that this is because twists were being implemented on the fly but if we try to make sense of it in-universe,

I guess I could've specified "sequel twists"

I'm specifically examining whether not kid recognition in the first movie is justification for trashing on a later movie… if we're gonna argue that jedi sucks because leia goes unnoticed, then empire sucks at least a bit because luke is treated sort of similarly

some other funny internet person suggested that vader doesn't figure out that luke is his son until he sees news reports about the hero/terrorist pilot also being named skywalker. I am sticking to the force-dolt hypothesis