Expensive-looking 50 Shades of Grey thread of mommy-porn

[huh.]

What a hack.

I've yet to know anyone admitting they read this crap, thankfully. Obviously reads as the fantasies of uneducated and bored 50-something divorcees, imagining themselves as a nubile virgin "taken" by a dominant, wealthy and attractive...ginger.

[riley-o]

I really hope she threw a British spelling after "disorientated"

[EEEOOOEEEOOOEEEOOO]

"As a carrier of a Target RedCard..."

I'm going to try this line some day.

[How Are Mortiis Goatse?!]

Christian opened the luxuriously ornamented bedroom door, and Ana was greeted with a remarkable, pricey looking chandelier, and there on the wall, framed with jewel encrusted frames, hung an original yellow goat Bathory LP and Burzum - Aske MLP with zippo lighter. She asked him how he could get such kvlt vinyl and he murmured "they were only 1000 euros on eBay!" before his mouth pressed into a line and he reached his long finger for her inner goddess' vagina.

Suddenly the closet door opened and an expensive looking black midget wearing only a diamond studded collar and D&G designer sneakers emerged from the darkness. Oh jeez! A big grin appeared on Christian face as he gestured with his free hand for the dark little fella to come over. Oh my! Christian looks so hot with a Pygmee's tongue working his taint!

After Christian had fingered a thousand orgasms out of her vagina and no part of her lower intestine remained untouched by black midget saliva, he rolled over and looked at her with affection. "What do you say, kid?" he murmured with a mischievous smile, "Let's get some Burger King drivethru, and can order other things than the stuff on the dollar menu!"

Oh jeez!

[THE KILL]

Pages and pages of mad posts about some shitty porn book... calm down people and enjoy the comedy. This isn't the Decline of the West, women's brains are just wired in a really retarded way when it comes to sex. No one has seriously claimed that this is literature/ art. I'm going to sound like a PC fuck here (wouldn't be the first time anyway), but I don't even think the fact that this has sold millions of copies is reason for concern (Idiocracy? come on man. porn is always idiotic), I'd rather say everybody should be happy that many many women buy porn and get off on it. I'm sure we'll all benefit from it in the end.

[james]

Pages and pages of mad posts about some shitty porn book... calm down people and enjoy the comedy. This isn't the Decline of the West, women's brains are just wired in a really retarded way when it comes to sex. No one has seriously claimed that this is literature/ art. I'm going to sound like a PC fuck here (wouldn't be the first time anyway), but I don't even think the fact that this has sold millions of copies is reason for concern (Idiocracy? come on man. porn is always idiotic), I'd rather say everybody should be happy that many many women buy porn and get off on it. I'm sure we'll all benefit from it in the end.

NO WE'RE LIVING IN A LITERARY APOCALYPSE AND EVERYONE'S STUPID AND YOU'D HAVE TO HAVE A VAGINA BRAIN DISEASE TO GET OFF ON THIS BOOK

[Kurt Russell's Beard]

Pages and pages of mad posts about some shitty porn book... calm down people and enjoy the comedy. This isn't the Decline of the West, women's brains are just wired in a really retarded way when it comes to sex. No one has seriously claimed that this is literature/ art. I'm going to sound like a PC fuck here (wouldn't be the first time anyway), but I don't even think the fact that this has sold millions of copies is reason for concern (Idiocracy? come on man. porn is always idiotic), I'd rather say everybody should be happy that many many women buy porn and get off on it. I'm sure we'll all benefit from it in the end.

I hear there's not a lot of sex in it, though. It doesn't really seem like porn. I don't think women are all over it because of that.

I think it's like Twilight, except instead of vampires the hook is being cared for by a rich man.

It's like a poorly written romance novel.

[james]

I really hope she threw a British spelling after "disorientated"

she is from the uk

[Whee of the Dead]

whactha readin fer?

[Raw Ting]

Translation: "my old lady is reading it and I don't want to face up to how intellectually challenged she is."

