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Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:59 pm**

WINSTON WOLFE wrote:
Bored001 wrote:
"Who am I? I'm with BB."

That's right...BB King has an entourage...and they're assholes. These people exist.
.
I think any member of an "entourage" would be assholes. They kiss ass to be part of the entourage for that reason, methinks.

Hahaha...yes...I can't imagine this NOT being true.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:03 pm**

Bored001 wrote:
WINSTON WOLFE wrote:
Bored001 wrote:
"Who am I? I'm with BB."

That's right...BB King has an entourage...and they're assholes. These people exist.
.
I think any member of an "entourage" would be assholes. They kiss ass to be part of the entourage for that reason, methinks.
Hahaha...yes...I can't imagine this NOT being true.

Yeah, I want more stories.
I want to clarify, when I asked for stories of male groupies, I mean male groupies of male artists. I've always thought they were the lowest form of life in music.

Thread delivers.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:10 pm**

Eight Foot Manchild wrote:
WINSTON WOLFE wrote:Tell m a Yngwie Malmsteen story.
He finished every demand with "like, NOW." As in "I need moar keyboard in dis moneetoor... like, NOW." He also had plumber butt through the whole show.

I know there is a good story when he was here a few years ago.. gave the runner specific instructions to get a bag of double cheeseburgers but then threw a fit like a little bitch when he got them an were cold, and DEMANDED the runner to go back and get hot ones.

I think they tried to trick him and just microwaved the burgers but that didn't work, and malmsteen proceeded to flip the fuck out again and forced him to get new ones or he wouldn't play the show. Then sat in the back stage alone stuffing his face.. I know the promoter had even more ridiculous stories of that fat fuck.. I think he made the sound guy turn up the guitars so loud in the monitors that they were about to blow the system, but Yngwie wouldn't let'em turn it down at all..

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:54 pm**

Thread rules.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:59 pm**

valgalder wrote:
Eight Foot Manchild wrote:
WINSTON WOLFE wrote:Tell m a Yngwie Malmsteen story.
He finished every demand with "like, NOW." As in "I need moar keyboard in dis moneetoor... like, NOW." He also had plumber butt through the whole show.

I know there is a good story when he was here a few years ago.. gave the runner specific instructions to get a bag of double cheeseburgers but then threw a fit like a little bitch when he got them an were cold, and DEMANDED the runner to go back and get hot ones.

I think they tried to trick him and just microwaved the burgers but that didn't work, and malmsteen proceeded to flip the fuck out again and forced him to get new ones or he wouldn't play the show. Then sat in the back stage alone stuffing his face.. I know the promoter had even more ridiculous stories of that fat fuck.. I think he made the sound guy turn up the guitars so loud in the monitors that they were about to blow the system, but Yngwie wouldn't let'em turn it down at all..

you didn't mention the KFC part

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 5:06 pm**

yeah, I can't remember the details about the KFC part that Billy was telling... There was a thread on the WNY music board that the promoter posted that had all the details of that day, but appears to be gone now.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:12 pm**

WINSTON WOLFE wrote:Yeah, I want more stories.
I want to clarify, when I asked for stories of male groupies, I mean male groupies of male artists. I've always thought they were the lowest form of life in music.

It is my experience that male artists couldn't give less of a shit about male groupies - or "moupies" as I just now decided they're called - unless they're part of a rap posse or something. Female groupies are all about the novelty cock (something women in general seem to have a fascination with), whereas all moupies want to do is be friends and jam with their pet fave musicians, or talk about gear, or ask them how to go about getting an endorsement from Sabian or whatever. Some of them are nice enough to play along.

Victor Wooten, for example, is astoundingly patient. I watched him do a meet and greet in which every tool in the audience had to take five minutes to explain how they once played a session with this or that kazoo player who was the same kazoo player that played on Wooten's album, and Wooten did a great job of pretending to give a shit about being vicariously related before wishing them luck in their career.

I imagine Yngwie is a total piece of shit to his moupies, kind of like he is to everyone else. I think it's understandable though.

