Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
my area does learning and development work and today at a presentation our General Manager (ie. about 3rd in command of the whole department) did a speech and announced that the decision had been made about a tender for a new provider for our leadership training but that she couldn't remember their name but yay for us!!
only problem was that the consultants used for the presentation today had tendered for the same thing and hadn't actually been told yet they they were unsuccessful
another in the long line of gaffs from this GM
[/boring public service story]
only problem was that the consultants used for the presentation today had tendered for the same thing and hadn't actually been told yet they they were unsuccessful
another in the long line of gaffs from this GM
[/boring public service story]
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Hotchka! wrote:"I don't usually listen to Pantera but occasionally I like to play the fastest most brutal music there is."
Friendly Goatus wrote:I want to shout obscenities into her vagina and then whisper apologies into her butthole
monsterod wrote:I'm gonna skin my dick to this when I'm sober enough to cum.
Gunther wrote:shut up redneck
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
worker 1: ahhh there's a bee in here !
worker 2: oh it's a big one too !
worker 1: it must be a mother bee.
worker 2: yeah.
worker 2: oh it's a big one too !
worker 1: it must be a mother bee.
worker 2: yeah.
HEAD BOPPAZ RECORDS YOU BITCH-ASS HOES
- Frickin' Slayer
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
me "ya im n aquarius, we're an air sign"
her "no that's not true! im n aquarius too and we're a water sign! we're the water bearers!"
me " "
her bf "he knos his stuf,dont challenge him on it."
me " "
her "no that's not true! im n aquarius too and we're a water sign! we're the water bearers!"
me " "
her bf "he knos his stuf,dont challenge him on it."
me " "
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Streven Adler wrote:A: "so what was the patient admitted for?"
B: "bbq sauce"
A: "...what?"
B: "yeah... that was pretty much our reaction as well. she had bbq for dinner and regurgitated a bit of it up onto her shirt. for some reason the nurses at her facility thought she was having a gi bleed and called county."
A: "what the fuck am i supposed to write on the report?"
B: "i dunno... assisted living home nurses are stupid?"
C: "shit... we should make a stamp out of that, because we'd use it every day."
hipster holocaust wrote: What do you think they're doing up there right now? A smiling SLH listening to MLK's juicy wife cheating stories while Maya takes notes?
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
dude: hey what is this ?
me: death in june
dude: oh okay. sounded like mike patton.
me: ...
dude: are they from seattle ?
me: ...
me: death in june
dude: oh okay. sounded like mike patton.
me: ...
dude: are they from seattle ?
me: ...
HEAD BOPPAZ RECORDS YOU BITCH-ASS HOES
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
"you ever notice how words start to look weird when you stare at them for a while?"
"like 'system' is a weird word, but 'subsystem' is really weird"
we shuffled around in the building; my new cubemate is a genius.
she also scolded me because I put wrappers in her garbage can, and thought that was enough evidence to accuse me of also moving it. I explained that the cleaning people probably did it, while scheming of putting it in a different location each day.
"like 'system' is a weird word, but 'subsystem' is really weird"
we shuffled around in the building; my new cubemate is a genius.
she also scolded me because I put wrappers in her garbage can, and thought that was enough evidence to accuse me of also moving it. I explained that the cleaning people probably did it, while scheming of putting it in a different location each day.
SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW
Mallard's a workin
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Me: *knocks on door*
Him: "Oh man, I forgot we even ordered pizza."
Me: "Damn dude did I take that long?"
Him: "Nah. Cake Boss is on."
Me:
Him: "Oh man, I forgot we even ordered pizza."
Me: "Damn dude did I take that long?"
Him: "Nah. Cake Boss is on."
Me:
Friendly Goatus wrote:I want to shout obscenities into her vagina and then whisper apologies into her butthole
monsterod wrote:I'm gonna skin my dick to this when I'm sober enough to cum.
Gunther wrote:shut up redneck
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Oh, you mean the show where the surly, gruff, old guy that runs a business yells at his younger staff members for 30 or so minutes?From Blintzes to Crepes wrote:Me: *knocks on door*
Him: "Oh man, I forgot we even ordered pizza."
Me: "Damn dude did I take that long?"
Him: "Nah. Cake Boss is on."
Me:
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Oh, shit...guess I was thinking of another show...
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
A friend told me of a similar conversation recently. He bragged that he responded, "Ethiopean restaurant? What do they serve? Dirt? hahaha!"dominichorton wrote:Me: "In Edmonton I went to this really nice Ethiopean food place! Good prices, very nice staff..."
Balding Female 45 Year Old Co-Worker: "Ethiopean food? What was there flies, and tapeworms hahaha!"
Me: "..."
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
In general, I hate all of these shows that are "some random asshole who owns a business and based on that concept alone, I am supposed to give a fuck".TheDOAD wrote:man I hate cake boss so much.
The exception is Pawn Stars, which rules, but everything else is shit.
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
"How much are quarters?"
cranial separation
SEX WITH HER SEVERED HEAD
SEX WITH HER SEVERED HEAD
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
My cousin told me her supervisor asked her "how do you spell super? One p or two?"
Warning: this post may contain plagiarized text or language, some which may be above the poster's reading level.
- Mari_Mar
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
I have an employee who is extremely socially awkward. He's also extremely outgoing and feels the need to chime into every conversation. But he's clueless, fidgety, and usually waiting to talk, so he often fumbles comprehending what you're talking about, leaving everyone to stare at him and do this:
The other day I was talking to one of my other employees...
me: Who was that?
