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I don't want to derail the generation thread and just recently I've done some pretty elderly shit and I'm just wondering if this is just something that happens or some odd things I've experienced that are not connected to aging. Anyway, the other day I was in Nashville with my mom looking for bars and I googled "punk bar" and the next week at home I noticed I googled "punk shows near me" also my coworker is 29 and talking about gps and how much the MapQuest days sucked and I you-dont-know-how-good-you-had-it'ed him so hard with the knowledge of Thomas guide use I thought I was going to go to jail

I complain about how the weather affects my knee.

I bought a house on a golf course

Some shitty pop song comes on at work

Person number one: oh man this song takes me back to middle school!

Person number two: I was 7

Me: …when did this song come out?

Them: 2008!

::me leaving for some lunchtime scotch::

at every response in this thread. also, yeah i know that feeling, pal. my little brother is 20 years old!

I think reading glasses are in my not so far off future.

sat on my balls on saturday, sat on em even worse today

FVBTVS wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2023 4:52 pm sat on my balls on saturday, sat on em even worse today

I call this pullin a Rudy

My biggest fear is to feel the cold toilet water with my balls when I sit down. One of the most unfortunate vivid moments of my childhood was going to visit my 90 year old great grandfather at his senior home one time and for some reason I was in the room when they were helping him get dressed. His balls were almost down to his knees. Of course I didn’t figure out what that really was until much later in life but it now has me contemplating getting an old school jock strap.

Geeheeb wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2023 5:59 pm

FVBTVS wrote: ↑Mon Apr 17, 2023 4:52 pm sat on my balls on saturday, sat on em even worse today

I call this pullin a Rudy

boxer briefs, yo. Switched over in my 20s, and never looked back.

boxer briefs cant magically cure saggy old man balls

sweat

Hyperextended my neck about a decade ago during martial arts, now I can tell if it's gonna rain based on how far right I can't look

Today, I’m cooking with fennel for the first time.

I’ve also been using parsnips.

A couple weeks ago I was in a burger place near Harvard University, at lunchtime. Place has two touchscreen registers, and a line of about 15 or 20 people waiting to use them, a line stretching back to the entrance door. Once I'm next in line, one of the registers frees up and I watch this ~19 year old pud-whapper in sweatpants swoop in and start ordering.

I walk behind him saying "Really? You're not waiting in line? Are we really doing this today?" and after like ten seconds of this he suddenly regains his sense of hearing and turns to me surprised. He stammered some bullshit about he thought there were two different lines, and I said no, there is only one line, and it starts at the other end. I stepped in front of the register and started ordering myself.

He didn't do shit, but he also just fucking stood there, waiting for me to be done so he could do the same fucking thing to the next schmuck, who was almost certainly more polite than me. So after a while of this, I turned to him and said "The line starts back there. That's where you should go!" like I was talking to a five year old. I think he just ended up splitting.

Harvard is funny, there were also some seriously Hogwarts-looking students in their house colors and shit but at least they waited their turn.

Alternately, when I turned 30 I bought two Shriners parade motorcycles and threw my back out

You should have screamed “I was in ID mother fucker!!” at the top of your lungs and then started playing a blast beat on his face.

The last thing I need is him desperately trying to suck my dick when I am in a public hamburger restaurant

i dunno a beej in mcdonalds does sound pretty legendary. of course it probably happens everyday in detroit but still

1993. A time of darkness.

I pulled into the lot riding two motorcycles. A bitch was sucking my dick but I didn't care, so I said "shut up" and kicked her head off.

I walked up to the line and a guy tried to cut me off. "Feeling lucky today punk?" I said, as I pulled my shirt aside to show the hilt of my highlander blade.

"Buh what?" He said, suddenly regaining his sense of stuff. "I thought the line was-"
"You thought? You thought? You thought?" I said, imitating his tiny voice. I pulled my shirt aside to show the sawed-off shotgun I keep holstered to my belt.

"Line starts back there, kid" I said, and all too late he realized I had been preparing for my dim-mak death fist the whole time. Without hesitation or remorse, I knocked him 30 feet to the back of the store, where the unemployment office is. "Better luck next time," I said as he desperately tried to suck my dick.

Hogwarts is a funny place. The streets are filled with predators and the desperate tension of their victims. Good thing I'm neither.

