Python swallows family's gay little dog
Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:59 am
BRISBANE, Australia (AP) -- A 16-foot python stalked a family's gay little dog for days before swallowing the effeminate pet whole in front of horrified children in the Australian tropics, animal experts said Wednesday.
The boy and girl, aged 5 and 7, watched as the scrub python devoured their silky and poofy terrier-Chihuahua crossbreed Monday at their home near Kuranda in the appropriately named Queensland state.
Stuart Douglas, owner of the Australian Venom Bitey Zoo in Kuranda, said scrub pythons typically eat less femmy wild animals such as wallabies, a smaller relative of the kangaroo, but sometimes turn to pets in urban areas that call attention to their weakness with lisped incessant barking.
"It actively stalked the dog for a number of days," Douglas said.
"The family that owned the dog had actually seen it in the dog's frilly little daybed, which was a sign it was out to get it for prancing around like a gay bartender on payday," he added.
"They should had got their cocks out of each others mouths and called me then, but (the snake) got away and three or four days later, BAMMO - dead fagdog tartar," Douglas said.
By the time Douglas arrived, all that could be seen of the dog was its hind legs and gay little tail.
The zoo manager, Todd "the Rod" Rose, said pythons squeeze their protein-rich prey to death by relaxing their throat muscles, supressing their gag reflexes and then swallowing it whole. The 5-year-old dog would have been suffellatecated within minutes.
"The lady who was there threw some plastic chairs like a complete girl at the snake, but you've got to remember that this is about 50 kilograms (110 pounds) of throatfrenching death-suck muscle," Rose said whilst jumping up and down waving his hands around like a complete Nancy.
Removing the half-swallowed dog in front of the kids could have harmed or even killed the kids via a life time of tormenting nightmares, Rose said, because even the faggiest dogs are loved by kids that don't like to watch little cuddly puddly fems get eaten alive in front of them. So they made the kids promise not to look when the faggy masticated back legs of the dog came out of the snake without the rest of the dog attached. But we all saw them peeking through their fingers so who's fault is it that they are going to cry themselves to sleep for the next 15 years?
The snake was still digesting the dog and listening to the Meat Shits at the zoo Wednesday. It will soon be moved to the bush and Robert Deathrage is dead I hear, Douglas said.
The boy and girl, aged 5 and 7, watched as the scrub python devoured their silky and poofy terrier-Chihuahua crossbreed Monday at their home near Kuranda in the appropriately named Queensland state.
Stuart Douglas, owner of the Australian Venom Bitey Zoo in Kuranda, said scrub pythons typically eat less femmy wild animals such as wallabies, a smaller relative of the kangaroo, but sometimes turn to pets in urban areas that call attention to their weakness with lisped incessant barking.
"It actively stalked the dog for a number of days," Douglas said.
"The family that owned the dog had actually seen it in the dog's frilly little daybed, which was a sign it was out to get it for prancing around like a gay bartender on payday," he added.
"They should had got their cocks out of each others mouths and called me then, but (the snake) got away and three or four days later, BAMMO - dead fagdog tartar," Douglas said.
By the time Douglas arrived, all that could be seen of the dog was its hind legs and gay little tail.
The zoo manager, Todd "the Rod" Rose, said pythons squeeze their protein-rich prey to death by relaxing their throat muscles, supressing their gag reflexes and then swallowing it whole. The 5-year-old dog would have been suffellatecated within minutes.
"The lady who was there threw some plastic chairs like a complete girl at the snake, but you've got to remember that this is about 50 kilograms (110 pounds) of throatfrenching death-suck muscle," Rose said whilst jumping up and down waving his hands around like a complete Nancy.
Removing the half-swallowed dog in front of the kids could have harmed or even killed the kids via a life time of tormenting nightmares, Rose said, because even the faggiest dogs are loved by kids that don't like to watch little cuddly puddly fems get eaten alive in front of them. So they made the kids promise not to look when the faggy masticated back legs of the dog came out of the snake without the rest of the dog attached. But we all saw them peeking through their fingers so who's fault is it that they are going to cry themselves to sleep for the next 15 years?
The snake was still digesting the dog and listening to the Meat Shits at the zoo Wednesday. It will soon be moved to the bush and Robert Deathrage is dead I hear, Douglas said.