[james]

I don't get the selective outrage over what this board makes fun of? Shitty music? Go ahead-- 20 plus page thread! Shitty people? For sure-- A MAN AND A WOMAN MEET!! Shitty books? Stop being butthurt intellectuals.

Hahaha man I don't think anyone's saying that this shouldn't be made fun of. If they are then that is stupid.

Personally though I always feel at least a touch of whenever anyone takes any pop culture craze and uses it to go "Look at this symbol of moral/intellectual/cultural bankruptcy/decline! Things are worse now than they were before!"

I mean if someone made a thread about Mexico and posted a bunch of pictures of hideously mutilated cartel victims and said "Man some parts of Mexico are way more violent and fucked up than they once were" I wouldn't fucking argue. But I do think it's pretty silly to take a goofy novel and get all doomsday preacher about it. That's just my personality though.

[Dr Yail Bloor]

i'm just suprised the programme doesnt exist that writes books by itself, all you do is input what genre you would like and away it goes.
Art itself will be obsolete/underground in a hundred years time.

[Necrometer]

I'm 100% with The Kill, but I am also totally enjoying Geoff & KRB's mourning of literature. It's absurdist but awesome. I wonder if there are some women on a cinema forum somewhere just finding out about blue movies and absolutely losing their minds with rage...

[Necrometer]

There are "musicians" in popular "bands" that don't even do anything and just dance around over a sync track. We accept it as part of that medium because musicality isn't the focus.

I hear there's not a lot of sex in it, though. It doesn't really seem like porn. I don't think women are all over it because of that.

I think it's like Twilight, except instead of vampires the hook is being cared for by a rich man.

It's like a poorly written romance novel.

Right, but romance novels are definitely female porn (and those have been hilarious for a long time now). And these things are funny because (like filmed porn) they sometimes fall into the chasm between proper art and utilitarian/LCD smut. I think we (as men) are particularly amused by the shit because it less clearly registers as erotic (since it's built for differently-wired brains) and it therefore registers as attempted-literature exclusively.

[Kurt Russell's Beard]

Popular literature has been shit for a while now...even most of my favorite waiting-in-an-airport authors have had their talent (and what seems like their will to live) destroyed. I have no idea what's happening...if it isn't Western culture going down the shitter it feels like everyone just gave up all at the same time.

There are very real numbers to back up the decline of literature. And it's not just that bookstores have closed because everyone has moved their business to Amazon. The number of books sold, period, anywhere, has been in serious decline. The only feeding frenzies in reading lately have been these poorly-written series that emotionally manipulate kids and women, since their minds are weak, so that's what publishers are trying to push. I can't complain. I'm here wasting time on a message board instead of reading.

[Necrometer]

I'm here wasting time on a message board instead of reading.

Is someone dictating it to you?

[Kurt Russell's Beard]

Right, but romance novels are definitely female porn (and those have been hilarious for a long time now). And these things are funny because (like filmed porn) they sometimes fall into the chasm between proper art and utilitarian/LCD smut. I think we (as men) are particularly amused by the shit because it less clearly registers as erotic (since it's built for differently-wired brains) and it therefore registers as attempted-literature exclusively.

Yup, you're right about that.

[Whee of the Dead]

Aren't these type of bashings the main reason we're on this forum, Ross? Do you think I can go to work and hear people rant about this shit and Prometheus?

[Necrometer]

Popular literature has been shit for a while now...even most of my favorite waiting-in-an-airport authors have had their talent (and what seems like their will to live) destroyed. I have no idea what's happening...if it isn't Western culture going down the shitter it feels like everyone just gave up all at the same time.

There are very real numbers to back up the decline of literature. And it's not just that bookstores have closed because everyone has moved their business to Amazon. The number of books sold, period, anywhere, has been in serious decline. The only feeding frenzies in reading lately have been these poorly-written series that emotionally manipulate kids and women, since their minds are weak, so that's what publishers are trying to push. I can't complain. I'm here wasting time on a message board instead of reading.