It's like, imagine if you worked in a burger joint, and there was some guy you didn't know who did nothing all day but look over your shoulder while you worked and said "DUDE! SICK BURGER FLIP, BRO... it's like you're not even trying... hey, why do you prefer the Gladware spatula over the OXO stainless steel spatula? I personally find that they each have their advantages, but it depends on the job you're trying to do, y'know? I started putting the cheese on the burger after toasting the bun, just like I saw you do earlier... yeah, so anyway, my second cousin's ex-wife's nephew works for Gladware, said he can get me a sick endorsement, bro..."

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:28 pm**

Who kicked who's ass? Tell me of confrontations.

Who has the most bizarre idiosyncrasies, and what are they?

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:51 pm**

regressionissues wrote:
Eight Foot Manchild wrote:That's not even scratching the surface. If you have a specific celeb you want dirt on (especially a musician or comedian), hit me up. If I haven't worked with them before, I'll make something up that's probably true.
Dane Cook
David Cross
Katt Williams
Cedric the Entertainer
Mitch Fatel
Carlos Mencia
Journey
Rage Against the Machine/Audioslave/Chris Cornell
Coldplay
John Mayer
Jason Mraz
Any and all American Idol products

You've been "hit up" so get to dishing the dirt

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:58 pm**

regressionissues wrote:Dane Cook

Dane Cook is a douchebag. Everything you believe about him is true.

regressionissues wrote:David Cross

David Cross is easily distracted. Before the show, I was standing in the house, cracking my knuckles, and he said "could you please not do that". He said it like a statement, not a question. Then, during the performance, I opened the backstage door so one of the crew guys could go outside and smoke. He stopped his routine and started joking about the open door. You can see this in his latest stand-up DVD, Bigger and Blackerer, available on Netflix.

regressionissues wrote:Katt Williams

Katt Williams is short. And black. For these reasons, I almost tripped over him backstage in 2004.

regressionissues wrote:Cedric the Entertainer

Should have been called Cedric the Vaguely Amuser.

regressionissues wrote:Mitch Fatel

No idea who this is but I'm sure his shit stinks.

regressionissues wrote:Carlos Mencia

Carlos Mencia has delusions of grandeur. He insisted on about four times as much security as was necessary. I didn't get a chance to interact with him much, but I imagine his real voice sounds like Anthony Michael Hall in the Breakfast Club.

regressionissues wrote:Journey

Journey are screaming divas. They bring personalized chairs on tour to put in their dressing rooms. Also, their music is terrible.

regressionissues wrote:Rage Against the Machine/Audioslave/Chris Cornell

Tom Morello is a hypocrite. He had us buy a load of replacement strings from Guitar Center rather than the mom n pop music store because it was closer. Way to rage, faggot.

regressionissues wrote:Coldplay

Coldplay... hmm. Well, the guy from Coldplay got some kind of honorary award from Berklee, but left the building, along with Melissa Etheridge, before the actual ceremony. I'm not saying they're fuckin, but I'm not saying they're not.

regressionissues wrote:John Mayer

John Mayer is an OK guy. "WHAT?" I hear you say, "IMPOSSIBLE! HE IS CLEARLY AN ABOMINABLE TWAT!". No, he's actually pleasant. He personally thanked everyone, including the crew, who helped him put on a clinic at Berklee (for free). He patiently answered every hair-brained non-question from the audience, then played a few of his favorite delta blues songs, to the chagrin of most of those in attendance. No, I have nothing bad to say about John Mayer.

regressionissues wrote:Jason Mraz

Jason Mraz and anyone whose ever heard a song of his from beginning to end could disappear of the face of the earth and God himself wouldn't notice.

regressionissues wrote:Any and all American Idol products

Was Taylor Swift on American Idol?

Taylor Swift is highly assassinatable. I walked right out of the parking area of Gillette Stadium, past her security and hordes of stage crew, and stood about eight feet away from her for like ten minutes.

That's a general trade secret, for anyone who cares: If you can walk with confidence and look like you belong, you can get in ANYWHERE.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:00 pm**

david cross seems like a complete prima donna.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:03 pm**

LIVE ON THE SCENE EXCLUSIVE UPDATE!