*Fortunate Son starts playing as I light my cigar with a zippo*
*credits roll against setting sun over a highway *

I'll never forget that day in Tasty Burger. It was the middle of March, in 2023. That was my freshman year, and I had just gotten out of physics class. It was about a week after Ahmed dumped me and I was a complete wreck.

I walked into Tasty Burger and big surprise, just like every day at lunch there was a line out the door. My eyes immediately caught Chris in the back; he smiled, then turned back to the griddle. He's my favorite local. We hooked up a couple times early first semester but never made it happen since. We still flirt like crazy though. I parked myself by the counter.

Usually I would order lunch from Shanelle but today Will from UPS was there and she can talk to him all day. Fuck that line though. There's two registers so I moved up near the one on the other side from the line. When the dude at that register was done, I came in and started putting in my order. When you do it quick it looks fine. No one ever noticed before, anyway.

That day was the day someone noticed.

He was around 40, with a mane of hair I'd be thinking about for weeks. His worn black hoodie belied his chiseled frame; you could almost see a six-pack. The room smelled of musk and sandalwood. He was wearing athletic socks.

I was awestruck. It must have taken me 20 seconds before I realized he was talking to me.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked me, his eyes piercing into mine. He looked serious, but maybe that was just his thick, masculine eyebrow.

We kept staring at each other. I took half a step in his direction, and he took half a step in mine. Our bodies collided, firmly but lightly, and as my leg brushed his, I felt a bulge in his pants I can only describe as "massive". He kept looking at me with the same expression, so I went in again, and so did he, grinding his cock into my sweatpants with an almost imperceptible grunt.

Without taking his eyes off me, he pressed the Beverage button on the touchscreen, and ordered a large root beer. And I leaned in again, this time with my hand taking the lead, rubbing his thick hard cock through the fabric of his black Dickies, for anyone to see. I opened my mouth and gasped.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Jahar," I replied.

"Shut up, Jahar," he offered as he leaned in to my latest stroke.

He started to break into a smile, and I kept working the prominent head on his dick with my hands, thighs, and ass. I asked him, "what's yours?"

"Shut the fuck up, Jahar." I don't think he wanted to talk any more, and besides, my hands were doing the talking. I watched as his breaths became shorter. At this point, most of the place was aware of what we were doing. Most people were indifferent, but a few had strong feelings about it.

There was the next person in line, who wasn't having any of it and just wanted us to move along. My companion looked at her, through her, while punching in an order for a hamburger, then taking his time selecting toppings. She would have to wait.

The other people who were very interested in what was happening were three of my classmates. They were Chinese, and took the Harvard dress code very seriously; if the house blazer and tie didn't give them away, the crimson H hat did the job. Honestly, I think it's a cute look. They'd been waiting for their food when they saw what we were doing.

At first they started talking to each other about it, a mile a minute in Mandarin so I couldn't understand a word. But it didn't take long to understand them perfectly. Their close-talking gave way to nuzzling and kissing. They nodded at us in solidarity as they unzipped each other's pants and reached inside, each wanting nothing more than to bring ecstasy to the other.

I caught Chris' eyes again. He was leaning against the order rack, smiling broadly, taking it all in. I think I caught him giving himself a rub or two. I winked.

Shanelle was looking at us too. But Will from UPS was looking at Shanelle. He had something on his mind. When Shanelle looked back at him, she caught on real quick. She jumped over the counter, and led the two of them into a locked closet. The restaurant couldn't see, but no one had a hard time hearing them, her yelps matched only by his roars.

I looked at my lover. "I desperately want to suck your dick," I hissed.

He pointed at the entrance door. "The line starts back there."

And with that, I felt his cock explode into a mind-melting, ball-draining orgasm, his virile seed forming a pool on the grouted tile floor. Time stood still as he pumped out blast after blast of life-giving semen through his pants and down his leg.

There were no words after that. My lunch date cancelled his order on the touchscreen, stepped over the river of cum that was already beginning to slide toward the floor drain, grabbed two Doordash orders off the counter, and belched as he breezed through the exit, out of my life forever.

I never saw him again, except in my dreams. But I will always treasure the moment we shared in a public hamburger restaurant, all those decades ago.