This. All of it.

I think this very real trend is coincident to a romance novel going viral, though... the fact that mommies even have e-readers on which to consume their mommy-porn might even be taken as a positive thing? Again, people are probably just reading Twilight and Harry Potter on them. Blame capitalism, like I always do.

[Necrometer]

Aren't these type of bashings the main reason we're on this forum, Ross? Do you think I can go to work and hear people rant about this shit and Prometheus?

Thank you. Because, honestly, I'm not ANYWHERE in real life subjecting people to my rants about this book or the decline of literature. Seriously. I just am in complain and argue mode when I post here sometimes, and it's fun. Not saying I don't believe what I've said here-- I do-- but I'm not at work telling doctors "HAVE YOU READ THIS 50 SHADE OF GREY BULLSHIT??"

I am also totally enjoying Geoff & KRB's mourning of literature.

[Necrometer]

The thing I'm most guilty of in the past 10 years is in no way challenging myself with new books. I'd say two out of every three books I read are "re-reads" of things I either love a ton or haven't read in so many years that I want to see if they stand up. It's been a while since I've really found and fell in love with a new author and that smacks of poser.

Does this trend apply with other entertainment/art mediums? Music, film? I have the similar experience and I think a lot of people do as they age. It's a combination of things being less impressive as you become a refined appreciator (aka being jaded?), things actually tending to be crappier nowadays (or is this a phantom effect carried over from being jaded?), and simply lacking the (free)time/energy to dig new stuff up... and it's a negative feedback cycle when you do bother: "hey, that experiment in new stuff didn't pay off - back to the classics!"

[Kurt Russell's Beard]

Most of my book purchases in the last five years have been buying the classics, or re-buying my beloved paperbacks as hardcovers. I don't read a lot of new fiction. Because most of it is a waste of time. Seriously. Age vets great works, it's not a perfect system, some worthwhile novels are buried (but that's part of the fun, finding them), but you know that a classic has some value. Take the year 1867, for example. We have two good novels from that year, Dostoevsky's The Gambler, and Ibsen's Peer Gynt. Yet thousands of novels were released that year. And we recognize two as really notable. Maybe the year 2012 will have two novels that in 100 years they'll look back on as being wonderful. But I'm not going to wade through a hundred new novels this year and try to find them, fuck that. I'm going to look at the great novels we already know are pretty great. A man could blindly read new novels all his life and never accidentally read the good ones. Fuck that kind of life.

[Raw Ting]

The thing I'm most guilty of in the past 10 years is in no way challenging myself with new books. I'd say two out of every three books I read are "re-reads" of things I either love a ton or haven't read in so many years that I want to see if they stand up. It's been a while since I've really found and fell in love with a new author and that smacks of poser.

Does this trend apply with other entertainment/art mediums? Music, film? I have the similar experience and I think a lot of people do as they age. It's a combination of things being less impressive as you become a refined appreciator (aka being jaded?), things actually tending to be crappier nowadays (or is this a phantom effect carried over from being jaded?), and simply lacking the (free)time/energy to dig new stuff up... and it's a negative feedback cycle when you do bother: "hey, that experiment in new stuff didn't pay off - back to the classics!"

I was just thinking about this the other day, when trying to discover new bands. I always find myself going back to the tried and true, the cream of the crop. I don't want to wade through endless piles of shit to find one stand out band, but every now and then when it does happen it is cool. Jaded at 25

[riley-o]

I really hope she threw a British spelling after "disorientated"

she is from the uk

Yeah but she immediately points that out like she's one-upping you, "I know I'm going to get called on this being wrong, but I'm actually right ! Surprise !" It's that she assumes her audience won't know there's differences in British English but assumes they'll know those words are "wrong" that's presumptuous and funny. Like, is her inbox just getting flooded with emails pointing out that she spelled instalment wrong ?!

[Kurt Russell's Beard]

http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/07/06/tak ... -vacation/

Sweeping the nation. End times.