Emp1: One of the Workplace Services guys. He's trying to clean up the hallway...
me: Oh! The tall, bald guy?
Emp1: Yeah.
me: That guy is so creepy.
Emp1: *chuckles*
me: Seriously. Every time I'm walking down the hall he stops what he's doing, and stands there with this big creepy smile on his face. Then he says "hi" to me, all nervous when I pass him. It weirds me out...
GeekEmp: Aww... So being bald creeps you out?
me:
Emp1:
The other day I was talking to one of my other employees...
me: Who was that?
Emp1: One of the Workplace Services guys. He's trying to clean up the hallway...
me: Oh! The tall, bald guy?
Emp1: Yeah.
me: That guy is so creepy.
Emp1: *chuckles*
me: Seriously. Every time I'm walking down the hall he stops what he's doing, and stands there with this big creepy smile on his face. Then he says "hi" to me, all nervous when I pass him. It weirds me out...
GeekEmp: Aww... So being bald creeps you out?
me:
Emp1:
Pisscubes wrote:"Females, as a whole, are horrible, souless creatures bent on the destruction of males".
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Mari, you gonna git raped in a broom closet.
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
I think jakebonz may be right Mari, carry a weapon.
\m/Johnny\m/ wrote:
I guess there's crippling, life shattering levels of alcoholism, and then there's Lemmy.
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
I know!
Pisscubes wrote:"Females, as a whole, are horrible, souless creatures bent on the destruction of males".
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
I want to hear more stories about this guy.
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Manager: "Dan, I'm trying to knock out five birds w/ one stone. Can you look at blahblah for me?"
I think he means he's got 5 tasks. Not that all 5 tasks have one common solution.
I think he means he's got 5 tasks. Not that all 5 tasks have one common solution.
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Oh god! They happen all the time!
GeekEmp: So, this friend of mine is having me plan his bachelor party.
me: Really? Are you his best man?
GeekEmp: Well... that's the thing... no. But, I know the city better than any of them because I was born and raised here, and I go out all the time, and stuff...
me: Oh... So, what are you planning?
GeekEmp: Oh, I figure we could go to North Beach because of all the restaurants there. And then we can go have fun in the strip clubs up and down Broadway.
me: Yeah... If your idea of fun is getting lap dances from strippers with bullet wounds and missing teeth...
GeekEmp: *nervous disingenuous chuckle* No, nothing that crazy...
me: ... Have you ever been in the strip clubs on Broadway?
GeekEmp: Yeah... Once...
me: And you didn't think the girls were nasty in there???
GeekEmp: Well... yeah... but, we went kinda early, so I thought it was just the day crew or something, and they bring in the really smokin' girls at night.
me:
*Broadway is notorious for having low-grade strip clubs.
GeekEmp: So, this friend of mine is having me plan his bachelor party.
me: Really? Are you his best man?
GeekEmp: Well... that's the thing... no. But, I know the city better than any of them because I was born and raised here, and I go out all the time, and stuff...
me: Oh... So, what are you planning?
GeekEmp: Oh, I figure we could go to North Beach because of all the restaurants there. And then we can go have fun in the strip clubs up and down Broadway.
me: Yeah... If your idea of fun is getting lap dances from strippers with bullet wounds and missing teeth...
GeekEmp: *nervous disingenuous chuckle* No, nothing that crazy...
me: ... Have you ever been in the strip clubs on Broadway?
GeekEmp: Yeah... Once...
me: And you didn't think the girls were nasty in there???
GeekEmp: Well... yeah... but, we went kinda early, so I thought it was just the day crew or something, and they bring in the really smokin' girls at night.
me:
*Broadway is notorious for having low-grade strip clubs.
Last edited by Mari_Mar on Thu Jun 16, 2011 1:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Pisscubes wrote:"Females, as a whole, are horrible, souless creatures bent on the destruction of males".
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
HAHAHAHA!ratanda wrote:Manager: "Dan, I'm trying to knock out five birds w/ one stone. Can you look at blahblah for me?"
I think he means he's got 5 tasks. Not that all 5 tasks have one common solution.
Pisscubes wrote:"Females, as a whole, are horrible, souless creatures bent on the destruction of males".
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
Haha that story sounded more like him being dumb than socially awkward. Reminds me of some old coworkers of mine who considered any area that wasn't suburban Atlanta to be "downtown."Mari_Mar wrote: *Broadway is notorious for having low-grade strip clubs.
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
He's the source of nearly all my contributions to this thread.Mari_Mar wrote:HAHAHAHA!ratanda wrote:Manager: "Dan, I'm trying to knock out five birds w/ one stone. Can you look at blahblah for me?"
I think he means he's got 5 tasks. Not that all 5 tasks have one common solution.
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Re: Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread
His social awkwardness comes from his delivery. Everything from his constantly shifty eyes, to his nervous tone, to the fumbling idiocy of things he says... It's a little difficult for me to capture.ratanda wrote:Haha that sounded more dumb than socially awkward. Reminds me of some old coworkers of mine who considered any area that wasn't suburban Atlanta to be "downtown."
Within three weeks of me hiring him...
GeekEmp: Aww... what's wrong?
me: I feel fat today...
GeekEmp: But you look great!
me: thank...
GeekEmp: And you have GORGEOUS eyes!!!
me:
Last edited by Mari_Mar on Fri Jun 17, 2011 12:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Pisscubes wrote:"Females, as a whole, are horrible, souless creatures bent on the destruction of males".