In addition to being greedy, vain, forgetful and ignorant of the blacker metals of the world, Lauryn Hill thinks I don't have a life outside this venue. Doors were at 8. Show was supposed to be at 9. It is now 10:02pm.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:08 pm**

At least the DJ is spinning Biggie.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:26 pm**

Please tell me of P. Diddy, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Ludacris, Ol Dirty Bastard, and anyone from the Wu-Tang clan.

edit: and Mariah Carey, Madonna, Celine Dion, Lady Gaga and Kate Perry

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:28 pm**

haha just read through this thread

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:32 pm**

Eight Foot Manchild wrote:(xiv) One (1) large fruit platter, enough for 14 people
(xv) Small veggie platter, enough for 14 people

i don't know what kind of bullshit disrespect of vegetable worth iglesias thinks he is running under the radar here but fuck all that

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:37 pm**

Some of the most pathetic douchebaggery I've ever seen was on the part of really small bands...the kind of stuff where they're such incredible assholes and the gap between what they are and how they see themselves is so fucking large it just stuns you.

This thread is great. More tales!

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:57 pm**

So my boss just caught me writing in this thread. I expected to be reprimanded, but instead he told me to share this story:

Apparently, several years ago, Sergio Mendes came by for a show and insisted on having a personal assistant to accompany him at all times. They gave him a college chick who worked here at the time, and he took a liking to her and started weaving a web of Brazilian suavericity in which to ensnare her. At one point he brought her into his dressing room under the pretense of having her learn the vocal part for one his songs, telling her that she had the most gorgeous singing voice he had ever heard. After sitting at the piano for a few minutes, he decided to make his move. He suddenly said, "my, it's hot in here" and promptly dropped trou. The girl ran in the bathroom across the hall from the dressing room and locked herself in. Sergio Mendes stood outside the door, bare-assed to the world, imploring her to come out. Some weeks later, the chick got an e-mail from him (he got her address earlier that night), and in it he made it seem like she was intimidated by his sexuality because she had never been with a black man before, but he understood anyway.

Sergio Mendes is a pervert.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:08 pm**

Eight Foot Manchild wrote:Sergio Mendes is awesome.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:09 pm**

Eight Foot Manchild wrote:
regressionissues wrote:
regressionissues wrote:David Cross
David Cross is easily distracted. Before the show, I was standing in the house, cracking my knuckles, and he said "could you please not do that". He said it like a statement, not a question. Then, during the performance, I opened the backstage door so one of the crew guys could go outside and smoke. He stopped his routine and started joking about the open door. You can see this in his latest stand-up DVD, Bigger and Blackerer, available on Netflix.

Haha,

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:10 pm**

Lauryn Hill walked onstage to a very restless crowd at 11:06, after a three hour long DJ opening act. The curfew is 12. If I die in a riot, let this thread be a record of my glorious life in the margins of the limelight.

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:11 pm**

does Lauryn Hill look kinda beat nowadays?

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:31 pm**

You delivered, 8ft MC, good work.

..the fuck's Gabriel Iglasias, that fat Mexican with the baby voice?

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:00 pm**

Bored001 wrote:Some of the most pathetic douchebaggery I've ever seen was on the part of really small bands...the kind of stuff where they're such incredible assholes and the gap between what they are and how they see themselves is so fucking large it just stuns you.

This thread is great. More tales!

hahahaha....yes....I agree, Bored....

Posted: **Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:04 pm**

Eight Foot Manchild wrote:That's a general trade secret, for anyone who cares: If you can walk with confidence and look like you belong, you can get in ANYWHERE.

I feel the need to elaborate on this.

I can't tell you how many gigs I've gone to where the entrance requirements consisted entirely of saying "I'm here for the load in/load out/run crew/etc." to some seventeen year-old, Harry Potter-looking pipsqueak in a blue jacket. No ID asked for, no supervisor checked with, nothing.

It's that easy to get into literally any kind of venue you can think of, from small clubs to football arenas. Just say it with confidence, and be sure to walk around like you own the place once you get inside - try not to look bewildered. No one will fuck with you.

Props help, too. If you have a tool belt, you are unstoppable, but something as innocuous as a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee is enough to plant the psychological seed in a security guard's mind - "aha, that guy clearly belongs here, he's walking with purpose" - that will allow you to roam freely.

I theorize that part of the problem is the bystander effect. A lot of venues, especially big ones, have so many different crews of people - local crew, road crew, stadium staff, various production teams, vendors, etc. - that any time someone doesn't recognize you, they assume you're part of a team they're not familiar with.

I just hope terrorists aren't aware of how staggeringly easy it is to go wherever the fuck you please in this country.

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